Maple too sweet? Or Life Science too blend?

Four days left till my test on Cell Bio. I'm still quite far away from finishing all my notes but I'm already finished... I'm getting lazy and my concentration is getting all frenzy... I'm stuck at intermediate filaments, hopefully I can get all the topics done by Saturday 2359hrs. I need to go on to other stuff...
My Bioinformatics isn't giving me any room to breathe either. The project is confusing and I'm getting a little sense of worriedness building up in me. My Physics project hasn't even been discussed yet and my IT's been hanging. I need to focus soon...
I've deleted most of my Maple story characters already. I'm only down to two main ones, a lvl 35 Hunter and a lvl 17 Magician in Bootes. But I've been so busy training them and looking at ways on how to get a rather good character that it's eating into my time. Unexpectedly, it's kinda relaxing too. I guess it's all the stress building up that makes me enjoy playing a mindless game like Maple story. I really hope I can score in this sem with flying colours...

Restless
The Mixed Boy

Battle of the tests, projects & DVDs...

It is the first day of the Term Break, well, technically it's today, but it started last Saturday. Whateverrrrrrr... I went to Queensway to enquire about windbreaker embroidery and I managed to find one. Unfortunately, the varieties that they showed to me weren't that all special... I wanted to find something which is nice and outstanding. I wanted it to be THE only SCIENCE faculty windbreaker that is unique... It is a SOW, Rag and Flag dedication windbreaker and would be special to me... I can't seem to find the specific windbreaker that I was finding for. Maybe I would skip the details and use the NUS one...
I got three tests coming up soon. One next Tues, one next Fri and the last one two weeks later. Omg!!! I have yet to study my cell biology because it's on next Tues. I've not even touched the notes, that's what's scares me... So is bioinformatics... I hate these two modules... So many things to read and memorize. The three projects aren't giving me options either... Bioinformatics aerogenomics project is some killer... I don't even know what is happening... Intro to computing requires some reaeding but I'm sure the girls can handle the other details. Einstein's universe can be quite tricky, I must be vegilant at all times. I hope I can pass this period with ease.
I'm lazy to study Cell bio now... It's such a drag... And I noticed it's 0031hrs now!!! It's so late already. I even predicted that the next few days would be a rush for me. Today I have bioinformatics discussion, which probably last for some time. There is ALOT to talk about. Wednesday is Sentosa day, so that's out for studying. Thursday is IT1001 discussion with the girls, which means long long day again. Plus in the night I might be burning DVDs again, I've received lots of complaints of defects and I'm upset about it. Friday is the only weekday that I can study but maybe might be studying with Jiahui (provided she wants to come out to study). Guess not lah... Oh well, it's ok... Somehow, I feel that something is going to happen during the weekend. Strange...
I also noticed that my mother's birthday is coming, so is my friend's. They fall on the same day and I'm kinda felt dumb because I didn't noitced the clash till recently. At least it's after two of my tests so I guess it is ok to enjoy for awhile.
Guess what am I doing now? I'm MAPLING!!! Hahaha... OMG... I've started a new character lah... It's a magician. I've got a level 35 hunter, level 23 warrior and a level 12 magician. If you think I have so much time to play, actually I just play whenever I'm free. I don't really endulge myself in this game, only when I'm free. Just that sometimes I can get quite engrossed in the game till I forget the time. Like now... OMG I need to switch it off and sleep. Later I've a long day for me...

Tired but bz playing Maple Story
The Mixed Boy

An issue about blogs... (my perspective)

What is the real reason for you wanting a blog? To write events that you want to remind yourself of, to bitch about people, to write sad things, to write about anything you want to write. Just like a diary right? So how does a diary function? You write in it and store it somewhere where people can't find ya? But does that mean your diary CAN'T be found forever? Have you heard of people accidently reading your diary? Yup that's the same concept as well...
When you have a blog, it serves the same purpose. I, too, thought that it can be something hidden from the people I know. Unfortunately, it was found and word just spreads like wild fire. Blogs are also something you can express freely of your opinions. But do remember that there are restrictions to you voicing out. It's good to throw healthy criticisms but not verbal attacks at a particular person, no matter whether it's ambigous or not. Similarly to the person who is reading it, they should understand why the blogger is writing such things or why they would be the 3rd party to know of such events. It can be quite saddening and irritating, but this is how things go. I wouldn't like if someone talks badly about me but neither could I control what he/she should/should not do.
Bottomline is that blogs are similar to diaries, unless you encrypt it with a password, it is still liable to people's view. Being angry that people spy on you is inevitable, I would be angry too if I were you. But try to accept that gossips are just gossips, they will pass very soon...

Still thinking about this topic
The Mixed Boy

Time passes so fast, tests are coming,I'm getting tired...

I'll go back all the way to Thursday, I had a 2.4km jog with Sky and SK to start off the day. It is my only free day, but I have to come back to distribute the DVDs. Oh well, for SOW, I think it is not a chore at all. Had my lunch and then went straight to the clubroom to do preparations for the distribution. My laptop is crapping up, it doesn't burnt complete sets of the dvds anymore. I'm getting worried that my burner is burning out... So I focused on Ginny's. The process is slow but efficient. After 12pm, OGLs come rushing in to get the dvds one by one. Very soon, it was left with two ogs. I was very happy to see them flying off. Unfortunately, calls and smses start to fly in informing me of strange cases of lagging and corruption in the discs. I started to fret, but I believe it's the works of the dumb dvd or the dvd-rom. There is a requirement to be more patient with the dvd as I am 95% sure they would work. After trying on several of my colleague's laptops, there shouldn't be a problem with the videos or the program. I informed them specifically and if it still persists, just come back for an exchange. Very soon, 4pm arrived and I kept all my stuff to prepare for a longer jog with Judy and the rest. At 630pm, we started from Science faculty, up to NUH, to PGP, around Kent Ridge Hall to Arts and back to Science Fac. Basically, its the A2 route. But there was an addition to Judy and my route. At University Hall, we detoured to the track for another 8 rounds - 100m jog, 100m sprint intervals. The jog was done after awhile. My last 100m sprint reminded me of the time I did my 100m sprint in JC, the feeling was wonderful. That night, Boss told me there is a job available for us, but it had to cut into my lessons. Probably the salary was overwhelming - 5hrs for S$70. I think it was worth it. Well I did mention to him that if he is going for it, I would too, but somehow my lesson was an option to consider. Without much thinking, I was already IN the job. Oh well, what to do... That night I slept about 1plus in the morning to finish off some of my notes...

I woke up at 530am to prepare for school, I didn't want to squeeze in with those students in secondary school (though I was once one of them too). I wore my black long sleeved shirt, rolled up my sleeves, wore my black trousers, slip on my slick black Valentino belt and put on my black working shoes. I really looked like a bouncer then. This particular Friday is one of the quietest Fridays I know. There weren't anyone roaming in school, probably it was 7am that time, and no cars... I arrived at LT25 to find that there wasn't anyone in yet... Strange? Usually by 7am, there would be someone there, like Kenny. I switched on the lights and set up my laptop, there wasn't anyone arriving till 740am!!! It was SO quiet. Not only that, MUCH lesser people came for the Bioinformatics lecture that day. Cell Biology wasn't any difference, I guessed students already know it's going to be the Term break so they just gave the last lesson up to rest at home...Even with my jacket on, people still can see that I was wearing so formal. Guess trousers + Shoes = Formal, and trousers + shoes + SHIRT = Super Formal... Felt quite uneasy but I couldn't care less... The day gone by rather fast and then it was time to go for work. There was an prestigous event held in Paragon by IWC(International Watch Company). Though it was within a small area, it held with it celebraties like Zoe Tay, and important guests around the World. They were exhibiting a new project called the Pilot series, which consists of old pilot characters from the past. Don't look down on these watches, those watches may look like your ordinary classical watches but the cheapest was about 5.5k. There was one watch, a simple one that cost a few 10k... OMG... Anyway, Boss and I were just told to do some goodie bag packing and standing at places where may lead to the guest holding area. It was quite hard to distinguish the staff, production workers and the Hosts. They weren't wearing any tags and we kept restricting the wrong people from entering. I guess the most enjoyable part was to stand next to a live band and listen to their hot jazzy songs. Unfortunately, we didn't get any of the goodie bags nor the food there. The place was filled with rich people that gave us, not-so-rich people a sense of societal pressure. We were talking to the staff organising the event and they were jokingly stating that "The rich gets richer and the poor just gets poorer. You see them come here, still get free food, drinks and door gifts. People like us have to work for them. Sometimes working for them doesn't entitle us to stuff that rich people would get..." Somehow, it is rather true, but some rich people started off from scrap, like us... Boss and I didn't have dinner that night, everything closes at 10pm. Our feet were in pain, due to the run, and the shoes made it worse. So we took the train home. On the way, we met a Norwagian tourist who got lost in his way. We volunteered to guide him to the respective train lines before heading straight home. When I got home, I didn't went straight to sleep. I was talking to a few friends including Melissa. She told me something, "maybe you shouldn't look so pisst at small things, then people would not think they shouldn't get too close because you may be upset/angry..." Well, ya, it's quite true, but actually I just don't think I should show my feelings so openingly that makes me so angry at myself. Haha.. Sounds dumb lah but I already have bad experiences so I'm just avoiding it when I have the chance...

I woke up today at 12pm, that really sucks... I needed to complete my stats notes but still in bed sleeping like a pig. Ass... Sianz... I really must start on my Cell Bio and Bioinformatics notes soon. There are two tests on the first week of October. I'm going to be screwed... Shit... Alright then... I think I should go back to my books now... Wilcoxon is now my best friend, later Prof Teo and Prof Foong May would be my best friends... Haha...

Anxious and Gan Cheong
The Mixed Boy

"Burning" sensation...

It's the 2nd time I've stayed over in school to do dvd burnings, yet, I've still left 68 copies. ARRRHHHH!!!! After like 8 hours of burning with two miserable laptops, I STILL have 68 left!!! Can't take it... so boring. Mus and I didn't even study last night... It was just not condusive to study last night. In fact, we slept at 5 plus in the morning only to wake up at 745am. Because my lecture starts at 8am. I rushed to the toilet to brush my teeth before going into the lecture hall.
The lecturer was talking about black holes and how they were created. I just couldn't absorb anything and kept thinking about resting more. I didn't get my notes and left my pen in the prep room, leaving me useless there... So I left to have another few hours of sleep.
The next thing I noticed, Mus woke up and told me it was 10 minutes to 11am! time just pass so fast. I quickly packed everything and left prep room to have my brunch. My next lesson starts at 12pm and I think I shouldn't miss that either...
Who's to know, I went the to find out I didn't print my notes... I was stranded there like an idiot... So I switched on my laptop and played games instead while listening to the lecturer. It was really a very boring and screwed up day. After the lecture, I went back home. Unfortunately, I was dozing every now and then because of the sleepless nights. I haven't been running at all.. I can feel that I've gained weight... It feels terrible but there are still so many things to do...
Tomorrow, I'm going to have a run with Sky and SK. After which, have a quick shower and have brunch. Then start burning the remaining DVDs. Tomorrow, too, is the recruitement drive and the sale of the SOW dvds for those who have not reserved it. I've left about 4 sets of notes, 2 tutorials and 3 projects to be done. So many things that even the term break seems like another week in school. So boring... I hope SOW comm would have an outing or something... Also hope that Batman would have something too.. *sigh*

Drowzy and Irritated
The Mixed Boy

Another one bites the dust.... Again...

I thought something might work out... But even before it started, it's already 'game over'... Haha.. Don't you think it's kinda pathetic? Don't you think I'm pathetic? Even before the game started, I'm already out of the game. Somehow, it's good that I knew it from the start... At least I know what to do next...

Haven't you have a time when the same old encouragements just don't that good anymore? Don't you think it's just nonsense already? Haven't we grown up enough to hear less of it? When you need encouragement, there're not there, when you don't need them, they are there. Its some sort of mockery...

When I started to say I hate my life, I always thought it would be a passing remark. But I'm starting to feel the pinch and somehow, the reality to it is coming true. It doesn't pay to be forgiving; it doesn't pay to be helpful; it doesn't pay to be sensitive; it doesn't pay to be hardworking... People don't see me as professional anymore. They don't see how my opnions are good anymore... They just think I'm trash...

Haha... Sometimes I think I'm an idiot... Most of the time I am... Just that I always tell myself I can do better in life... I'm always up there, high above people... But now I know, it's not the pain that makes me cry, it's the people i want to like around me that makes me cry. I don't know what to do anymore... I don't know whether must I shut myself up from the world to survive from the pain... All I need is someone I can hold and share my problems with.....................

Crying and Remorse
The Mixed Boy

A vision that can't be explained but I think I know what it is...

I can't stop feeling that, ya, I shouldn't do what I wanted to do. Conversations with her seemed quite ambigous and can't gauge the amount of openess that is given to me...

I still continue to think/dream into the future when you have like a 'Cha pa lang' guy like me and a 'Premiere gan tang' gal trying to go along with life together. Haha.. Seems so ackward. I don't like to be too classy, which I think she is to a certain extent. My sense of fashion is out but I don't really care. I don't wear branded stuff and I enjoy every little thing God or life gives to me. If I'm left with that, I'll just make use of that. If I need to get something I'll try to get that something. I don't go for too much wants...

Maybe I'm being too exaggerating, who knows she may not be as classy as I thought she would be. I remembered what Dexter told me before, "Do you know that placing a smile or a laughter 'hee' sounds so heck care?" Come to think of it, how do I know her 'hee' doesn't sound like that?

Fretting for test on Monday
The Mixed Boy

Should I or should I not...

I've been thinking for some time now... I know it's been just a little while since we've met. I know I have little confidence in myself. I hope she would excuse my behaviour.

But I don't know what to do now......

When I think of my future, I'm afraid that things won't go well... It makes me upset.

I wish I can find a solution to my pain... I don't want to let people wait, it's not my forte...

Confused and Upset
The Mixed Boy

A friend that I over see.

It somehow seemed that I've oversaw a friend that needs our help during this period of time. Though I still don't know what help should be given, I felt that being around is the most I can do right now. After today's jog, it looked like three lonely soles grasping on the lines of hope for something miracle to happen. Even after the game of generals, it felt like before we had so much problems at hand... I hope things would get better and I hope our hard times will be short.

Tired
The Mixed Boy

Morning daze...

Just guess where am I now...? I'm in school, LT25... I reached about 0640hrs and dazed till now... Everyone aren't here yet and it is so quiet, the silence can actually freak you out. That's why I always just play some songs or play games. I really hate travelling early to school just to beat the traffic. I hate even more when I've to read so much readings but somehow I've no discipline to start on the reading. I don't want to go back to year 1 sem 1 when I nearly burnt out trying to study so hard and play hard at the same time. I want some "buffering" in my life.
I had a fruitful talk with Chew yesterday. I think it was kind of fun but nothing to ponder about. Can't believe some people can skip dinner just because they are lazy to get any and that they don't have food to at home... God.... Haha...
I hope today won't be a tiring day because I might doze off any time soon...

Preparing to play DOTA
The Mixed Boy

5th week, yet so much to do...

Lessons are starting to become a pain. I've been sleeping in most of my lectures and my neck is getting worse and worse. My DVD production is still on hold and comparing with SCAMP, I think there IS a margin that differentiate experienced and non-experienced production.

My stats tutor isn't getting anywhere. She's just mumbling to herself and most of the time, she couldn't get what we are asking for, which makes the tutorial a complete downturn. Not only that, cell bio is still WAY ahead of me. Everytime I try to catch it's tail but it just keeps on moving. Haha...

Stats have come to a point that I don't really want to listen anymore. After 5 min of the lecture, I ALWAYS doze off. I hate it. No matter what I do, I always doze off. Then I couldn't take it anymore. During the lecturer's break, I left the lt and sat with my OG mate to talk about some stuff. Surprisingly, Alvin followed and we talked till the end of the lesson. I really hope I would be able to do well for my stats. I really do...
There was a topic that we were all talking about - relationships. I can't help but think what is the thing that girls actually want from guys that allows us(guys) to get closer to them? If you talk about wanting to know people, I've the feeling many times. But somehow, approaching them isn't as easy as I think. Maybe it's because I get put off by their engrossed commitments that leave little or not time for bonding. Thus, knowing each other is simply a no no. Not that it matters but sometimes it is quite a pain...
I don't like the feeling of knowing someone and wanting to be with that person, but that person is placing fence of dejection around her. Then having to see her for the rest of the semester or my life in Uni. Talking to her pains you; Shunning her, also pains you. So what is the best strategy? I believe it's either accepting it or disappearing from her sight as much as possible. Most of the times the fist option is the best option. But not all guys can do that. I'm sad to say that sometimes I'm a victim of that description but if she doesn't feel easy with you, just be easy and leave her alone...
Well, life's like that. Most of the time, I just think of "us" being together and her trying to compromise with my habits. Then I start to rub the thought off because I doubt anyone would ever thought of compromising with my habits. Haha... What can I say? I'm just a wierd guy... And wierd guys get put on the shelf for a loooooooooong, loooooooooong time.............

Tired after a jog
The Mixed Boy

Splashdown went way down...

This year's Splashdown is too taxing and too demanding. Giving out gifts at the 10th, 40th, 70th, 99th and 130th lap, it is no wonder not many people want to take up so much time and effort to swim that much. Not only that, they added two baricades that pose threat to weaker swimmers as they need to dive even when they are gasping for air. Unfortunately, they didn't get to have many sponsors and their gifts were not as attractive as the previous year's. Thus, I only swam 40 plus laps to secure the 40th lap gifts(even though it isn't much more than some vouchers). However, it's a good workout and I had some fun with Judy, Yiwei and Mus. I hope to see improvements for next year's Splashdown...

Tired and Dreamy
The Mixed Boy

Two findings today...

I found out two things today. I don't think she's going to read my blog so I don't really care...

I think Leonie is a bitch... I really pity Royston to take up the role as her bf. She's very spoilt and she's not really that all the nicest person to work with. She's full of herself and she can continue to be with her group of obnoxious friends. Always expecting people to tolerate her nonsense, so irresponsible. During the night of the AGM, it's already over and my comm were enjoying ourselves, we didn't bother anyone and nobody was bothered by what we were doing - singing some songs. Just because she couldn't take the songs and she wanted to sing her bloody song, she screamed at us to "shut up". What a bitch right? It wasn't one of those jokingly shouts, rather, she was serious with her tone. Dumb... She was suppose to pass me the colour code template but till now she hasn't passed to me. Fortunately, I don't really need it... Thank goodness she's no more in SCMC. Don't have to see her in the clubroom for years to come....

E = Evil; EE = Evil Evette... What am I talking about? It only comes clear when you start looking at Jans or Chew. Those two are one of the most "evil" people I know... One likes to push old people down, the other....... just simply "evil". *Pls don't take my words so seriously, they don't do such bad things. It's just an internal joke* But somehow, I'm starting to worry about me being the only guy in the group with three very talkative girls. Haha... I hope things go well...

I don't know why I'm very tired recently, but I hope I can get myself back on track before the weeks stretch ahead. I really must pull my cap up this sem and I really intend to.

Disgusted yet Amazed
The Mixed Boy

Award with no meaning but had great meaning...

What am I talking about? Today, I received a Special Mention Award from my director before he stood down from his post after one year of commitment. It never came to me that I would/should get it in the first place. First, because I know there are others that do so much more than me(sorry Geraldine, I don't mean to say that you didn't do anything lah... You did alot, you just didn't know). Second, the award, to me, was merely a paper with writings. What we experienced, was much more than what a mere paper can tell... As what my father mentioned to me recently, "So what if you do all these things, you'll get a pat on the back and soon after, they'll forget you entirely. So what is that relevant to your future?" I agree what somehow, things like this might happen. But through the whole course, we get to do things that you don't get to do when you are older. Leadership is a skill, leading is a passion, fun is in the middle of them. When you want to lead, fun will follow. Just that time is the essence, which is something my parents can't compromise to... Don't worry Science Fac, no matter what, I always support you...
Back to the topic of my comm, I hope we can support science faculty together and have fun as long as we live. I don't have much close friends who are fun seeking and you all are those close friends. I thank you all again(boss thanks) for the support and the award.

Tired yet Proud Pub Comm Member
The Mixed Boy

The truth behind darken skys...

There's a time for praises, there's also a time for critisms... But when people scrutinize on the fact that I'm sensitive, pains me to feel that I look no more than a wimp/a cry baby. People don't see the need for a sensitive guy in this era at all... Then who started on the trend that guys should be sensitive? When people like me tries to be caring and sensitive to issues, they think we're sissies... The norm of seeing me for who I am and not what I am have bypass the gates of sensitivity to the realms of harsh environment.

I don't like to be harsh... I don't like to raise my voice; I don't like to scold people... It's never my nature... Even when I'm angry, I seldom scold people out of fear that friendships/colleague relationships would be tarnished.

I noticed a few things about people around me... I used to hear stories that if the top of your head has one "hole", you are probably a good boy/girl, discipline and all; If you have two "holes" then you are mischef and like to play around. When I was in lecture one day, I suddenly looked around and peered on everyone's head. Within my range, 100% were one "holed". Mine is a two... I feel so demoralised that I'm the "mischef" one...

I also noticed that I like to inspire people but I lack alot of chrisma... I can hardly catch anyone's attention or inspire anyone to do what I do... Even a simple task of influencing my friends to do what I think is right is corrected with a sweeping statement... It makes me look as if I'm unprofessional and childish... This is not the first time I'm repeating this but when I'm playful, people are serious; when I'm dead serious, they think I'm joking... What a way to lead my life...

No chrisma, no image, no money, no height, no brains, etc... I don't know what am I left with... Even the liking for someone is simply crushed by her assumption of me... I want to try ok!!! At least accept me for me... not what I am...

Upset and Tired

The Mixed Boy

The truth behind darken skys...

There's a time for praises, there's also a time for critisms... But when people scrutinize on the fact that I'm sensitive, pains me to feel that I look no more than a wimp/a cry baby. People don't see the need for a sensitive guy in this era at all... Then who started on the trend that guys should be sensitive? When people like me tries to be caring and sensitive to issues, they think we're sissies... The norm of seeing me for who I am and not what I am have bypass the gates of sensitivity to the realms of harsh environment.
I don't like to be harsh... I don't like to raise my voice; I don't like to scold people... It's never my nature... Even when I'm angry, I seldom scold people out of fear that friendships/colleague relationships would be tarnished.
I noticed a few things about people around me... I used to hear stories that if the top of your head has one "hole", you are probably a good boy/girl, discipline and all; If you have two "holes" then you are mischef and like to play around. When I was in lecture one day, I suddenly looked around and peered on everyone's head. Within my range, 100% were one "holed". Mine is a two... I feel so demoralised that I'm the "mischef" one...
I also noticed that I like to inspire people but I lack alot of chrisma... I can hardly catch anyone's attention or inspire anyone to do what I do... Even a simple task of influencing my friends to do what I think is right is corrected with a sweeping statement... It makes me look as if I'm unprofessional and childish... This is not the first time I'm repeating this but when I'm playful, people are serious; when I'm dead serious, they think I'm joking... What a way to lead my life...
No chrisma, no image, no money, no height, no brains, etc... I don't know what am I left with... Even the liking for someone is simply crushed by her assumption of me... I want to try ok!!! At least accept me for me... not what I am...

Upset and Tired
The Mixed Boy

The works of D&D,SOW work and studies clumping together...

Till now, I've not the time to even read my notes thoroughly. It's going to be week 4 with 9 weeks left and yet I'm rather far behind. To make things worse, the program that enables me to make autorun menus is quite complex and doesn't seem to project the menu I intended to have. Maybe I would just have a simple menu then. The menu tha I design somehow looks appealing enough, so I'm not that worried about it. The last thing to do is to try re-digitalizing my video one last time to match the quality difference before I can safely compile everything into a draft DVD for vetting once again. The photos on the other hand, ARE BLOODY IRRITATING!!! I've to juggle 6.2G of photos, which I just don't know what to do with them. I need to eliminate 3G of photos just to fit into the dvd... Crazy...
I left 2 things for the D&D, my health and a chocker. I think yesterday's run was taxing on my legs. Now I've a flu. I don't have anything on my neck that looks presentable during the night, so I need to get something nice... Intending to get something that spells out SOW... Hmmm... But can't seem to find it.. Oh no... That means I need to go around looking for it later...
I think I should focus on my notes for now... I should at least read my Actin Part A up to compensate the time lag. Because tomorrow I would probably return home like in the afternoon and wouldn't be too awake to do anything... Hope I can get well before D&D...

Hoping for the Best
The Mixed Boy