Today I lost all hope on myself...
I really don't know what really happen either, but sometimes I really don't know what am I. Its always seems I don't have enough experience... But logic and perception drives the way we think. Nobody says we should lose our beliefs and values but doesn't mean because of that, you deliberately fail to understand the simplistic view of a modernized, urban society. Does ego and pride always have to come in between family and grand parents? I think that is a dumb, stupid hell of an excuse. People aren't created perfect, so? If you really have to blow your top, just blow your top and let it go. No use thinking about what others think, especially from parents.
I'm losing myself, losing my own pride as an individual who believes in common sense society. The one thing I hate the most is people thinking of money over many other things in life. Though money can solve many issues, it doesn't give any good reason to mix money with personal feelings. It's FARKING hateful to see people crawl on their knees and lick people's asses just because of money.
Anyway, it's over, but my soul is damaged, by 78%. I can't help but cry inside, wondering why am I me... Why am I somebody who can't reason reasonably. Why am I always listening but not being able to do anything. Sometimes it just makes me want to give up everything that I yearn for - a good happy family of my own, a wonderful wife, a great house with a great job. Being able to play games with my kids and all. Why am I thinking so far ahead? It's just call planning. Not something very well designed but at least something I'm moving towards. However, I'm losing that ideal figure very soon. In fact, sometimes I'm ashamed to find a companion. I'm not strong enough to face her and tell her about myself. With all those problems I've placed in this blog since February, I can't how much I'm being able to face anyone in the near future. A confident figure with a weak heart and mind, projects me as an incapable individual. Maybe that would answer to my question of why I go through so many leadership camps yet not being able to lead.
Recently, I also noticed I don't have many friends. I always thought I have so many in schools that I've been in. I always say hi to people and I always make aquintance with most people. But somehow, now I don't see them anymore. Those who followed me to the same University don't mix around with me anymore. Those in the other Uni, don't call or sms at all. The only people I'm being close so far is my OG and my GP family, as well as a few more friends. The bottomline is that I'm losing things, not gaining them. I always thought I made an impact in schools, but this time, I don't. All my effort since Primary school, Secondary school and JC went down the drain. I appear to be like any other people in the school. Options in life seem to lessen even without me getting married.
Why....?
*Sigh*
Sad and more Upset
The Mixed Boy
I'm losing myself, losing my own pride as an individual who believes in common sense society. The one thing I hate the most is people thinking of money over many other things in life. Though money can solve many issues, it doesn't give any good reason to mix money with personal feelings. It's FARKING hateful to see people crawl on their knees and lick people's asses just because of money.
Anyway, it's over, but my soul is damaged, by 78%. I can't help but cry inside, wondering why am I me... Why am I somebody who can't reason reasonably. Why am I always listening but not being able to do anything. Sometimes it just makes me want to give up everything that I yearn for - a good happy family of my own, a wonderful wife, a great house with a great job. Being able to play games with my kids and all. Why am I thinking so far ahead? It's just call planning. Not something very well designed but at least something I'm moving towards. However, I'm losing that ideal figure very soon. In fact, sometimes I'm ashamed to find a companion. I'm not strong enough to face her and tell her about myself. With all those problems I've placed in this blog since February, I can't how much I'm being able to face anyone in the near future. A confident figure with a weak heart and mind, projects me as an incapable individual. Maybe that would answer to my question of why I go through so many leadership camps yet not being able to lead.
Recently, I also noticed I don't have many friends. I always thought I have so many in schools that I've been in. I always say hi to people and I always make aquintance with most people. But somehow, now I don't see them anymore. Those who followed me to the same University don't mix around with me anymore. Those in the other Uni, don't call or sms at all. The only people I'm being close so far is my OG and my GP family, as well as a few more friends. The bottomline is that I'm losing things, not gaining them. I always thought I made an impact in schools, but this time, I don't. All my effort since Primary school, Secondary school and JC went down the drain. I appear to be like any other people in the school. Options in life seem to lessen even without me getting married.
Why....?
*Sigh*
Sad and more Upset
The Mixed Boy
posted by -=The Mixed Boy=- at 5/01/2006 08:59:00 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Jo... have faith in yourself... you're the man... rememeber that. That's what ur "boss" says...
hey... consider turnign to God, and pray to Him and ask Him for guidance. It's never to late to do that, for He will surely show you the path should you be willing to ask. There's too much negativity in you. and you should know that you should always have faith in yourself..
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