What is tangible and intangible..
I haven't been blogging for long, merely because I don't really feel like it and I didn't have the mood to. My birthday kinda ended up in a disaster - I was feeding the mosquitoes in Sungei Buloh and I was exhausted the whole week due to tests and tutorials. One of the modules require us to answer the questions to gain the marks but there wasn't enough questions to go around in the first place. And no matter how fast or numerous times I had my arm up, I wasn't asked to answer the questions. WTH... So disappointing... The test was even worse because of the easy questions and I wasn't sure of some of them... zzzzzz..... The next few weeks were mostly spending time by myself. Not because I wanted to but because there wasn't anyone to ask. Because there was so much boring time around, I resort to Mapling... It only appeals to me when I'm very bored and want something/someone to interact with. Mapling isn't the best thing to go by your life, but it's boiled down to this. I've been eating alot too.. Stress builds up my appetite day by day... As the days pass by, the more worried I get on whether my prof will accept me for his honors project. Other profs aren't replying to me either, makes it difficult for me to think of an alternative.
Promises are meant to be broken - I don't know whether God is doing this to tell me that I MUST believe that fate exists or it is just a practical joke. Whenever I have a chance to ask and go out with someone, that person will always have something at the last minute. After 24 years of having the same scenario again and again, if a subsequent one happens due to her grandma's sick, should I feel angry or upset or disappointed or concern? Obviously 99.999999999*% of the people would say "concern", the minute percentage belongs to me, I'm stuck in between all those feelings. How can I feel concern without knowing whether it is not her last minute wanting to avoid going out with me to a concert? Furthermore, it's my FIRST time going to a concert... Can't believe I was deprived of my chance of enjoying something new to me with someone I want to go with. She offered to buy me lunch, but that's not the point. It's not about the money, it's about the significance of asking people out, especially from a person like me...
I recall that I told someone I liked her some time before she left the school because she graduated. She's a chemist and wanted so much to go into lab work. She eventually changed her preference because lab work was too boring for her. I hardly get to go out with/meet her because she's staying in the east and I'm still studying. This makes it hard for me to visualize where I stand in this pursuit. You know how it feels when you felt that you were given a chance and not at the same time? Strange enough, though I expressed my feelings, it doesn't make it any difference in my position. However, sometimes her actions makes it so blindly possible that I have a chance. I want to try increasing the exposure between us, but somehow, she's not/don't want to make the effort, ending me in a ditch with nowhere to go and no idea what to do... I'm back to square one...
I'm not a desperate, you have to think out the box that I'm merely a guy who treats all females and males equally and nicely. Thus, it might seem that I'm flirting with one but I'm not or at least a harmless flirt without intentions to get close to her. BUT the moment I have a liking for someone and would like to try getting to know her, she's not opening herself at all, and saying that I don't try. I think this is a very big repercussion to my honesty and pride, though pride isn't the biggest factor here. On one hand I try very hard yet fail, the other, people label me as desperate and non-risk taker. Is there at least one soul out there that appreciates my motives for her? Must it always be flowers and stuff like that that appeals to females? If you think love/chemistry must be a big factor, you've obviously missed out the other ways one can express these traits without giving flowers, etc.
It is obvious why the divorce and unmarried rates in Singapore are so high -.- .... zzzz.... Haven't you read the papers recently?
The Mixed Boy
Promises are meant to be broken - I don't know whether God is doing this to tell me that I MUST believe that fate exists or it is just a practical joke. Whenever I have a chance to ask and go out with someone, that person will always have something at the last minute. After 24 years of having the same scenario again and again, if a subsequent one happens due to her grandma's sick, should I feel angry or upset or disappointed or concern? Obviously 99.999999999*% of the people would say "concern", the minute percentage belongs to me, I'm stuck in between all those feelings. How can I feel concern without knowing whether it is not her last minute wanting to avoid going out with me to a concert? Furthermore, it's my FIRST time going to a concert... Can't believe I was deprived of my chance of enjoying something new to me with someone I want to go with. She offered to buy me lunch, but that's not the point. It's not about the money, it's about the significance of asking people out, especially from a person like me...
I recall that I told someone I liked her some time before she left the school because she graduated. She's a chemist and wanted so much to go into lab work. She eventually changed her preference because lab work was too boring for her. I hardly get to go out with/meet her because she's staying in the east and I'm still studying. This makes it hard for me to visualize where I stand in this pursuit. You know how it feels when you felt that you were given a chance and not at the same time? Strange enough, though I expressed my feelings, it doesn't make it any difference in my position. However, sometimes her actions makes it so blindly possible that I have a chance. I want to try increasing the exposure between us, but somehow, she's not/don't want to make the effort, ending me in a ditch with nowhere to go and no idea what to do... I'm back to square one...
I'm not a desperate, you have to think out the box that I'm merely a guy who treats all females and males equally and nicely. Thus, it might seem that I'm flirting with one but I'm not or at least a harmless flirt without intentions to get close to her. BUT the moment I have a liking for someone and would like to try getting to know her, she's not opening herself at all, and saying that I don't try. I think this is a very big repercussion to my honesty and pride, though pride isn't the biggest factor here. On one hand I try very hard yet fail, the other, people label me as desperate and non-risk taker. Is there at least one soul out there that appreciates my motives for her? Must it always be flowers and stuff like that that appeals to females? If you think love/chemistry must be a big factor, you've obviously missed out the other ways one can express these traits without giving flowers, etc.
It is obvious why the divorce and unmarried rates in Singapore are so high -.- .... zzzz.... Haven't you read the papers recently?
The Mixed Boy
posted by -=The Mixed Boy=- at 3/02/2008 10:45:00 PM
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