Saturday, October 06, 2007

Siiiiilent night, booooooorrrrrring nighhht...

I just thought maybe I should type out something before I sleep. It's kinda boring yesterday, I went to school in the morning, my father tried talking to me but failed because he said very obvious cheesy sentences. I got to school and parked my laptop at the same place I always place it. Lingered till 1130am then had lunch with my junior before she left shortly after that to get her jacket -.- I dragged myself to the lecture theatre just to find myself sleeping at most of the lecture. Had micrB lab at 2 which took the whole 4 hours, sooooo boring, and there's soooooooooo much to learn and know and intepret. I just wonder how are we suppose to derive the micro-oragnisms without any sources in the first place. The results can state ANYTHING, how in the hell is someone to confirm that something is Staphylococcus epidermidis by just looking at the morphology, catalase & oxidase test, and gram stain? Even if it is relatively possible, where can we start looking for it? Kinda dumb, had only less than 1 week to complete the report. I'm really afraid I can't finish by then. Still have a test on Monday to read for and it's all conceptual based.

My com kept lagging in Day of Defeat Source, makes the game sooooooo boring then. Meilan talked to me online, strange of her to suddenly pop up from somewhere, but she's usually like that online. At least she talked to me, the rest couldn't seem to find the interest to click on my nick at all...

Later I need to go over to Holland V to teach my cousin some Life Science stuff, she's talking general Bio as her breath and couldn't understand some concepts. Need to go over to clarify some things. Well at least can get to see what her house looks like.

I guess I need to stay over in school again to rush for the report once more... I hate doing such things... Especially when I've not even started on reading the readings for nation building. I'm way behind schedule... I've not even checked my previous test scores, knowing that I'd do badly and would want to compare grades with others, and then feel sad because I'm surely doing worse than them. It's times like these that I want someone to be beside me to talk to me, humans are humans afterall. No matter how optimisstic they can be, there will always be a lingering of pessimism to balance up his/her life. As one would say, "Life's about ups and downs". This is one of the times I'm pessimistic, and I want to tell that person how I feel and want that person to tell me that it's alright. But it's not easy...

Throughout my 23 years of experience, I've been in more dumps than ups. Mainly because I do things the hard way to experience the same hardship as what others have gone through. I get to understand things more and not take things for granted. Yet, there are people who think it's dumb to do things this way, to have a principle that causes hardship on yourself. I don't expect them to understand my intentions, nor want them to persistently wanting to change who I am for their better. But there's a price to pay, when you are the middle child of 3, you'll never get the best of both worlds. The eldest will get what he wants without much resistance, you on the other hand have to learn from HIS mistakes, so more resistance for you; The youngest gets to be pampered the most among the three because times have change and because economy is slightly better. But being the elder, you have to display some discipline to show examples, that means more resistance to your motion. Sandwiched between two people. Not only that, your elder brother is labelled as the handsome guy and easy gotten a gf for more than 5 years, you're stuck with none. Your younger sibling is labelled the smartest now, thanks to the complacency that you gotten back at A' levels. Your parents don't listen to you even though they continously say that they do. Listening means using your ears to hear, not your mouth to deliberately say you want to listen or give advices for the problems mentioned. You've gotten yourself into a course that requires you to do double work while others slack off on their modules. You've gotten many ladies misunderstood of your intention but you just don't think there's a need to explain to them about it, since they would probably not listen to you. Your friends are slowly becoming aquaintences because they seldom talk to you; others get along with their other halves more... It's getting harder to concentrate for no particular reason at all. You know very well that you want to pull up your CAP, but your mind can't focus on work all the time. Clubroom don't seem clubroom anymore because of many new faces and most of them are dancers, whom group together always.
Sometimes you just want to be so focused with work just to forget the pain around you. Sometimes you just want to hold someone's hand tightly and she in turn hold yours tightly too. Change is the only constant, yes, but a constant must be accompanied with a relation, a relation of variable events. These variable events can be controlled by you, ONLY if you choose to change it, or ONLY if you want to to keep some things the same. What is tangibly changeable and what's not? As you grow, your level of studies will change, you WILL advance to a higher system. Friendships DON'T change, only if you want to. Why do one say friends-4ever? Is it because you'll live forever as friends? It's not that, it's the endless friendship that binds two or more people together, feeling for one another that illustrates that notation. Then why do you still have that same strong feel for your pri,sec, JC or poly friends? Why do you have so much infinity for them as compared to those here who also fell as much for you? No matter how busy you are or how tired you are, you'll be able to find the time to msg...

All this thinking makes me want to eat sushi... I already missed my chance during term break because someone had to do UROPS all the time. -.- Even though I've already stated very very long ago that I booked that person for the occasion. What a bummer.... Taking time off is sooooo hard, if you really want to relax so much then why continue with work? Can't understand why people yearn for simplicity in their life but choose to fight for the wrong things... Simplicity in life doesn't mean that you live your life as some begger. It's getting a reasonable degree and taking things at proper pace even during studying, no rushing, no mugging, no nothing. Maybe studying, but only at pre-planned schedule. No human can continously study sooooooo hard for many many hours. You'd probably burn out or have a terrible headache.

I think I'm starting to spurt out nonsense since I'm already quite sleepy. Somehow I feel like there's more to type, but maybe I'll just leave it for next time.


The Mixed Boy

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The bitterness of false hopes...

The very bitterness of guy's false hopes ... is to hope for someone to inspire you to open up to her, like her, feels so attached to her, but eventually know that she's attached. Should have known that it's too good to be true, life isn't that all simple. But it's somehow a blessing in disguise to know the truth behind this, at least there would not be any misunderstandings. However, it feels so excruciating, you hope for so much but lost that much too. A 'high' jump with a 'heavy' drop. But also can't blame anyone or anything, it's just purely coincidence and luck that this happened. Need to treat her normally so that there's no conspiracy, something that is so hard to do... I just wish God wouldn't play around with my feelings that much...

Upset
The Mixed Boy