The day that I say I can't make it...
I never knew that today would be one of the days that I really cannot make it on my own. I was literally dragging myself around the places that I thought would be interesting to me. I intended to study my genetics till evening and achieve most of the workload in school. Unfortunately, I really didn't have the drive to do so.
I woke up with a sprained neck and had my mother shouting at me instructions that I repetitively said "yes". I got annoyed when she kept on asking me the same things again and again which I've already acknowledged on. Am I that dumb? The exams are coming closer and closer, everyone is in the crutial mood, to work hard and score well. I thought I could do that too.
I came to school and thought of staying in clubroom for awhile to meet an og mate. Not long, one of my sociology lecture mates came in and surprisingly asked me about my grades for our mid-term test. I told her I got a B- and a B+, which would add up to a B. Rather lousy... and she gotten two B+. WTF... Everyone that I've asked had B+s and I only have a B. I'm damn angry with what's wrong with what I write. There's nothing wrong with my content. It's mostly on the theories that was stated on the book. Now I'm on the lower quartile range of the cohort. I'm freaking out... And you know what's the best part? She told me her TA inform everyone that people getting an overall B is in a dangerous spot. WTF... What else can my heart do? Of course it skipped a beat. My dream of pulling my cap is dragged, punched, crushed and throwed into the fire. I don't know why must I hear such remarks..
I didn't get bad marks for my genetics, I did relatively well - the mean was 58++ points and there were pupils getting as low as 2 marks. There's three who gotten 100 marks while the bell curve shifts towards the 60 - 80 mark. I gotten a 71, but it's not enough to be relatively higher than the people I think that placed lesser effort than me. I just don't know what's wrong. It really depends on the TAs that marked our papers. *Sigh* I couldn't understand where my standards lie in my course. I wanted to make a difference in my impression towards my family. I don't want them to belittle me - to see me that I am degrading my standards. I want people to know that my aims are genuine and I really trying to achieve them - to study smart and be an active person at the same time. I really hope now that my socio doesn't give me problems. I really hope I can do well for it. At least get a B+ for it. I also hoping to get A- at least for my core modules. I want to prove to my og that I can also treat them to a meal(only those in Batman OG will understand what I mean). It's both proving and self-achieving.
The last thing I would want to see now is two people that I know rather well getting close and talk to each other as if I'm not there. I really cannot hold my head up high now.. I'm just too upset to start thinking of what's going to happen next.
I'm in the library now... Hoping that the atmosphere would change my mood. But I think it wouldn't... It would probably put me into another sleep and I would miss another few hours or so. *Sigh* WHY AM I NOT DISCIPLINE ANYMORE? I want to hit myself... I want to be the guy I was back in secondary school. On the roll and always climbing the ladder, never down..
Disappointed and Sad
The Mixed Boy
I woke up with a sprained neck and had my mother shouting at me instructions that I repetitively said "yes". I got annoyed when she kept on asking me the same things again and again which I've already acknowledged on. Am I that dumb? The exams are coming closer and closer, everyone is in the crutial mood, to work hard and score well. I thought I could do that too.
I came to school and thought of staying in clubroom for awhile to meet an og mate. Not long, one of my sociology lecture mates came in and surprisingly asked me about my grades for our mid-term test. I told her I got a B- and a B+, which would add up to a B. Rather lousy... and she gotten two B+. WTF... Everyone that I've asked had B+s and I only have a B. I'm damn angry with what's wrong with what I write. There's nothing wrong with my content. It's mostly on the theories that was stated on the book. Now I'm on the lower quartile range of the cohort. I'm freaking out... And you know what's the best part? She told me her TA inform everyone that people getting an overall B is in a dangerous spot. WTF... What else can my heart do? Of course it skipped a beat. My dream of pulling my cap is dragged, punched, crushed and throwed into the fire. I don't know why must I hear such remarks..
I didn't get bad marks for my genetics, I did relatively well - the mean was 58++ points and there were pupils getting as low as 2 marks. There's three who gotten 100 marks while the bell curve shifts towards the 60 - 80 mark. I gotten a 71, but it's not enough to be relatively higher than the people I think that placed lesser effort than me. I just don't know what's wrong. It really depends on the TAs that marked our papers. *Sigh* I couldn't understand where my standards lie in my course. I wanted to make a difference in my impression towards my family. I don't want them to belittle me - to see me that I am degrading my standards. I want people to know that my aims are genuine and I really trying to achieve them - to study smart and be an active person at the same time. I really hope now that my socio doesn't give me problems. I really hope I can do well for it. At least get a B+ for it. I also hoping to get A- at least for my core modules. I want to prove to my og that I can also treat them to a meal(only those in Batman OG will understand what I mean). It's both proving and self-achieving.
The last thing I would want to see now is two people that I know rather well getting close and talk to each other as if I'm not there. I really cannot hold my head up high now.. I'm just too upset to start thinking of what's going to happen next.
I'm in the library now... Hoping that the atmosphere would change my mood. But I think it wouldn't... It would probably put me into another sleep and I would miss another few hours or so. *Sigh* WHY AM I NOT DISCIPLINE ANYMORE? I want to hit myself... I want to be the guy I was back in secondary school. On the roll and always climbing the ladder, never down..
Disappointed and Sad
The Mixed Boy
posted by -=The Mixed Boy=- at 4/07/2006 02:40:00 PM
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