Thursday, November 30, 2006

To eat "Cai Fan" or not to eat "Cai Fan". That is the question..

I was going to have lunch with Judy and the rest but there didn't seem to have anything much to eat. So I was pacing up and down on what to eat. So I thought maybe just join the rest. Then when I stood behind Judy, she asked me this very silly question, "Why you eat 'cai fan'?" ("cai fan" = economy food, vegetable rice for direct translation). I was stunned for the next 1 min, it was like asking why is the sky blue or why do I wear black today. So I told her that we need to use a statistical analysis for this and she INSISTED in seeing. So... here it is...

We want to know whether me, thinking whether to eat "cai fan", before I bought food and after is the same AND eventually decide to buy it. So while pacing up and down, I ask myself the question, "Should I eat 'cai fan'?" For more illustration, see the table below:

I was lazy to type the workings so look below for my scribbled workings hope you can see it clearly:
X-sq = 0


At α = 0.05 level, we reject H0 if X-sq > X-sq 1,0.95.
Since X-sq is less than 3.84, we do not reject H0 and conclude that I would be eating "cai fan" after all...







BUT..... Actually I just went to Bambinos to eat baked Pasta... Hahaha... Enjoy people...

Enjoying his time now
The Mixed Boy



A test of confidence...

Let me show you Biostatistics students in my cohort what I learnt from Biostatistics. It will come in handy after this paper. No more stats for the rest of my life, though Andy has made a big impact in my life. He really made the module very interesting and I love his lectures. He made lectures so much easier to learn and easier to capture. Unfortunately, his papers is one of the killer papers in NUS and I didn't get to do the last question. It was the easiest question that was available. Only managed to finish most of it. Damn... It's all about speed and precision. It's all over now... Thank GOD... But for those who think of recruiting me into statistics, haha, sorry, I'll pass...

Lets say I want to test how confident I am before the paper and after the paper. I ask myself this very same question throughout the period of 2hours, plus minus the waiting time, "I'm going to survive this paper..." The number of times I ask myself before and after the test can be illustrated below

So after coming out with this table, we must use McNemar's test because we want to see whether they differ. Since b+c >20, we must use Chi-square approx test:

H0 : P(Confidence before paper) equals to P(Confidence after paper)
H1 : P(Confidence before paper) not equals to P(Confidence after paper)

Test Statistics:


X2 = 985.0090817

At alpha = 0.05 level, we reject H0 if X2 >X21,0.95. Since X2 > X21,0.95 = 3.84, we reject H0 and conclude that there is a difference in the confidence level. Thus, it means that I was confident initially, now I'm going to die... Thank you everyone for appreciating my work. If you don't then too bad...

Traumatized by ST2238
The Mixed Boy

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

IT ==> Immediate Termination

I was suppose to blog yesterday but I guess I was very lazy to do it. Didn't really have the mood because I didn't do very well for the paper. Oh well what to do? It goes to those who never study, if you didn't study, you'll end up like me.. *Sigh*

IT is the first module I've seen so far that is so ambigous. I always thought that it would probably be something as hard-facts as Math. But the questions were all revised and they were very very ambigous. I was on the brink of tearing the paper and screaming to the lecturer, "What the hell are these questions? So ambigous, you might as well make them open-ended questions." But I did my best to understand all the questions and applied to my understanding. Hopefully everything will come out find. A minimum of B+ is all I ask for...

The next stop is Stats. I don't know whether I'm ready or not but somehow I should be practising more papers. However, the lecturer says that there's no need to practise any of the papers as his paper would appear like the tutorials. Hopefully it's something I can catch fast...

On his toes
The Mixed Boy

P.S. I noticed Ariane is very cute... As cute as Peiyi, very blur...

Monday, November 27, 2006

Cell Bio causes Cell Death, not apoptosis...

If you are looking for the answer for what causes a programed cell death, it's cell bio, not apoptosis. It killed my brain cells during the exam and now I can't stop thinking that I actually didn't do well for the paper. There were so many minor details that were to be taken note of and to write it down on the paper. I was so sure that I remembered all the information before the paper the day before. But when I entered the exam hall, it just went *blink*. I had a sever headache and I couldn't register full sentences immediately. All I know is that I was reading line by line, again and again, trying to register the question. The questions were tricky and I guess I had too little neutrons to process the remaining data.
One thing to note, don't drink too much coffee & read cell bio, it will promote over expression of Bad, Bax and Bak. It will also over express Fas receptors that would promote cell death receptor pathway 1 and 2. NO will be excreted too often that would cause vasodilation and you will experience flushing. The worse thing to do is to eat nitroglycerin, that would cause death of the body immediately. So kids, don't try that at home...
Now for the next prime target(paper), IT1001!!! Watch out!!!

Still having headache
The Mixed Boy

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Packs of lies... to myself...

I just got to noticed something, YM is attached... Haha... at least I think she is. I guess I should believe she is. Oh well, back to the drawing board. Guess it's going to be me, myself and I for awhile. When you just need the special someone to give you that extra drive, haha, but just not there to give it to you. My feelings are toying with me; Love is playing with me... Really, it is manupliating my feelings to it's joy, making me fall for people I shouldn't fall in the first place. At least I wished I knew it in the first place. I hate to be caught in a love triangle, or something that would make me so out, so desperate. I'm not desperate for a girl, I just want to rest on someone's shoulder or lap too. I'm still human, I need the extra boost too. So what I am a guy? Guys are still human and need some moral support somewhere too. I also just wish I don't attract the wrong crowds... Haiz...

"I am dancing with myself..."
Dancing with myself by Billy Idol

Upset and Frustrated
The Mixed Boy

Sunday, November 19, 2006

My Untouchable Chocolate Girl...

If you noticed the surveys I did on the side panels, I believe they are simply rubbish. There are so many other factors to consider and their answers are very bias. It is not Asian inclined and unrealistic. I guess it is just to kill time.

During my jog yesterday, I was thinking of a few stuff... Many things cannot be solved with mere discardings. But I've made a few decisions that might make some impact on me. Hopefully it will make good comings... Sometimes I hate to see people around me get affected by my sensitive issues. It seems like I can't handle my own problems at all when I'm actually handling them.

Chocolate girl chocolate girl... So sweet, so guillible, so smooth on the edges, yet it can't be touched. It is priceless, a work of art from the angels, meant to be displayed by the glass window. Like a young boy staring the whole afternoon at the display window, hoping that the chocolate girl would talk to him and play with him. Yet he is a mere boy, lost in his town, in the society that sees him as a nuisance brat. This little boy clinched his hands very hard, trying to hide his feelings in his heart and act brave in front of the people around him. He knows that if he were to burst out crying, nobody, absolutely no one would give him the slightest respect at all, not even the title of "nuisance brat". He would be a 'nothing', a 'useless nothing'. So he holds back everything and closes his eyes, gritting his teeth as hard as he can. Suddenly, he heard a soothing voice... "Don't cry little boy, you have a long way to go. Life is not as bad it seems, you have a healthy body, fight for what you believe. Without you, there may not even be a 'brat' in this society at all. You are unique. Don't let your sufferings get the best of you. Fight for what/who you love... Take care little boy..." The boy opens his eyes widely and looked in front of him. The chocolate girl is gone... He looked around for her to catch the last glimpse of her but to no avail. He went into the shop and asked the shop keeper where 'she' went to and all he got for the answer was, "sold out".

Little boy, little boy, left alone in this world. The only hope to live with his chocolate girl, crumbled and blown away... He never forgets what 'she' told him in his thoughts. In fact, he continues to be strong to continue looking for her again.

This story isn't adapted from anywhere, it just came to my mind and I thought of typing it down. But the next section is something Adriane passed to me to see. It's something about love advice and well, though it's not something pleasant yet it's something meaningful. I think it would good to share it with everyone:

The Mysterious Thing Called ‘LOVE’…

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame; let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love has always been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

“If you want to be happy, be.”

Adapted from Ariane(not the real writter)

In deep thoughts
The Mixed Boy

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I wish...

I wish she was local.....

Upset
The Mixed Boy

Friday, November 17, 2006

I will NEVER be a slave to "LOVE"...

My search to look for a better tomorrow still continues... I'm not a sort of person who willingly continues to go for someone when there's already someone hitting of the girl. I don't know why, probably it's some code in me to not 'interfere'. Probably if I were to say this, all the girls that read this and happened to be hit by me would come out with an excuse like "I'm seeing someone" to make me give up. I guess it would spell out something then...
Exams are getting nearer and nearer and I'm getting rather depressed of my current situation now.. I can't believe that I can't control my way of life as what I used to. Somehow things were less demanding when we were younger. Now everyone wants to see is something that would benefit them. I strongly think I'm not knowledgable in many things. I can't impress anyone with anything, not even general knowledge. I really don't know what's wrong in my life... Studying too much makes me dull; studying too little makes me an idiot. How do you define studying just right when everyone in in university only believes in "mugging"? I don't mug, I just do progressive studying. And when I'm free, people are "mugging"; when I'm studying, they are free to do what they want to do. I think I'm just simply "suay" (unlucky). I can't seem to get anything right at all...
I don't want to be a slave of "LOVE" anymore... I don't ever want to start liking someone just to know I've no chance at her at all. I don't want it to be one side at all. I especially DON'T WANT it to be my own friends at all.. If it was some girl in other faculty, it wouldn't really matter because I won't get to see her at all. But in Science faculty... I get to see her almost everyday and it pains me to see a friend be lesser of a friend when love/liking steps in. I rather not have it in the first place. I don't want to assume anymore... I don't want to think anymore.. I don't want to BE the thinker... I don't want to grow grey hairs thinking so much of what the World is all about.. I don't want to plan far anymore... I don't want to be the outcast. I want to be normal... as normal as I can be... I wish I didn't offer my jacket at the first place... I wish I didn't get to know many people. I know I'll be living my live in denial but it probably would have saved me from endless depressions one after another... I wish it would stop... I HATE YOU "LOVE" WHEN I FIND YOU I WILL MAKE SURE YOU SUFFER AS MUCH AS I HAVE TILL NOW... I really hate you...

Covering eyes with hands and crying
The Mixed Boy

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A tiring and confused month...

Many things happened recently and it has been very very tiring for me. I believe it has been very tiring for many others too. I can't tell what has really been going through my head that clouds it so much. All I know is that LSM2104 was really a killer and it acts like a virus, not only out to kill me, but to kill many others as well as tarnish my friendship with my friends. I really don't like that feeling. The feeling of leading is assuring but it has it's tough times. Cell Biology wasn't any kind to me either. I spent the whole night studying for it and ended up having to sleep so much after that. I could not focus or finish up what I planned to finish. Games and songs were too tempting to resist...
Maybe I should stop blogging for a while, at least about a few months or so... It is fun to write down your feelings and all but it affects the way I write on the blog. Singaporean's personal space is growing thinner by the second. Who knows someday you will be receiving a call that you are tapping onto someone's connection and you will be charged for it; you will get sued by someone who you unintentionally offended; you will be charged for sending a composed music (by you) to your friends which was thought to be pirated... Who knows... Guess my work is getting hard on me... I'm just tired and frustrated about the way I'm studying... I just hope I can cover everything completely by the exams.
Have you had your feelings call you bluff? Suddenly, I feel for someone but somehow the attention was not noticed. I know she won't be reading this blog anyway. I loan her my jacket yesterday because I noticed her cuddling to herself. I was just afraid she would catch a cold. So I went all the way to my locker to get my other jacket that is made up of cloth to pass it to her. She looked great when I placed the jacket on her. Well, probably my actions to her was just what friends would usually do. I also wouldn't want to jump to conclusions that I actually somehow liked her. It was pretty amusing for her to comment on the smell of my jacket, that it had my smell and it smelt like chicken biscuits at first, then newly, washed laundry... A comment that would bring a smile to my face... But then... come to think about it... She never thought of being in a relationship before... Guess it's not really the time to say anything about it... Her replies were very distant and friend-like... It could spell out something...

The Mixed Boy

Friday, November 03, 2006

Life becomes so subtle suddenly...

Never knew it would come to this. I always believe when you hope for something so strongly about love, the feelings will not go away. It's not about me, it's about my ex... And I never knew I would hear it from my mom... I told her before not to tell me anything about her, but she still did. My days of waiting is over... Now I'm so upset, my whole day I would stoning around. And whenever I hear such things, bad event always accompanies...
I woke up and went to school, met my neighbour but she didn't talk to me at all... The morning was quiet. When we reached the lecture hall, I could catch her talking lively with her friend. Then my friends gave me results of the Bioinformatics in drips and draps that I felt so demoralized leading them. I want to be strong, but I just can't help being upset... I spent the whole lecture deciphering their results instead of listening to the lecturers lesson. In fact, the notes we dark and I can't intepret anything at all... I thought it would be over, but it continued with me not printing my cell bio notes and I had no notes to read during cell bio's lecture. I went empty handed with 138 slides to read, I just simply drown my feelings in games throughout the 1 and 1/2 hrs. As much as I hate understanding the instructions doing the project, I still have to instruct my friends on what we need to do next. It's the hardest thing to do because there's no supervision done upon them, yet they are always not together...
I didn't have lunch... I simply had some rice and some vegetarian stuff. Had to do a food sampling at XinMei's project. It's some gel that might be implimented for NSmen. I was halfway towards the lab with my friends when they mentioned about the stats assignment. Then I asked, "You handed it in already?" The answer came back in a questionable tone, "You haven't handed it in yet?! I think the dead line is 12pm..." I couldn't believe it... I was the last to know... I don't really remember it being 12pm, how can that be... I had to run all the way back to S16 to submit my assignment which was "1 hr late". I placed the inverted commas because I don't know whether they would be graded as late or not... But that's not the point... The point is that I don't know about it and I wasn't told... by my own friends...
Sometimes I wish Jans and Chew would take me more seriously... I'm not as lucky as them to be enjoying their days in and out of school... I don't have the luxury of going out of school to enjoy myself. It's always go to school and come back after that... One moment I'm a friend, Jo, another time I'm a "someone". You are as unpredictable as I am... and I hate that (includes hating myself).
I thought I could concentrate on Stats, but seems like for 1 hour, I was walking around looking into space and duing stats itself, I could not help but sleep on the lecturer's coarsed voice. Apparently, he had a bad sore throat and tries to talk to use about his lecture. Hope he gets well soon. I also cannot understand why people smoke in the campus. It's clearly shown as a SMOKE-FREE campus. Why not just write in to the president of the campus and change the SMOKE-FREE to FREE-SMOKE... Then you can have all the smoke all you want... Can't stand it...
I came home, dull as usually. Hopefully I can finish more stuff tonight.. I need alot of time...

Just Sad and Tired
The Mixed Boy