DoMo - Hybrid of Dory and Nemo...

My body's recovering already from the incident and I'm kinda glad that's happening. I REALLY need to do some exercise because I'm getting fatter. Kinda glad that I could crash SCAMP during the few days also, even though I didn't get to play that much. I enjoyed the sleep over at Coasta Sands as well as the bash. I also want to thank everyone who came down to my 'factory' that night for the visit. Haha.. It's really hard to get leave from my boss... *We had the bash at The Butter Factory*. Everyone's getting on with their thing, it's been hard to fit in after three days of camp. Only managed to hustle up some freshies by the end of the sleep over. Nemo and Dory are the only two groups I've managed to get closer to. Well, probably that's good enough. I still don't get to know them that well but at least there's some laughter. Sometimes I feel alittle lost that I missed out on the camp. But oh well, what can I do..

My costume's here already!!! I'm sooooo happy, now have to prepare for the DnD that's on the 1st of September. It's going to be a crazy night... yeah...

The Mixed Boy

Boring boring holidays

It's been exactly one week since my incident. My health is gaining back slowly. I still can't brisk walk not to mention play games. I occasionally still experience restrictions to my breathing but can be countered by sitting up straight or eating lesser or standing up. I really screwed up my holidays. I'm upset and down. I wish my OG mates were here to talk to me everyday but it seems it's been long despaired. I turn to little in face of loneliness and comfort. Once calling my 'brother' or 'bro' has long phased out and left with a dead silence for weeks...

Still at home and recuperating
The Mixed Boy

The strangest feel of my life...

I always thought I am a very fit guy, but it seems that my body fails to control the ordeal I've been through. Thanks to Sky, Yuhan, Muslim and Shijun, they visited me in the hospital while I was warded. Without them, I think it would have been very boring. There is much to be said about the incident but I think I'll choose another day to say it. In fact, I'm still suffering from post trauma symptoms and don't want to work myself up. I wished everyone was there to talk to me while I was bored and down, but sometimes it's just something I must do on my own...

Traumatized
The Mixed Boy

Clinical Trial number 2 incident

I'm still in a traumatic stage and can't focus my thoughts on this problem. To sum up, I had a mild case of hypoglycemia and heat exhaustion. My life was on the line, I made it this far in life, I couldn't just lose consciousness. I'm still a little scared to sleep, it thought me part of how important life is...

Traumatized
The Mixed Boy

The disturbing silence

As dawn breaks, as dawn becomes day,
Me Lord sprung out and comes to say,
"Call your grandfather, call your grandmother,
You don't know how long they'll stand through without the other"

"I'll try..." without a hint
The smile stood for a stint.
"What do you mean by a 'try'?
Say you'll do it, better than doing nothing you sly."

"Why aren't you reading those books?
National Geographic, Enid Blyton and all their cooks.
You think thee games will bring you glory,
Wait till thee grow up, then thy be sorry"

I don't know what's wrong with being oneself,
It's not degrading or provoking one's health.
I want friendship, I want joy,
Not loneliness or replacement of a toy.

Why can't people understand,
The pain I underhand,
The hopes and dreams I churn everyday,
But all there is is ashes that lay.

I can't stand it, I just can't lie,
Need to go to a place where things fly.
Took the train, bought a magazine,
Read till my mind went clean.

I looked out and saw the planes fly,
All I could do is smile yet sigh.
There's nothing much I can do there,
So I left for the other end without a care.

Appeared in the busk of people,
Some big and some little.
No one around to call "wassup"
So I settled for a Sub.

Library's the next place to be,
With comics and books to see.
Picked a book related to Psychology,
Better than history or Geography.

Read how life can be devestating and unkind,
But it all happens within one's mind.
No matter where, no matter when,
All that matters is to be happy now and then.

I find it fruitful and just,
So ends my searching task.
I returned to my very heaven,
Very long as long as 3 hours past seven.

Haven't had dinner then,
So I called up a friend.
Glad enough she agreed to come
And met her at ten pass ten.

Today may not be the best days of my life, but I think I've learnt lessons along the way. I started to understand that I'm good enough as it is, and yes I'm afraid...

The Mixed Boy

The vicious cycle and a critical decision...

It's been about 1 week and a 1/2 ever since I came back from DSO for a clinical trial. After which, I watched the whole of "The Lord of The Ring" and the entire 6 seasons of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" continuously. It's very strange, so strange that a sense of emptiness just clouds my heart and mind. The movies I've watched gave me very meaningful reasons behind every plot, especially "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". "The Lord of The Ring" taught me about projecting my strength from within to overcome many odds in life. I guess it's an upgrade from where I left off day after day. Fresh Prince is all about family and how a teenage guy, 'Will Smith', grew up in his relative's house for 6 years, from 15 years old to 21. It may not be as closely related to us Asians as the culture is a tat different, but the lessons learnt cannot lie. From studies, to girls, to growing up, besides the laughing, there's a lot of crying also. It's so strange that Asians were projected as people closely related to family but it seems that no matter how bad the problems Fresh Prince showed, they are still much closer to each other in the family as seen in Asians. I don't have to step any further than the borders of my country to give examples. Everyone's just in the world of their own, so indulged in things that interest them, things that make them feel good than things that are right. So indulged that even a mere reply of the sms seem so tedious and troublesome to show mutual respect to the one who bothers to send out in the first place. As heart broken as I see things as it goes, I still cannot cry. It's so empty and lost that it's not worth crying for. Have you had people promising to you things that are so easily broken in the first place? Have you gotten people criticizing you for not taking the initiative to ask or talk to them but when you do, they just shun or reject you? Haha... Seems so ironic huh? I'm angry, who wouldn't, but I've learnt not to be angry. I pity... not myself, but those who 'dis'(shun) me. It's not what I miss out but they themselves. I empathize myself for the heart and soul that I take out of me to respectfully acknowledge these people, but get brushed aside instead. I always wonder many questions of what adults think but now I'm starting to understand why adults worry so much about keeping contact with friends. It's never easy but harder when the other party doesn't do anything about it. I'm just disappointed.

Ever since the holidays started, things never been any better than school life itself. I made a few quarrels and misunderstandings but always ended me saying sorry on my part as well as for the other party's. I always have people around me who thought they know me well and want to give me advice for my problems, when all I needed was for someone with a keen listening ear to listen to me talk. And I don't mean listening half way and then divert your bloody attention to some bloody stupid thing. That's not even worth having your listening ear for. I don't understand why I make agreements to people who make arrangements before the holidays but did nothing to prepare for it during the hols. My ideas always flawed but theirs, a success. You know what? I give up... I give up on the numerous tries I always give for and in to the people who exploited my feelings. Don't go asking me who I'm referring to, I don't want to point out names what-so-ever. It's not even worth thinking about...

For this, I've decided to let go of X-Bat... Who knows, maybe SOW Comm 06 may follow suite...

I apologise to anyone who regarded my example of Asians and Americans to be offensive. It is merely a figurative of speech.

Given Up
The Mixed Boy