-=Under Contruction=-

Blog is currently under renovation and will not continue till further noticed

By The Mixed Boy

Can you...

Can you like someone enough to love her/him?

The Mixed Boy

The battle goes on...

I feel much better today especially writing most of my stuff in the blog. Not that anything gets any better but at least I have some stuff out of my system. Haha.. My vision has dropped to 3m and I still walk around like a zombie. In fact, I looked like a silly zombie, walking around aimlessly, smiling to myself most of the time.

Lab today seems so mundane but I can't believe that I didn't get the results I needed. Nat and I did everything the protocol stated. But I guess we should have trusted ourselves and did our own set of reactants, instead of doing everything as a whole and increasing the chances of mass error. There were two mistakes done to the procedures, but I guess it's too late to go back now. Instead, it shouldn't be a problem stating the cause of the problem.

I don't know who has read my blog and all, though I preferred it to be kept away. Maybe I should have kept it in my heart still or just open another blog. Serves me right to be so open to blogs...

The battle for the sem starts now...

Zombified
The Mixed Boy

My Discman, my notes and Stephanie...

I can't help be noticed things changed drastically over the months. People change like changing under garments everyday. One moment, they believe in you, the next, they question you, the very next they find you weird.

Batman is no more Batman anymore, it's Toon Town. I stood there puzzled at why was I invited to a birthday party which I believed to be Batman populated, but it turned out to be Toon Town... I don't know whether to be happy that the juniors remembered their seniors or sad that I, as a Batman member, am so displaced by the sight.

Lecture mates don't seemed like lecture mates anymore. Friends become friends of your other friends. A bridging mechanism that leaves me alone. I don't find anymore moral support from my friends anymore as they usually sit a few seats away from me. I merely sit at the sides so that I can go down to ask the lecturer as and when I need to with ease. I lack the knowledge and wish to gain that advantage as a Life Science student. I guess my friends don't see the concern in my mind that I've come to realize.

Sky don't seem Sky anymore. His "Hi" was completely different and distant from the last I saw him months ago... Chew hates me, I can see that in her eyes. She thinks I'm a weirdo and a petty person who keeps racking the past. I think she misunderstands me totally. Guess a person like her would never see how someone like me goes through his years unlike her just to worry about her grades alone... And her eating habit.

I used to talk to Jans when I'm bored or when I need someone to talk to. As the months go by, I only talked to her when I needed someone to listen to my cries. But recently, I can't managed to get her when I needed the listening ear. I guess I'm being selfish to ask too much from a friend. She's always been there and for a few times she's not there, I complain. I shouldn't do that. She and Mus are great friends in need...

Susan's got her own problems and I don't wish to trouble her with mine. She does listen to my problems some times. But I guess I've got to stop doing that, knowing that she has much bigger problems to deal with as time goes on.

Ginny's busy too, with many preparations and I don't really share my problems with her. Mainly because she just gives me very simple answers. Despite the truth in her words, I can't bring myself to guide myself to do what she suggests.

ShaoKai and Alvin were the two guys in Batman that I hang out with when I needed some chilling... But Alvin's got Janice to take care and SK is rather distant ever since after LSM2104. I don't want to jump to conclusions but somehow, the vibes coming out from everyone seems so pessimistic. I want to correct that feeling altogether.

Jiahui's drifting away, I can't communicate with her anymore. I don't know why... Her words were almost the same as Sky. I didn't lose the patience to talk to her, I just lost my confidence in talking to her altogether...

Esther doesn't seem like her after the night at Timbre. She seems very distant and not replying to my questions rather openly. Yifang doesn't seem pleased when she met me in school for the first time.

Science Club members become very distant ever since Wee Dong's batch graduated... The lost of friends through a year full of fun, becomes a stitching pain on my chest...

I go around school everyday the past two weeks looking dazed and lost. I always looking forward to find someone I know and that they would bring me into their group. But failed as an individual. Sometimes I want to let go of everything and be sad, but I can't. My mouth just smiles even in the times of sadness. I just smile and make a fool of myself as if I'm some weirdo. Sometimes I want to scream out to ask God why did he make me? But the words just keeps stuck in my heart. I want to scream so much but yet I need to smile and show some composure. Sometimes I can't help but tear in silence in a remote place where everyone is not around to see. My resolution restraints me from crying or feeling sad... It's only me, my discman, my notes and Stephanie Sun...

After Biochem lecture today, everyone just disappears. I thought I could chill out with them before my next lecture at 12 but seems like I wasn't catching them at the right time again. I was so lost that I went somewhere to stone for the next 2 hours. It's been unlucky for me to accidentally write on my pants and made a hole in a single day. Not only that, my pen broke and I couldn't catch the lecturers at all. To make it worse, "Laptop gal" was in front of me, answering to every damn question that the lecturer asked. So demoralizing that she knows most of them and yet I know so little. I'm against 200+ strong pupils just for a decent A- at least. I need to go up but the cohort looks so challenging. *Sigh* Mr Uma set some tough criteria to score in his module. It's more like a personal opinion module yet so much to consider. I don't want to disappoint Mr Uma as he's never a lousy lecturer, just unique.


I don't want to be pitied, I don't need the sympathy. I just need some understanding from the floor. I can be a serious work/helper/friend yet a fun filling/slack guy. I do believe I was brought up totally different from my friends and I have many restrictions to who I can really be... Yet the true facts of reality and the present situation I hold right now don't encourage me to display what I am truly... Moreover, I need to understand the floor much more than they need to understand me... To give more and receive less is little yet significant in my beliefs. Guess life is like that, I've got to live with it. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Thus, giving me more reason to fight back... even harder...

Tearing yet Smiling
The Mixed Boy

What I want for my special day...

They are:

1. Something I need to get; Something we all dream when we see what we have but want something newer; It doesn't cost a thing; That needs two components to become one; That some people think I need as well.

2. Components that stand together as one; supports one another so that they done fall; Like birds flocking to the south; Like a school of fish swimming in the large ocean.

3. Something I need/want but I can't say...

The Mixed Boy

The worst combination for the day...

Urgh... Sleeping very late and waking up very early in a cool, rainy weather is the worst combination to start your school day...

Zombie-fied
The Mixed Boy

The beginning of a tragic start...

The past two days aren't as fruitful as I expected. In fact, it is getting worse. I thought my sem would be a better one as I've prepared to take on the challenges ahead. However, the challenges aren't about how tight the schedules are but who I am taking it with. But still, I guess it's still too early to come to a conclusion. If I do so, I would have lost the battle and the war. I must be ready to take it on...

Readings, readings and more readings.. I probably need to read lots this sem and be very solitary to stay focused. Don't think it would matter much to others as I seem to be drifting away from them. Silently and constantly. I remember a saying in "Joy Luck Club" that "if you stay really still and don't make a sound for too long, you will slowly disappear behind the sounds and images of the background." I'm afraid I might be one such person...

I didn't really have the best of luck also because I receive very saddening news. No matter how much I try to do something, it won't turn out for the better... And the question of "trust", "friendship" and "bracing through hardships" are questioned. "One year is not enough to establish anything..." As what Xin Mei said... How painfully true and yet not true it can be...

Everyone has their own set of problems, Susan, didn't really had her way for such a while now. Though I know some of the problems she faced, I wasn't strong enough to provide solutions to it. I guess it wasn't worth producing them since I usually make mistakes. On the other hand, she did bring me to wonderful places in Vivo City to try out scrumptious food. Kim Gary's had simple yet nice HK food prepared by Malaysian chefs. Secret Recipe is like many other cafes and Pet Safari had rather cute animals residing there. I wasn't particularly surprised by what Vivo City could provide for me, rather the structure of the building interest me quite a bit. Fortunately, it brings in vast variety of designer shops to experience the different cultural lifestyles. For me... A cup of nice warm coffee and a Bagel is enough to satisfy my hungry mind...

Just hope that I would get better grades this sem or it's the "isolation" for me... Haha...

Tired, Upset yet Smiling
The Mixed Boy

Day 2 in Year 2 Sem 2 - Dust mites anyone?

Had a tiring day. Majority of my modules are held in LT26, wooden chairs, cold air conditioning and well lousy audio system. Managed to stay awake throughout all the modules today. Guess I've passed the trial stage, probably can start jogging after lecture next time round. Biochemistry and Genetics were heavy as usual. Calculus, omg, I had a hard time accepting the fact that most of the students there were PRCs. I don't have anything against them, I'm only upset that I have to go against so many experts in the module. Hmmm... Guess it gives me more reason to put in more effort to attain a good grade for this module.

I am relief that at least one of my modules is going to be a fun yet challenging one. GEK2023 may be something out of my field but the lecturer has a good sense of observation. He's hidden true character is still dormant, waiting to pounce on us for any false move we do. It's just like "crouching tiger, hidden dragon". Whatever the fact is, he is quite an interesting lecturer. Who knows, he may be reading my blog again. Got to remember not to say anything bad about the module. Haha... Thanks Mr Uma, I guess you just made my day today.

It's another day full of smiles, another day bites the dust and many more to go...

P.S. I apologise if I have offended anyone.

Tired
The Mixed Boy

First day in school, even though it's my free day...

School at last, not that I enjoyed the sloggings and all but it's enjoyable to see the many strange things in school again. I could have stayed at home and had another day of Maple but I had to run some errands today. Unfortunately, only JinXin came to the clubroom to look for me. =( I managed to find some of the others in the canteen when I was going home at 2pm. The day was slow as usual but I pulled through with a smiling face. Now it's just another 300+ days left till next year. I've to buck up in my functions, I couldn't remember much about the subject already. Even looking at warm up tutorials gave me so much problems in solving the questions. Darn... I have this vision that this sem's going to be a fruitful one... Yeah... Let's do it!!!

Enthusiast and Lively
The Mixed Boy

My New Year's resolution... Never thought about it...

Hey there's one thing I forgotten to do and it's to place my new year's resolution in my blog so that it can remain there as I move along with life.

New year's Resolution:
- No matter what, bring my CAP up, that means, study more. That doesn't mean betraying friends just for the sake of my CAP, that's ruthless.
- Be a better person/man, just smile no matter what happens. If explaining your logic to the person you wish to imply your advice on doesn't work, it'll never work because they will never listen to you, so just smile and hope for the best.
- Be truthful to my friends about my feelings and let them figure out by themselves whether it is necessary for them to make a move, be it someone I like or to my friends in general.
- Lose weight, don't think there's anything to explain here.
- Enjoy every bid of joy with my graduating friends, after this, it'll be even more lonely then before...

Don't think there's anymore for now. Basically it's just about being more of myself and let things be if there's no use trying to alter them...

Wishing Upon A Star
The Mixed Boy

P.S. What I want for my birthday is....

A walk down the memory lane...

I went back to my Junior College this afternoon to take a look at what the changes were. Things have gotten much different from the time my batch left the school. Nice banners and posters we pasted everywhere displaying encouragement or invitations. Sometimes I feel guilty for not doing more as a councilor. Rules were more stringent then yet we enjoyed the tough times we had to go through. By the looks of the school now, it looks more like what Ginny would do to beautify the place. Haha...

I'm still amazed that some of my teachers are still in the college. I really missed them a lot and really enjoyed their teachings back then. One of the teachers I cannot forget is Miss Yamuna. The reason why she's sooooooo interesting is because she has a mindset very close to us, yet stood to her stringent workload to constantly display good grades on her students. She was suppose to go to AJC to teach but she declined the offer, due to her reasons. Didn't asked for her reasons as I guess it was polite not to. Was pretty funny when we discussed about Bernard and his strange, eccentric ways back in JC as well as in University. A very similar personality would be Jansy. In fact, both of them, not only similar in race, but similar in the way they speak and how they converse with their peers and friends. Can't believe Miss Yamuna called me "dear". -_-||| Not that I wasn't called dear by my primary school teacher when I was back in primary three. After all this while she still says that I haven't changed. She was surprised I still remember a deep secret about her. Maybe one day I should relive it for her. Haha...

Mdm Chee changed a lot, she's given birth to yet another child and still looks quite energetic. However, she seems to lose much weight throughout the 4 years. Hope she gets along quite well. Her child gotten a fever attack so she had to rush off today. So sad. Never get to know about her comings...

Mr Chu grown much more hair then he used to have, yet he still has that infamous hair-do. Can't believe he's still at it. Very similar to what I've done to my hair, nothing.

Mdm Chong is still there too, she snickered as I told her I still owed her two chinese essays. I forgotten to ask about her child though. I guess I was caught up with Miss Yamuna's appearance. Haha...

Many teacher's come and go, years fly so fast as you study more and more. Sometimes it feels so good to see your teachers once again, but how long will they be there? Who knows when will they have to leave for another journey down the timeline.

Yuhan and I went to Pioneer Mall to play a game of Zero Hours and to our amazement, the connection isn't that all bad. It was rather fast. The only downturn was to try using the net for chatting or searching purposes. The connection was really bad. Fortunately, I managed to place some bids safely. However, I only managed to get one out of the two modules I bidded for. Oh well, back to the drawing board then...

There are some things I can't figure out, like how JiaHui thinks. Our mind is an exquisite thing and hers is one of them. Someone so gentle and small yet so complicated and distant. Sometimes we agree on some things/terms but yet it feels as if the agreement is too distant. I don't really know how to explain this. Doesn't matter lah... It should bother me too much.. Guess she's not the only person/thing I can't figure out. I can't figure out how much can one person take on his shoulders and stay silent for months or even years. The biggest challenge is to smile to everyone even though it may be the hardest thing to do then. I also cannot understand why is there so much talk about equality but the sense of the word can't seem to settle at anything. Not even siblings, not to mention gender. The only possible thing I could think of is that it's because of this non-equality that makes us all different in some way.

In Deep Thoughts...
The Mixed Boy

TIMBRE!!! Did you hear me scream? See now what you have become? A flatten prata

1st Jan 2007

Went to IMM and had some Jap food there. The service sucks, the waiters sucks, the floor manager sucks big time. Can't believe they were all not coordinated to understand how to serve the customers correctly. They did it so unprofessionally that it pissed my father off. I was pissed as well unlike my siblings and my mom, they were more afraid things might get worse. Since my dad said his mind, I didn't have to say anything else. I guess the floor manager deserved to be scolded. It should have gave him a wake up call...

2nd Jan 2007

Can't believe I stayed at home the WHOLE DAY, playing Maple Story and leveling up my ice wizard. He's now level 34 going on 35. Since a few days ago, it was still level 29. Mindless killing can be SO interesting... Passed midnight and I gave a call to Mus, needed someone to talk to so we chatted for 2hrs 35min. OMG!!! It's worse than a girl lah, maybe not really worse than them, haha, just that I never thought I would be talking to him for so long. Slept at 3am in the morning...

3rd Jan 2007

Woke up at 1030am. Looked through my biddings and didn't see what I wanted to see. Rather upset that I've made a mistake for not bidding earlier. Arranged with myself to watch Death Note 2 in JP after being persuaded by Yuhan. So met him at 1315hrs and played some arcade games. Its really been REALLY long because we sucked at all the games we played hahaha... 1415hrs, I went in for the movie. I liked the tricks L did to reveal KIRA but the show was ok. I have opinions about KIRA but I think I might talk about it some other day. To summarize it, if KIRA is some sort of belief for a crime-free world, then it's ok to believe in it. However, being manupliated and die by the controls of another human, it's not KIRA at all. It's greed... As what Yagami said, "laws are made by people and they are not perfect, so are humans". If Light thinks he wants a better future, he should have placed his heart and soul to fight for the innocent people. But who is right and who is wrong, it's hard to say. Only in the eyes of the Law that deviants are wrong...

After the show, Yuhan messaged me to go to Timbre for a live band show, with Esther. I thought it would be a concert or something, so I went. In the end, it's a pretty nice pub with nice people around. The food was alright and the band was cool. Unfortunately, it rained, so we had to rush back home slightly drenched. I enjoyed myself there and well I guess it's quite an alright day.

The Mixed Boy