SCAMP is over but I still feel more pain than happiness...

After a very long wait, SCAMP (Science CAMP) has arrived. Packed with potential fun and liveliness, I had four big bags with me and prepared to drown myself in fun. However, it happen that the camp isn't as fun as I expected it to be. The freshies were in abruptly strange habits and character. It saddens me more that whatever I talk about wasn't interesting enough for them. My lameness doesn't go far and my lack of knowledge provides a bigger barrier between the freshies and I. Everyone else seemed to enjoy themselves and showedso much more enthusiasm than ours. I tried to perk it up but in vain. My secret pal wasn't what I hoped for. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike her, I just feel disappointed in the arrangement. If it's on random picking, I REALLY think I'm DAMN FUCKING SUAY. With 12 freshies and one out of twelve chances to get her is really bloody suay or just me. However, I still talk to her and gotten to know her more. She's a rather nice person to have chats with. It wasn't fun anymore because I can predict the accent and I can easily pinpoint who she is.
I thought the SP dinner would be a turning point but proved really not true. We were assigned to sit beside another pair whose's SP female partner is my SP's friend. -_-||| Then they were talking about their own stuff yak yak yak yak blah blah blah blah... Was so boring... So disappointing that I just looked out of the window and look at the beautiful sky turn dark. *Sigh*
You know what is the worst thing that can happen in SCAMP? It's to start liking someone and shows some liking in being around you, but whom you eventually found out she's attached. And the wisest thing is to back off. I wish I don't have to have such occasions. I was so dazed that night and so depressed that I just wanted to cry. But the freshies were all behind me I couldn't cry and continue to try being as if I'm enjoying myself.
I don't know why do I usually like girls who are already attached... It's not like I target these people from the start. The feelings always come some time after knowing her a little more. I also noticed it always seemed that I always have a liking for ACJCian girls. Why? I really find it hard to let go this painful feeling. When you are beginning to have a feeling that bad things are starting to change, it gives you another surprise. I can still remember what she asked me "Why can't you like a normal girl? What's wrong with a normal girl?" So what's so wrong about liking a normal guy like me? If girls think that a simple guy is sufficient, then what makes me so different from the rest? Then I remember what a friend told everyone today, "It relates more to the guys, if you feel that she's the one, you should work hard for it." But how is it possible when she's already taken? I'm just sad and yet there's so many other things to think...

Feel like hitting the wall
The Mixed Boy

The ugly side of things everyone don't see...

It's hard to explain how ugly things come to be since the past. It has come to a point that even your friends don't see your point no more, that even money is more important than trying to understand your fears and concerns. Not to mention friends, family themselves start to deviate from the norms to cling to new ones. People don't not care for one another, they are just misguided. This ugly sight is bringing me down. So down I'm feeling the weight on my shoulders and my eye lids. It's so strong that my luck was forced down with it. Listening to David Tao's Black Tangerine is one of the few songs that closely resembles what I'm feeling now. I wish God would do something in "Dear God"; "Black Tangerine" - a feeling that makes my everyday life so strange; I wish my "Angel" would be with me right now, I need a very warm hug; "Butterfly" - a gentle creature I wish it would spread it's characters around the world; "Melody" - This world always has a melody, we just need to listen to it more to get it's beat. It makes me cry, literally, when I was thinking what's happening around me while listening to these songs. Call me childish, call me whatever you wish to call me. What I feel is that people like you and even I have fall into the victims of desires and unrelentless, cruel fights for survival, no matter whether necessary or not...

Crying and Scared
The Mixed Boy

Personality Tree... I'm amazed

I received this mail from a colleague about some classification of your personality tree. I think it's kinda true. I'm categorized under a pine tree and guess what it was written on it:

Pine Tree (the Peacemaker) -- Loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

It is so close to what I feel... But no entirely because there are other hidden personalities that I hold describes about me... However, this one's closest to mine for the time being... Cool huh?

Amazed
The Mixed Boy

DFS (Damn Fucking Suay)!!!

I just don't know what's happening today. Fucking suay leh.Agency didn't get back to me, then was informed this morning when I was in for job that I was excused today. Wasn't such a pain but have to endure a day's worth of headache for the job. It's going to last till Sunday. Managed to excuse myself later on because I was on for a video shoot. Halfway, received a call from friend, was asked where I was, then he hesitantly say "never mind, just come over". Who's to know I left my job just to have that camera man not able to come today. Wtf!!! What's the C.O.R.E. system again? Responsibility right? What the hell when there's no proper e-mails to guide us in the shoot and WE have to take initiative to fork out out time. FUCKING SUAY!!! I still have someone asking me why amd I childish when someone older than me is doing something more childish than me, and she accepts that. I really cannot understand leh. I feel like just losing it.
Then didn't had the energy to think too much. I remained calm and just forget about it. Went to have some rice dumplings and went home alone. Wasn't feeling that all good already. Was on the verge of exploding but still stable. Went up the bus with this fucking couple chatting beside me but I didn't care. I slept throughout the journey but was conscious enough to wake up if someone tapped me on the shoulder. That FUCKER couple didn't even say excuse me and bang onto my leg. Wasn't that angry, so I just tried to make more room for him. Who's to know that fucker stepped on my foot without looking and didn't even say sorry! FUCKER. I can't stand anymore, I really had to say something and some words just came out of my mouth unconsciously. I really cannot take it. I literally had to hit the wall to calm myself down. What's so wrong with today and myself? I'm really fucking angry now... Cann't fucking understand people sometimes. Always want to think of oneself, never the whole.

Fucking Angry
The Mixed Boy

Disappointing day with a pinch of fear...

Does it feel like sometimes there's nothing to type on your blog? Oh well... could say I'm lazy and all but there are times that I feel like I don't really want to type on the blog. Is this anything to do with what I typed on the title? No.. Haha... Ok ok stop hitting me, I'll go straight to the point.
I just had my IPPT yesterday. Though yesterday was somewhat a satisfying attempt but I really couldn't understand why I couldn't clinch that gold. I missed the timing by 21 seconds! Arrrhhh... You want to know my results? Oh ok...

IPPT Results:
Situp - 50 in 30sec
Standing Broad Jump - 245cm
Pullup - 11
Shuttle Run - 9.30sec
2.4km Run - 10min 15sec

Disappointing right? All 5 points except the last one. ARRRHHH!!! Oh well... Just be satisfied with what I have. Better than nothing. After the IPPT, I went to collect my printed shirt, but to my disappointment, the bloody shopkeeper printed the shirt with dull colours and with a small picture. I asked him why is it like that and he remained quiet. Arrrhhhhh!!! I couldn't care less and paid him before leaving. Wasted like 44 dollars on the shirt. Now I have to wear them. Crap... Fortunately it's just a prototype. There's one more thing I needed to do, that was to go to school to collect the cloth for my camp's banner. I went home, bathed, changed and left asap. Upon reaching, I setup my laptop and was going to start on doing the outlining. Unfortunately, I was soooooo sleepy, I slept from about 4 plus till 6plus. ARRRHHH!!! I didn't want to continue with the outlining so I packed up and left for home. At home, I just played Maple Story till late and slept. Lazy pig right? Oh no...
HOWEVER, I slept about 1.45am with my view facing the door. I heard of this saying that if you sleep like that, spirits can easily "visit" you and may interfer with your dreams. I don't know how true is this but throughout the years and months, I don't have any nightmares at all. Only just that night, when I was sleeping at 1.45am, I had this creepy dream of another world. E.g. when I pulled out my socks and hold it there, something suddenly comes alive inside, crawling and trying to escape. But when I open it, there's nothing there. Then there's this dog with a very long neck. Somehow in the dream, I disturbed the dog and don't know why, I landed in front of the dog as if I fell infront of it. The dog became furious and it's head suddenly changed to many spiky teeth. It's head was slow coming for my head. I used my hands to keep it away and if I wasn't wrong, I felt the teeth prick me on the right thumb. It was rather real. I don't know why? Then I noticed I was half asleep half awake and I was mouning. I forced myself to wake up and looked around. The first thing that came to my eyes and to my mind was the door and the belief respectively. If it was coincidental, I should have nightmares now and then, why now and only now? I was quite hesitant to sleep again but after about 10 minutes thought, I was suddenly overcomed by the power of tiredness. But before I slept, I made a point to move my body not facing the door. The night was well again. Strange huh? For a moment I was really filled with fear. A time that I would chant my Islamic prayers...

Scared and Curious
The Mixed Boy

Guin-Thur Guin-Thur no. 1!!!!!

Those who have been to SCAMP prep-camp, you know what I mean... The camp was a 3 days 2 night event to try out the games and facilities given to us. Well, I was there for the fun rather than trying out. I'm happy my og is paired up with the Guinees. In the end, we're one group of CRAAAAAAAZY people... Haha...
On the first day, we receive our briefings and some of the important issues to take note of. Then, we proceeded for ice-breakers games. Well duh... most of us know each other, so haha... we just tried our best not knowing each other at first. After the games, we proceeded to SRC for cheering before battle games. Battle games are the only events when you get wet even when you're on dry land. Guessed it already? Ya, water bombs. But it's not consecutively you'll get those hits. You have to play games to see whether you win or lose in order to thrown or be thrown at respectively. The roughest game would probably go to the game where we protect our structures from being wet because everyone would be throwing water bombs and it can be rather rough when the guys reach in between us or the girls to smash water bombs on the structure. Guys be careful huh. You wouldn't want to have girls screaming out molest for no reason ya...
The next set of orientation games was even better. Guin-Thur simply just have so much fun playing them. The games I cannot forget was wacko. Wacko is played by having two seperate groups forming two lines facing each other from a distance. Each individual on each side are numbered. There would be coloured water bombs placed in the middle. If the coordinator calls out a number and the colour of the ballon, the numbered individuals have to come out to collect the bombs. However, if youhave collected and the opponent touches you, you lose. Either way, whoever win would get to throw the water bomb at their opponents. I cannot forget the time when ginny helped our group snatch a few wins by running like a small mouse. Hahaha... She's so cute lah... she would run from behind the piled group, reach from between one of our group member's legs and collect the water bomb. It is so fast that everyone cannot see that coming. Haha... That's my Ginny. Not to mention the 100 seconds NG. Was well planned and well executed but still we lost because we too excited liao.. Hahaha...
Then there comes the night games... The night games were burst the ballons, 1..2..3..stop and shoot the ping pong balls. The most exciting one was 1..2..3..stop. We didn't really bothered about winning because we just wanted to have fun. So instead of running, we posed. You should see our photos. They were all sorts of poses and dumb ones too. We had our laugh...
Time to bathe and get some rest... But not for me... I was more interested in staying up for awhile and play some games. Apparently, we went to NUH to have supper and get some food for breakfast at 7eleven. Then we watched Rusell Peters before some of us decided to sleep. There's Sentosa games the next day so they didn't want to get too tired. I surfed the net a little longer before dozing off with them. I woke up a few times because it was too cold and I only had my jacket with me. Oh damn.
Time to wake up... I had a waffle, bread, a sardine puff and coffee. MmmMMMmmmMMm.... Nice... Despite the rain, the coordinators still proceeded with the plan. We were driven to Sentosa and fortunately enough, the rain stopped. We exchanged buses to Palawan Beach and had a briefing. I can't describe to you how much fun we had as a buddy og. It was just too much to say. I had apple juiced all over me, flour in my mouth, giddiness from "mua chi-ing", etc... I exerted quite a lot of energy that very afternoon.
From 2pm onwards was a rush, the actors for frightnight had to bathe and get ready asap. After which, they were driven to the location for make up and briefing one last time before going to our stations. I was with Muslim and we recee our place thoroughly before deciding on a spot. Though it was just the seniors, it took very long per interval (we were holding on to our bladder that time.. Hahaha...) But that's not the problem. It only lasted about 2 - 3 hours, just imagine the actual day is 8 hrs!?!?! Apparently, one group went through the wrong route halfway so the whole thing was called off. After we came out, buses were ready to drive us back to school.
After we were back, we took a shower and then relaxed at a corner watching Hard Gay. I had my Campbell soup. I was really tired that night though I managed to stay up till about 3am. I had to get some sleep. Despite sleeping earlier, I still can't sleep well because of the coldness and I was simply sleeping on the dirty floor. I wish the coordinators would have provided brooms. Before I know it, it was morning... and raining again... Must be Qi Lin.
Everyone washed up and went for breakfast before going to LT25. Because of the rain, the mass dance instructors were stuck in it. So we decided to tell some lame jokes. The lame jokes didn't go too far, but the instructors came by the time we ended the jokes.
The mass dance was simply, well, nice and fun. Three song combi with face pacing dances. Cool.. Cheryl did a great job on the Mass dance. We took quite long to learn all the steps but was worth it. The after activities I guess I'll skip it, because it was the last game and we simply just have to move around the campus. Boring.... The next hour or so was just packing up and debriefing. But you know? We we announced the best Buddy OG!!!! And we had Party World coupons given to us.. *Arhhhh not again* After all that, we were all allowed to break camp. The day ended...
I came home, thinking that I could play a few more hours of games. I unpacked my stuff, bathed, eaten dinner and watched a little TV. Then when I was starting to play games, my eyes became very heavy. Oh god... That was a sign, I had to go sleep. I switched off my com and slept....

Tired and Excited
The Mixed Boy

A happy shopping trip ended with a futile discussion

You guessed it, I went shopping. For what? For anything that interest me and of course if only I have the money. After about 5 hours of walking and standing, I got myself a ring that I was finding for some time. It's some ring lah, no special occasion to get it. I just find it interesting. Aini gotten herself some new items... Hmmm... At least she's really happy now haha... Jiahui gotten herself like some beads. Beads?! Huh??? They look like ones monks use for praying la... -_-||| Anyway, Jiahui gotten them for accessories. After which, we return home in our individual ways.
Not long after I got home, I changed into my running attire and started running. I wasn't really in a mood to run so I ran rather little. I was more worried about the projects that await me at home. I gave them some thought and I thought I had everything ready for execution. I guess my bubbles were burst when I had the discussion later on.
Apparently, the discussion expanded the idea that I suggested. The increased option is a good thing, on the other hand makes it harder to choose which suits the theme. I'm out of ideas... I ran dry... My creativity ran away while I was letting them out to give me ideas for the logo. After looking past the few weeks, I noticed how futile I've always executed my actions. I'm just tired...

Yawnz
The Mixed Boy