I lost another part of my soul right now...

I just don't understand why my mother likes to do things that hurt me sometimes. I also don't understand why she has to say things that inflict hurt into me. She doesn't feel it because it's not she who is receiving the remarks. In fact, whether or not I am sensitive doesn't matter, it's how I accept the remark that really hurt me alot. What is so good about engine? You tell me? What is Science any lesser importance than engine? Both are as equally important and hard to excel. How can she tell me that "to try going to engine, it is harder there". WTF!!! Of course if I have no interest in engine now, I would find it hard to excel. Similar to life science, as long as I don't find an interest or just started on the course, I would definately find it hard to excel. In fact, it is harder for me for someone who hasn't taken A level Bio. It depends on the perception of the person taking the course that finds it hard or easy. I don't find either easy at all. What makes you think I never ask my TAs and profs about doubts that I need to get clear with? I'm damn pissed at remarks like this that hurt me so much. How can you always doubt/insult my intellegence telling me that I'm always not doing this stuff? In fact, if someone who I ask for assistance gives me attitude or doesn't wish to tell me the real reason to questions, why must I bother asking him/her again? Why my mom has to use the phrase "I'm your mother, I born you..." Ya I know that, how many times did you tell me that I already KNOW and MEMORISE that? The thing is that I know what you say, do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what I FEEL? Do you know that I have difficulties getting along in school because I'm me? Do you know? Do you know that I don't like telling people my problems because it doesn't help me at all telling people how I feel, I would end up talking to myself instead. Do you know that many don't provide answers to my problems but rather I'm stuck with choices that I cannot escape from? DO you know that I want to soar high but I'm having so much pain in my heart? If only my mother can read this... I wish she know much about my sensitivity after 22 years with me... I really really wish she would open her eyes and understand.... How hard is hard and how easy is easy depends on one's capabilities. I'm trying to be the best, but I'm slowing slidding down the ladder, no one's helping me......

Frustrated and Pissed
The Mixed Boy