Too many things, too little time; too much output, too little sleep...
Sounds very familiar? It does sound like exams are approaching but this isn't the exams. It's the SOW... Yet there are still so much to be done. Especially my part of work... I have lots of video takes to do but then life has to go against me even with so much obsticles in the way.
First I can't get everyone to come into the picture. I can't be selfish, people need to work to survive, but then it's either I wait and rush later on or compromise with the numbers and, well, sorry for the rest. What am I to do? How about the only camcorder left that the clubroom can provide starts to give you problems? Huh? Isn't that nice? When you need it the most it starts to give you problems. Such an irony that the clubroom has two camcorders but one is under repair while the current one is dying. Pardon my language but FUCK!!!
The first briefing for SOW is over and I've not gotten a single shot on the freshmen. I failed my part to take shots for the video. And because of last night's "early", "comfortable" sleep, I managed to stay up as long as I can till dinner. Everything starts to pour in only when the datelines are closing in. So much planning but still with such results.
Sometimes I get this feeling people around me start to neglect or place little trust in me. Somehow I could sense some dejection from my own comm members. Not to mention them, my own shi zhu already have been neglecting me since very long ago. I feel like I'm some cheap toy which gives cheap thrills when one is too bored. If you need me, play me; If not, just dump me aside.
Family problems aren't something many people can run away from. Apparently, mine is something quite concurrent. There's this issue about my sister, who is being a rebellion; My brother who is not home as often these days and he just likes to play soccer; My father is not what he used to be; That leaves me to communicate with. You wouldn't want to be in my shoes, there's always trivial matters that you will hear, thinking that it's something you don't need to say but in your mind, you know it'll become big later on. Somehow, you are just the second child but with so much responsibilities that you shouldn't be holding. Where's the rest? What's happening? Why me? Why no one hear me out? Why must you mind this? Why must there be so many problems?
I also noticed my OG mates are drifting away, slowly... It's either they are too busy with their commitments or they are with their freshmen's OG. It's even to a point where sarcasm is used just to be with the group.
Lets pause here... If you ask me why do I type so much when I could be spending more time doing my work. If you have as much problems as I have, I don't think you would be in the mood to work... You would be having too much headaches to even start on anything...
You know, for the whole day yesterday(Monday), I noticed something, I'm not in any group. There's couples, couples.... more couples and OG or groups. But that leaves me...... alone. Somehow you don't notice but I've been doing things alone, just like someone we all know... R*****d. No one's naturally wanting to talk to me. When one of my comm member was just passing a playful sarcasm, it reminds me when I was in JC as a councilor. When I talked to my junior councilor, they did mention they were glad that they know me, however they always thought I was wierd and irritating... IRRITATING... Ok then... Now it rings a bell... It's hard to be yourself when you are not readily accepted by society. It's something people don't understand. If you don't accept someone, that someone bounds to "shape" himself/herself to suit the society. It's call resocialisation. However, in most cases, the more they resocialise, the worse it gets, the more dejected they will be.
It's hard to be in a groups as well when there's no sense of belonging or interaction displayed around us. To me, I think families are important factors that shape personality. Allowing your child to express their reasons naturally opens up their minds and gives them more confidence to converse with others. Of course, discipline and control is important to prevent over expressive children.
Hey I also noticed something about my nation. How many people likes singing national day songs? Not many... Well, that's what I see when I go around schools and friends. They think it's not the "in" thing. *I'm just stating a general view, I'm not concluding that my country is full of such people and pls don't quote me because I've not done any statistical studies.* I don't think national day songs are bad. I think they are nice, espcially the older generation ones. They may be a little childish but they sound rather catchy and nice. I wouldn't want to be singing national day songs day in day out of course, but I don't think they are bad. Please don't quote me but I do imagine myself as a Government official and I were to noticed many people don't like national day songs, and wouldn't feel for their country just because the songs don't serve their purpose, why would I not be worried? In the generations to come, they "newer" kids wouldn't even feel for their country at all no matter how hard schools try to teach them. Who am I to kid? I myself don't really know the newer songs because their lyrics are a little hard to catch but it's alright. I sound a little patriotic huh? But the big picture does somehow look like this... Just imagine in 10 years or 20 years time, no citizens want to serve their country well or sing national songs just because they think it's a waste of time and not hip enough, or not see the meaning in the songs... We would not be called a nation then...
I've wasted about 1 hr now but I'm still not sure what to do now... OMG! I'm thinking between several videos that I would like to do... *scratch head* Why life doesn't go smooth for me? I've already tried so many times to be someone, myself or just happy. Why does it still hit me so hard?
Tired and Restless
The Mixed Boy
First I can't get everyone to come into the picture. I can't be selfish, people need to work to survive, but then it's either I wait and rush later on or compromise with the numbers and, well, sorry for the rest. What am I to do? How about the only camcorder left that the clubroom can provide starts to give you problems? Huh? Isn't that nice? When you need it the most it starts to give you problems. Such an irony that the clubroom has two camcorders but one is under repair while the current one is dying. Pardon my language but FUCK!!!
The first briefing for SOW is over and I've not gotten a single shot on the freshmen. I failed my part to take shots for the video. And because of last night's "early", "comfortable" sleep, I managed to stay up as long as I can till dinner. Everything starts to pour in only when the datelines are closing in. So much planning but still with such results.
Sometimes I get this feeling people around me start to neglect or place little trust in me. Somehow I could sense some dejection from my own comm members. Not to mention them, my own shi zhu already have been neglecting me since very long ago. I feel like I'm some cheap toy which gives cheap thrills when one is too bored. If you need me, play me; If not, just dump me aside.
Family problems aren't something many people can run away from. Apparently, mine is something quite concurrent. There's this issue about my sister, who is being a rebellion; My brother who is not home as often these days and he just likes to play soccer; My father is not what he used to be; That leaves me to communicate with. You wouldn't want to be in my shoes, there's always trivial matters that you will hear, thinking that it's something you don't need to say but in your mind, you know it'll become big later on. Somehow, you are just the second child but with so much responsibilities that you shouldn't be holding. Where's the rest? What's happening? Why me? Why no one hear me out? Why must you mind this? Why must there be so many problems?
I also noticed my OG mates are drifting away, slowly... It's either they are too busy with their commitments or they are with their freshmen's OG. It's even to a point where sarcasm is used just to be with the group.
Lets pause here... If you ask me why do I type so much when I could be spending more time doing my work. If you have as much problems as I have, I don't think you would be in the mood to work... You would be having too much headaches to even start on anything...
You know, for the whole day yesterday(Monday), I noticed something, I'm not in any group. There's couples, couples.... more couples and OG or groups. But that leaves me...... alone. Somehow you don't notice but I've been doing things alone, just like someone we all know... R*****d. No one's naturally wanting to talk to me. When one of my comm member was just passing a playful sarcasm, it reminds me when I was in JC as a councilor. When I talked to my junior councilor, they did mention they were glad that they know me, however they always thought I was wierd and irritating... IRRITATING... Ok then... Now it rings a bell... It's hard to be yourself when you are not readily accepted by society. It's something people don't understand. If you don't accept someone, that someone bounds to "shape" himself/herself to suit the society. It's call resocialisation. However, in most cases, the more they resocialise, the worse it gets, the more dejected they will be.
It's hard to be in a groups as well when there's no sense of belonging or interaction displayed around us. To me, I think families are important factors that shape personality. Allowing your child to express their reasons naturally opens up their minds and gives them more confidence to converse with others. Of course, discipline and control is important to prevent over expressive children.
Hey I also noticed something about my nation. How many people likes singing national day songs? Not many... Well, that's what I see when I go around schools and friends. They think it's not the "in" thing. *I'm just stating a general view, I'm not concluding that my country is full of such people and pls don't quote me because I've not done any statistical studies.* I don't think national day songs are bad. I think they are nice, espcially the older generation ones. They may be a little childish but they sound rather catchy and nice. I wouldn't want to be singing national day songs day in day out of course, but I don't think they are bad. Please don't quote me but I do imagine myself as a Government official and I were to noticed many people don't like national day songs, and wouldn't feel for their country just because the songs don't serve their purpose, why would I not be worried? In the generations to come, they "newer" kids wouldn't even feel for their country at all no matter how hard schools try to teach them. Who am I to kid? I myself don't really know the newer songs because their lyrics are a little hard to catch but it's alright. I sound a little patriotic huh? But the big picture does somehow look like this... Just imagine in 10 years or 20 years time, no citizens want to serve their country well or sing national songs just because they think it's a waste of time and not hip enough, or not see the meaning in the songs... We would not be called a nation then...
I've wasted about 1 hr now but I'm still not sure what to do now... OMG! I'm thinking between several videos that I would like to do... *scratch head* Why life doesn't go smooth for me? I've already tried so many times to be someone, myself or just happy. Why does it still hit me so hard?
Tired and Restless
The Mixed Boy
posted by -=The Mixed Boy=- at 7/18/2006 12:19:00 AM
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