Depressing day - Full of depression

If you noticed, I usually don't state on titles that display clear definitions of depression. But somehow, today's feelings were accumulated and eventually become increasingly big. I don't know what is causing this depression nor do I know what can I do to make it go away. To add to this depression, I had a very bad hair cut and I had reaccuring incidences of sad events. I know I should not think too much, I know I should just do what I like to do. I kept telling myself that for the past one week already, yet the feeling is still very strongly embedded in my heart. I know friends would try to cheer me up and tell me encouraging words, that's what they think best for me. I do appreciate them doing that, unfortunately, I'm sorry that I seldom pick myself up when things get this bad. I wish I had a container to pour all my sad memories and emotions into so I wun feel sad. But that would be selfish of me as everyone else would like one too.
I wish my life was either inclined to playing alot or just studying alot, and not in between. It IS very hard to cope with playing hard and studying hard at the same time. I don't really know what to do these days... Whenever there's an exam, we all want it to end as soon as possible; whenever it(the exams) is over, we don't know what else to do with so much spare time. What's wrong with this picture? And due to my parent's expectations, I must complete 1001 things that I don't like to do within less than two months. Sometimes I think who leads who's life in the end, me or my parents. They always seldom see what I want to do in life, only suggests(when it is more like an order) me to do what I should do. *sigh*
I was watching this series on cable, I think the title was "Misleading tricks", but the storyline is so irritating and sad that I am starting to hate that show. But somehow you just want to know what happens next. From today's series, I got to know that there's a lot of conspiracy in the show. There's three guys, A, B and C, who works as lawyers. A and B are the so call bad guys. A is trying to cheat somebody in the story who is one of his clients. I think he is trying to cheat on his wife as well. B is trying to cheat C by getting back his wife from C. Quite complicated, let me briefly state the storyline again. B had a wife who bore a child for B, but left him for some reason I'm not so sure of. She marrys C and fakes C that the child is his, but he found out that the child isn't his. However, he is willing to forget all this and carry on with their lives. In short, C is a forgiving man. But B thinks that C is doing very well and wants to get back at C. Thus, he seduces his ex-wife to come back to him and somehow succeeded, bloody bitch accepts B's "commitments" to her even after all C had done for her. I really cannot understand this fact. Now C is so depressed, he can't fight a case for his client and B continues to provoke him. C confronts B while in front of a stairs. Upon seeing the judge, B deliberately falls down the stairs to frame C in "pushing" him. WTF!!! Like that also can. I really starting to hate dramas now. If I were C I also don't know what to do, I'll be dazed and feel very intimidated by B.
After thinking about these things, I really wish I could rewind my life, all the way to secondary 1 when I can just study so hard and don't care about other stuff so that I can go to a better school and don't be mocked by some people in life. I wish I don't have to take other issues in life into account because I'm sure of where I'm going. I wish I'm not what I am right now, so that I'm better accepted in the society and won't undergo unpre****** di***********. It's not a bad word, it's a term in my sociological textbook. I can't confirm whether it exists in this society but I feel that it's somehow being displayed rather clearly. At least not the "complete" ones but more of my "kind". *sigh*
Oh well, I don't think there's much I can do now, just sigh and wait for time to pass by. I need more ideas for my video editing, hope it would just fall from the sky very very soon. Well, better be going now, look at the sky or something. Can't go out with this bloody dumb hairstyle now. It's damn bloody short and I freaking don't understand saloons and barbers. Dumb ass people can't defferentiate between cut and trim. When I asked for a cut, she gave me a trim, when I asked for a trim, the bloody barber gave me a bloddy cut. SO FREAKING SHORT. "Want to make it nice" he says, wth. Then he still dare to ask me "so is it ok?" What do you expect me to say? No? Then what? glue back my hair? Of course, I say it's ok and thank you. There's nothing much I could do then. Just feel damn sad that people try to do things their way always, not mine. Please.... I did tell the barber specifically what I wanted alright... Don't take me as a fool man... ARRRHHH!!! I hate this hair style...

Depressed
The Mixed Boy