The vicious cycle and a critical decision...

It's been about 1 week and a 1/2 ever since I came back from DSO for a clinical trial. After which, I watched the whole of "The Lord of The Ring" and the entire 6 seasons of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" continuously. It's very strange, so strange that a sense of emptiness just clouds my heart and mind. The movies I've watched gave me very meaningful reasons behind every plot, especially "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". "The Lord of The Ring" taught me about projecting my strength from within to overcome many odds in life. I guess it's an upgrade from where I left off day after day. Fresh Prince is all about family and how a teenage guy, 'Will Smith', grew up in his relative's house for 6 years, from 15 years old to 21. It may not be as closely related to us Asians as the culture is a tat different, but the lessons learnt cannot lie. From studies, to girls, to growing up, besides the laughing, there's a lot of crying also. It's so strange that Asians were projected as people closely related to family but it seems that no matter how bad the problems Fresh Prince showed, they are still much closer to each other in the family as seen in Asians. I don't have to step any further than the borders of my country to give examples. Everyone's just in the world of their own, so indulged in things that interest them, things that make them feel good than things that are right. So indulged that even a mere reply of the sms seem so tedious and troublesome to show mutual respect to the one who bothers to send out in the first place. As heart broken as I see things as it goes, I still cannot cry. It's so empty and lost that it's not worth crying for. Have you had people promising to you things that are so easily broken in the first place? Have you gotten people criticizing you for not taking the initiative to ask or talk to them but when you do, they just shun or reject you? Haha... Seems so ironic huh? I'm angry, who wouldn't, but I've learnt not to be angry. I pity... not myself, but those who 'dis'(shun) me. It's not what I miss out but they themselves. I empathize myself for the heart and soul that I take out of me to respectfully acknowledge these people, but get brushed aside instead. I always wonder many questions of what adults think but now I'm starting to understand why adults worry so much about keeping contact with friends. It's never easy but harder when the other party doesn't do anything about it. I'm just disappointed.

Ever since the holidays started, things never been any better than school life itself. I made a few quarrels and misunderstandings but always ended me saying sorry on my part as well as for the other party's. I always have people around me who thought they know me well and want to give me advice for my problems, when all I needed was for someone with a keen listening ear to listen to me talk. And I don't mean listening half way and then divert your bloody attention to some bloody stupid thing. That's not even worth having your listening ear for. I don't understand why I make agreements to people who make arrangements before the holidays but did nothing to prepare for it during the hols. My ideas always flawed but theirs, a success. You know what? I give up... I give up on the numerous tries I always give for and in to the people who exploited my feelings. Don't go asking me who I'm referring to, I don't want to point out names what-so-ever. It's not even worth thinking about...

For this, I've decided to let go of X-Bat... Who knows, maybe SOW Comm 06 may follow suite...

I apologise to anyone who regarded my example of Asians and Americans to be offensive. It is merely a figurative of speech.

Given Up
The Mixed Boy