Work is just never ending...

I can't believe that I'm still awake up till now. It's 0225hrs in the morning and I'm still doing my Bioinformatics. Mus's asleep because of the long day he had. The next two weeks will be the most intensive weeks before the exams start because this Wednesday is the IT project submission, Friday there's a stat's assignment; next Monday is a Physics test; next Wednesday is the Physics term paper submission following by the bioinformatics submission about 6 days later... Damn... So fast. But somehow my members don't seem to be worried about the fact that the dateline's arriving. I can't understand how can they place their desires on high priority when work is to be done immediately. I can't don't know why they can relax and keep asking me non-sensical questions while I am the only one asking the questions relating to the project. It is as if they place their priorities above this 20% project. While I go asking important questions, they go for their lectures and pretend nothing has happened. OMG... I'm also a student you know? I also want to go for lectures...
I hope my part will end soon... I want to clear this project as soon as possible. The more they dilly dally, the more I can't go to Ginny's birthday party. I must ensure myself that the projects are in place before I can take time off. My eyes are getting heavy and my tummy is getting bigger with the nuts I'm continuously munching on. I really hope that I would get to more energetic to do some serious execises too... Hmmm... For now, I'm just slightly upset...

Upset
The Mixed Boy

Had a Blast of a time...

Blasting hasn't really been my forte, but I guess for this sem, I need to MAKE it my forte... I try to deligate work for my members, but it's always very hard to get them. In fact, it was hard for me to get to understand what the project is asking from us all this while. When I eventually gotten to know about it, I can't get them together to explain about the situation. 20% seems alot and I can be someone who would continue the work for others if it means beneficial for all of us. Three enzymes and I'm half dead. I need to stay focus... We are not too far behind but we need to stick together to do this project. I'm tired from all the blastings, I need to support but there's no one supporting. Why does it seem that I am the only one worrying about the project? Kailing is starting to worry too, I'm glad that she is asking me for advice. I guess I kind of know what the TAs are feeling when they see their students starting to ask them for advice. The interest and inquisitive minds makes them ensured that their students are on the right track.
It's less than 3 weeks, my first project is due in about 1 and 1/2 weeks followed by my term paper. I also can't believe that all this while of deligating/advicing a friend to think of a plot, I eventually came out with a story to begin with. Is it me or that it's natural for scientists to work individually? Am I that guillible to cover other people's work? I don't care liao, it's the benefit of our grades, at least for me. If there isn't any participation from other parties, I might as well just move on ahead. There's no use on whining or waiting for things to happen. As one would say, "When you need things to be done, you have to do it yourself". If there's no mutual respect in the working world, I might as well move on ahead...

It's the last few stretches, Gambette...

Upset and Tired
The Mixed Boy

Tan made a point... I'm starting to see some light...

No matter how much I dislike him, somehow, he made some sense. I thought things thoroughly the whole night and I started to make some sense out of the project after some blastings. I e-mailed my TA this morning for a confirmation on my hypothesis. Subsequently, I tried the blastings more to see whether there's any more things I can get from it. After re-reading the guidelines and doing some thinking, I started to see some light... It was like "EUREKA!!!" I got yet another hypothesis up and tried it out. Apparently, my hypothesis holds with some of the homologs. Starting to gain my confidence back, I explained it to my group member. She, too, agrees with me to a certain extent.

My TA got back to me this afternoon and he agrees with my hypothesis. However, he disagrees with me on one of the issues and I wonder what can I do for that point. He insists that we sees my group but I'm lazy to meet up with him as it would be a waste of time. I do not want to waste any more time, I'm a near perfectionist, I go all out to be the best...

Thinking back on what Tan said, I strongly believe that he misunderstood me. I think he thought I didn't do anything yet, or tried the guidelines, and wanted a clear-cut protocol from him. That wasn't my intention as I already know what I'm doing. But I'm just afraid they might not approve the way we do things as there may have some protocol criteria to fill. Apparently, not hearing to my questions did not win him the apportunity to tackle students professionally. Making himself as an example of mockary is definitely a good example. But I guess I need to give him some credit for making me see some sense in the project.

I like to ask trivial questions to confirm something especially when it's a module I have some interest in. Asking questions make your brain think; makes you understand certain concepts and makes you believe in your hypothesis when you do your work later on. Unfortunately, this module does not have many seniors who dearly want to remember what they did the last time round. Thus, you are left you, youself and the staff. But if you keep asking the staff on how to do, you will not learn anything. You will be able to relate protocols and regegitate what is stated in the protocol, but you cannot explain why you get such results. I asked several friends about Bioinfo but most of them only can tell me up till what happens when we do a blasting with the aerogenome database. I do not know whether to be glad or upset that we are around the same stage as the majority. I hope we can buck up and hasten our project as soon as possible. I do not like to do late submissions...

Two other projects to go as well as one test this Friday, things are going to be quite hectic...

Tired
The Mixed Boy

One bad thing leads to another... It's always been a cycle... what's new...

First XM now this... The whole day I've been thinking of bioinformatics but to no avail of any solution to my doubts. I thought asking the prof would clear some of my doubts. Instead, he went one big round and didn't really answer my question. I was angry yet upset about his actions. He wasn't attentive to our quries and showed little interest in our questions. Though he answered my question in a general way, I still feel angry. Why? I should feel happy that he even bothered to answer my trivial questions. But isn't it what he was suppose to do? Who to believe? A TA or a prof? What method should we use? GenBank or Prosite? What can we infer? The protein sequence can be found in the air filter or that bacterial species can be found there? So many questions, so many doubts... So many doubts so many thoughts... Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one thinking but that would be selfish of me to assume that the rest aren't doing that too...
I was so distracted by bioinfo that I didn't get to understand my Einstein lecture well. And the thing kept ringing in my head till now. The bus that I took made an emergency break and I brushed my watch against the bar quite badly. Fortunately the watch is quite durable. I have a test this Friday and I've yet to do more questions and do my formula sheet. There's so little time, so much to do, so many problems, so little energy... I just wish people will take me seriously...

Tired
The Mixed Boy

Feeling more neglected...

Somehow I feel that I'm transparent to some people. I heard of this phrase "don't let people bring your feelings down, ignore them" but I don't think I am that un-noticable and insignificant. Passing me a slice of the cake doesn't mean that you bothered to take notice of me. Somehow, I don't know why my juniors don't acknowledge me, as in look upon me as someone they can approach to (besides work). If it's about work or about their stuff, they always want something; if they don't need anything, they would just talk to someone else. I'm also a victim of that sometimes, but I always try to avoid that.
I wrote something on the ballon for Xinmei to make her smile, but she merely took it and placed it somewhere else. Guess this isn't the first time I tried getting closer to people (not that kind of close). Feels very redundant me being at the birthday party at all. And they say that people from the same school stick closer together. Hah... Seems to me JJ people just don't like seeing other JJ people. Feels crap being in a neighbourhood school all my life with no affiliation to the world out there. Makes your value so low that people don't bother talking to. I don't hold grudges but this is something that will remain in my heart to take note of... I don't have a life doesn't mean I don't want to find one and not that I don't want to show my understanding of humour but I don't know how... All I do is throw lame jokes. Give me some credit... I have a life much different from yours. I don't get to go out often when I was young, I was restricted and disciplined by my parents. I was grown up being disciplined and not to resort to many fashionable and trendy-assets. Give me some credit as I feel remorse not being able to do so many things from young. Unlike you or the rest, my only objective was to study from young. Why must people learn from others one-sided and not both ways? Why must I learn more about you and not you learn about me at the same time? If this spells out which friends you target, then I jolly know what to do. I think both parties would not lose anything from this, besides me, a friend...

Angry and Upset
The Mixed Boy

Some things change... Some don't...

The search for Love is still the same... Nothing changed there. The number of people flocking into clubroom is still the same. Wee Dong still looks the same, talks the same too. The struggle for good grades never change at all. Projects never die... Ever seeking of more fun never ends. Stayovers are just a beginning and laptops are your closest 'friend'.

SCMCs change, there is a new look and new feel in the air. I start to lift my head up high. I got a locker and stuffed my 'house' in there. I got a new family. My sleeping habits fluctuates and my eating habits deminishes. I got my own customized Science Faculty windbreaker and I'm not ashamed of putting it on. I got a new close friend. I feel a strong sense of closeness to others. I've grown weaker and I can't do the same amount of sprints as I used to. Gotten a new 'online mp4 player' on my blog.

My projects deadlines are getting closer everyday, and yet I've not really began on the projects. To score in them, I need to focus on them. Even though I've planned them very long ago, we are always somewhat behind time. I am rather upset and worried now. In fact, I just wish I could finish all of them soon. Stayovers in school will never change, I've lots of work to be done and I only can think of play. Besides play, I dream of times that I would be with my partner but soon to upset myself even more because I don't have any to begin with. I must buck up... Buck up and work hard... The sem's ending soon, the last dash will be here soon...

The Mixed Boy

Bio???matics...Huh? Nvm, just take a lantern and play...

Bioinformatics is the manupliation of databases for biological reaserch. Bio???matics is a term to express our understanding of bioinformatics. Yup, it is just a big question mark. I expected it to be less confusing but it seems that the profs ahve come out with questions that tests our understanding of the key terms as well as whether we have done some 'homework' on our own. Hope I can get a decent grade out of the test. Worse to come is the miniproject, which I'm having much headache on. Especially when you know slightly more of what to do then the rest. Questions just rain down on you even though you have not much knowledge on the module...
At least two more CAs are down. Mid-autumn festival celebration was fun. We all wore our JC uniforms and paraded the faculty, to hear people giggling or calling us Xiao (crazy) or to the sight of their open jaws. The night was really good. We took a lantern each and walked from Sci faculty to Fong Seng. Unfortunately the candles were low quality types so they burn out very fast. But we had so much fun, jumping and skipping and running. We also ate pamelo and talked about topics that made us laugh non-stop for hours. The fun stopped when we started closing our eyes about 5 in the morning.
Time reverts back to the fast paced. It's back to our books and so many things to think of. Sometimes i just want to stay in school always because it seems that there's no need to come back home. Whenever I come back home, I feel that I'm wasting alot of time already. Hahaha.. Oh well, what to do... Hope that things get better in the future...

The Mixed Boy

WASp it CDC42 that caused it? No, it WASp regression...

Somehow, I really cannot stop thinking of kicking myself. Firstly, I woke up rather early, then it started to rain. I had a few mishaps in the morning and I cursed that it started raining. Who's to know, the rain got heavier. I haven't done my assignment and I started to fret for my test. Strangely, I felt both confident and afraid of the test.

The test was not something I want to kick a fuss on but I think I would have done better if I 1) listen to the lecturer's descreted notices and 2) be more deligent in my reading. Halfway through the test, I felt it was more like an exam. It felt so quiet and so solemn I could feel the extra pressure on every question I tackle. The questions were not as simple as it seems. Most of them were ambigous questions that require you to think carefully as the answers were very closely related. In fact, I was stunned on the targetting sequence questions when I know I've read them thoroughly and know all of them, but at that time, I was questioning myself, "Is there a TOM22 at all?" How silly can I get? And the part when Prof Teo told us that it is good to do comparisions of the cell structures, it so happens that it did come out, so I have to wreck my brain to think of logical good answers to place it in the answer booklet. I think I had many minor mistakes in my answers - Peroxisomes are used for detoxification, breaking down of fatty acids and construction/destruction of hydrogen peroxide. But I forgotten to place the detoxification part. So sad. And I knew that there were no negatively charged amino acids in the SKL sequence, I wasn't so sure whether to place the positive amino acids are present at all. I guess I went into the hall with a conceptional mindset and not a prepared, memorized mindset. Basically, I just didn't do so well for my test...

Stats wasn't at all fun. I had to sit in between two discussions and a lecture on regression, and still have no idea what was going on. I missed out on my first lecture due to work and was hoping to get a good explanation from my friend on the lecture. However, she couldn't really explain at all. I heard that Rosner's reference book isn't that all easy to understand and would probably confuse me further. Thus, I skipped the reference book. I noticed too that I have a few tutorials that I have not done yet. What have I been doing during the term break? Omg... Life can't get any worse than what I'm having right now...

Headache, freaking out
The Mixed Boy