I will NEVER be a slave to "LOVE"...

My search to look for a better tomorrow still continues... I'm not a sort of person who willingly continues to go for someone when there's already someone hitting of the girl. I don't know why, probably it's some code in me to not 'interfere'. Probably if I were to say this, all the girls that read this and happened to be hit by me would come out with an excuse like "I'm seeing someone" to make me give up. I guess it would spell out something then...
Exams are getting nearer and nearer and I'm getting rather depressed of my current situation now.. I can't believe that I can't control my way of life as what I used to. Somehow things were less demanding when we were younger. Now everyone wants to see is something that would benefit them. I strongly think I'm not knowledgable in many things. I can't impress anyone with anything, not even general knowledge. I really don't know what's wrong in my life... Studying too much makes me dull; studying too little makes me an idiot. How do you define studying just right when everyone in in university only believes in "mugging"? I don't mug, I just do progressive studying. And when I'm free, people are "mugging"; when I'm studying, they are free to do what they want to do. I think I'm just simply "suay" (unlucky). I can't seem to get anything right at all...
I don't want to be a slave of "LOVE" anymore... I don't ever want to start liking someone just to know I've no chance at her at all. I don't want it to be one side at all. I especially DON'T WANT it to be my own friends at all.. If it was some girl in other faculty, it wouldn't really matter because I won't get to see her at all. But in Science faculty... I get to see her almost everyday and it pains me to see a friend be lesser of a friend when love/liking steps in. I rather not have it in the first place. I don't want to assume anymore... I don't want to think anymore.. I don't want to BE the thinker... I don't want to grow grey hairs thinking so much of what the World is all about.. I don't want to plan far anymore... I don't want to be the outcast. I want to be normal... as normal as I can be... I wish I didn't offer my jacket at the first place... I wish I didn't get to know many people. I know I'll be living my live in denial but it probably would have saved me from endless depressions one after another... I wish it would stop... I HATE YOU "LOVE" WHEN I FIND YOU I WILL MAKE SURE YOU SUFFER AS MUCH AS I HAVE TILL NOW... I really hate you...

Covering eyes with hands and crying
The Mixed Boy