The real question...

There goes my luck again... I just don't know why do I always get hit left-right-centre... The real question now is "what have I been doing for the past 24 years of my life?", "Was what I been doing worth the time of my life?", "Would I have been better off if I didn't take the pathway of struggles to be academically good?" This isn't what I planned to be after 15 years of studies; I wanted to be someone who people look up to, as someone who is knowledgeable in his tasks and would be encouraged to embark on the road to a better career. Just one man, JUST one man can actually bring me down and criticize me on what I fail to understand - fundamentals of office politics and networking. It burns me to see that he "spits" in my face about grandfather stories, YET, make sense about his sarcastic remarks. Today's quarrel with him really put me off, I was so upset that I feel ashamed that I have to go to lab everyday to do my honors project; I feel ashamed that I lost my cool just because I couldn't take a hint that he was testing my patience. I also feel very demeaned that I lack the proper CAP to establish a buffer zone for my fourth year, and that I alraedy have a very slim chance in being in Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School (GMS). I lacked the planning and I'm already tired, I get the mental blocks often and I don't feel happy about what I'm going through. I already have someone in my own lab that is giving me trouble, why do I still have yet one more to make me more miserable.

I have to get up quickly, I need to find a way to put myself together and not get put down by those remarks. I need to convert those remarks to valuable feedback. Something in his words struck me, he was right that I lack certain fundamentals, it's not too late to establish them, but it is too late to convince him that this trait should be in the recommendation letter. I need to take a step back and look for other alternatives in tackling my problem. I need someone to tell me that it is ok....

The Mixed Boy