My Discman, my notes and Stephanie...
I can't help be noticed things changed drastically over the months. People change like changing under garments everyday. One moment, they believe in you, the next, they question you, the very next they find you weird.
Batman is no more Batman anymore, it's Toon Town. I stood there puzzled at why was I invited to a birthday party which I believed to be Batman populated, but it turned out to be Toon Town... I don't know whether to be happy that the juniors remembered their seniors or sad that I, as a Batman member, am so displaced by the sight.
Lecture mates don't seemed like lecture mates anymore. Friends become friends of your other friends. A bridging mechanism that leaves me alone. I don't find anymore moral support from my friends anymore as they usually sit a few seats away from me. I merely sit at the sides so that I can go down to ask the lecturer as and when I need to with ease. I lack the knowledge and wish to gain that advantage as a Life Science student. I guess my friends don't see the concern in my mind that I've come to realize.
Sky don't seem Sky anymore. His "Hi" was completely different and distant from the last I saw him months ago... Chew hates me, I can see that in her eyes. She thinks I'm a weirdo and a petty person who keeps racking the past. I think she misunderstands me totally. Guess a person like her would never see how someone like me goes through his years unlike her just to worry about her grades alone... And her eating habit.
I used to talk to Jans when I'm bored or when I need someone to talk to. As the months go by, I only talked to her when I needed someone to listen to my cries. But recently, I can't managed to get her when I needed the listening ear. I guess I'm being selfish to ask too much from a friend. She's always been there and for a few times she's not there, I complain. I shouldn't do that. She and Mus are great friends in need...
Susan's got her own problems and I don't wish to trouble her with mine. She does listen to my problems some times. But I guess I've got to stop doing that, knowing that she has much bigger problems to deal with as time goes on.
Ginny's busy too, with many preparations and I don't really share my problems with her. Mainly because she just gives me very simple answers. Despite the truth in her words, I can't bring myself to guide myself to do what she suggests.
ShaoKai and Alvin were the two guys in Batman that I hang out with when I needed some chilling... But Alvin's got Janice to take care and SK is rather distant ever since after LSM2104. I don't want to jump to conclusions but somehow, the vibes coming out from everyone seems so pessimistic. I want to correct that feeling altogether.
Jiahui's drifting away, I can't communicate with her anymore. I don't know why... Her words were almost the same as Sky. I didn't lose the patience to talk to her, I just lost my confidence in talking to her altogether...
Esther doesn't seem like her after the night at Timbre. She seems very distant and not replying to my questions rather openly. Yifang doesn't seem pleased when she met me in school for the first time.
Science Club members become very distant ever since Wee Dong's batch graduated... The lost of friends through a year full of fun, becomes a stitching pain on my chest...
I go around school everyday the past two weeks looking dazed and lost. I always looking forward to find someone I know and that they would bring me into their group. But failed as an individual. Sometimes I want to let go of everything and be sad, but I can't. My mouth just smiles even in the times of sadness. I just smile and make a fool of myself as if I'm some weirdo. Sometimes I want to scream out to ask God why did he make me? But the words just keeps stuck in my heart. I want to scream so much but yet I need to smile and show some composure. Sometimes I can't help but tear in silence in a remote place where everyone is not around to see. My resolution restraints me from crying or feeling sad... It's only me, my discman, my notes and Stephanie Sun...
After Biochem lecture today, everyone just disappears. I thought I could chill out with them before my next lecture at 12 but seems like I wasn't catching them at the right time again. I was so lost that I went somewhere to stone for the next 2 hours. It's been unlucky for me to accidentally write on my pants and made a hole in a single day. Not only that, my pen broke and I couldn't catch the lecturers at all. To make it worse, "Laptop gal" was in front of me, answering to every damn question that the lecturer asked. So demoralizing that she knows most of them and yet I know so little. I'm against 200+ strong pupils just for a decent A- at least. I need to go up but the cohort looks so challenging. *Sigh* Mr Uma set some tough criteria to score in his module. It's more like a personal opinion module yet so much to consider. I don't want to disappoint Mr Uma as he's never a lousy lecturer, just unique.
I don't want to be pitied, I don't need the sympathy. I just need some understanding from the floor. I can be a serious work/helper/friend yet a fun filling/slack guy. I do believe I was brought up totally different from my friends and I have many restrictions to who I can really be... Yet the true facts of reality and the present situation I hold right now don't encourage me to display what I am truly... Moreover, I need to understand the floor much more than they need to understand me... To give more and receive less is little yet significant in my beliefs. Guess life is like that, I've got to live with it. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Thus, giving me more reason to fight back... even harder...
Tearing yet Smiling
The Mixed Boy
Batman is no more Batman anymore, it's Toon Town. I stood there puzzled at why was I invited to a birthday party which I believed to be Batman populated, but it turned out to be Toon Town... I don't know whether to be happy that the juniors remembered their seniors or sad that I, as a Batman member, am so displaced by the sight.
Lecture mates don't seemed like lecture mates anymore. Friends become friends of your other friends. A bridging mechanism that leaves me alone. I don't find anymore moral support from my friends anymore as they usually sit a few seats away from me. I merely sit at the sides so that I can go down to ask the lecturer as and when I need to with ease. I lack the knowledge and wish to gain that advantage as a Life Science student. I guess my friends don't see the concern in my mind that I've come to realize.
Sky don't seem Sky anymore. His "Hi" was completely different and distant from the last I saw him months ago... Chew hates me, I can see that in her eyes. She thinks I'm a weirdo and a petty person who keeps racking the past. I think she misunderstands me totally. Guess a person like her would never see how someone like me goes through his years unlike her just to worry about her grades alone... And her eating habit.
I used to talk to Jans when I'm bored or when I need someone to talk to. As the months go by, I only talked to her when I needed someone to listen to my cries. But recently, I can't managed to get her when I needed the listening ear. I guess I'm being selfish to ask too much from a friend. She's always been there and for a few times she's not there, I complain. I shouldn't do that. She and Mus are great friends in need...
Susan's got her own problems and I don't wish to trouble her with mine. She does listen to my problems some times. But I guess I've got to stop doing that, knowing that she has much bigger problems to deal with as time goes on.
Ginny's busy too, with many preparations and I don't really share my problems with her. Mainly because she just gives me very simple answers. Despite the truth in her words, I can't bring myself to guide myself to do what she suggests.
ShaoKai and Alvin were the two guys in Batman that I hang out with when I needed some chilling... But Alvin's got Janice to take care and SK is rather distant ever since after LSM2104. I don't want to jump to conclusions but somehow, the vibes coming out from everyone seems so pessimistic. I want to correct that feeling altogether.
Jiahui's drifting away, I can't communicate with her anymore. I don't know why... Her words were almost the same as Sky. I didn't lose the patience to talk to her, I just lost my confidence in talking to her altogether...
Esther doesn't seem like her after the night at Timbre. She seems very distant and not replying to my questions rather openly. Yifang doesn't seem pleased when she met me in school for the first time.
Science Club members become very distant ever since Wee Dong's batch graduated... The lost of friends through a year full of fun, becomes a stitching pain on my chest...
I go around school everyday the past two weeks looking dazed and lost. I always looking forward to find someone I know and that they would bring me into their group. But failed as an individual. Sometimes I want to let go of everything and be sad, but I can't. My mouth just smiles even in the times of sadness. I just smile and make a fool of myself as if I'm some weirdo. Sometimes I want to scream out to ask God why did he make me? But the words just keeps stuck in my heart. I want to scream so much but yet I need to smile and show some composure. Sometimes I can't help but tear in silence in a remote place where everyone is not around to see. My resolution restraints me from crying or feeling sad... It's only me, my discman, my notes and Stephanie Sun...
After Biochem lecture today, everyone just disappears. I thought I could chill out with them before my next lecture at 12 but seems like I wasn't catching them at the right time again. I was so lost that I went somewhere to stone for the next 2 hours. It's been unlucky for me to accidentally write on my pants and made a hole in a single day. Not only that, my pen broke and I couldn't catch the lecturers at all. To make it worse, "Laptop gal" was in front of me, answering to every damn question that the lecturer asked. So demoralizing that she knows most of them and yet I know so little. I'm against 200+ strong pupils just for a decent A- at least. I need to go up but the cohort looks so challenging. *Sigh* Mr Uma set some tough criteria to score in his module. It's more like a personal opinion module yet so much to consider. I don't want to disappoint Mr Uma as he's never a lousy lecturer, just unique.
I don't want to be pitied, I don't need the sympathy. I just need some understanding from the floor. I can be a serious work/helper/friend yet a fun filling/slack guy. I do believe I was brought up totally different from my friends and I have many restrictions to who I can really be... Yet the true facts of reality and the present situation I hold right now don't encourage me to display what I am truly... Moreover, I need to understand the floor much more than they need to understand me... To give more and receive less is little yet significant in my beliefs. Guess life is like that, I've got to live with it. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Thus, giving me more reason to fight back... even harder...
Tearing yet Smiling
The Mixed Boy
posted by -=The Mixed Boy=- at 1/16/2007 07:53:00 PM
1 Comments:
hang in there jojo.. every cloud has its silver lining. your days will be better soon.
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