60hrs sleep deprivation - Personal experience

I gave myself many long thoughts before of my own future, initially to be a doctor, then a pharmacist, and lastly to be a researcher. Researching is sometimes fun and sometimes stressful, usually the latter. But the thought of where I stand in the Life Science cohort now makes me so inferior of my position as a visionary award winner. However, it still feels good to discover and invent new stuff.

I couldn't get interns because I handed my resume too late and of course, inconsiderate people just refuse to allow die hard life science fans from gaining more experience in their own field. Anyway, I happen to come across a clinical trial in my yahoo group that sounded quite interesting. It was a study on the effects of caffeine and how concentrations vary one's alertness. Many people discouraged themselves from taking clinical trials because of certain risks in life that cannot be explained most of the time. In the name of Science, there is always a substantial level of risk, only thing is how much and it differs from one person to another. To me, it's a challenge and a good experience on how would a patient would feel when undergoing such experiments. Who knows, I might be the one who would BE the researcher in the end. So.... I went for the meeting to get the letter of consent. The experiment was simple, you can't take caffeine, that includes coffee, chocolate (yup chocolate has a very little amount of caffeine inside, much lesser than coffee), tea, coke, mountain dew (the carbonated drink), and sprite. Meals will be given to you, 3 meals per day PLUS tit bits and biscuits for in-betweens. There will be drawing of 4mL of blood (so we'll be on a cannula) and saliva every 8 hours, and quizzes every 4 hours as well as caffeine pills given every 2-6 hours each. The only downfall of the experiment was to stay awake for 60hrs, at one stretch. After which, you'll sleep for 12 hours before attempting 2 last quizzes. AND you can't bring in electronics that can storage memory, including laptops and PSP!!! ARRRRHHHHH!!!!! That's as loooooooooooooooong as the first Subaru challenge winner. There were cases where patients vomitted and pulled out some time around 40-60hrs. Hallucinations are also one of the cases. Risks such as these can be discouraging, yet, I'm willing to take up the challenge and do what's necessary for my future. Went for the screening and passed it flawlessly.

On the first day of the trial, 8 of us, Jia Hao, Wei Ming, Teck Lee, Johnathon, Eugene, Nathan, Auguste and I arrived in the laboratory. We were subjected to a cost room for adaption night, to adapt to the coldness of the place as well as to the food then. The food will be similar throughout all three days. The lounge is where we had to be throughout the 60hrs, had TV, DVD players, board games, pool table (with no balls -_- what the hell), table soccer (but no one wants to play it -_- what the hell) and wonderful cushions. So the night came and we were all not so keen to sleep that night, but who knows that we should have had more of sleep.

The first 20 - 30 hours was probably alright, everything was smooth and we did the test with much confident. From 35 - 50 hrs, time passed so slow as if every minute it was like a hammer driving a stock across our minds. It was draining up more energy trying to keep awake then trying to eat or watch the television. The only thing that could keep us awake as a game of Pictionary and Taboo. Only these two games could make us laugh ourselves awake. Was a good strategy and so that was the next 30 hrs of laughter, but the quizzes were still a terror. You can see bloodshot eyes and zombified faces every time we were pulled awake from the games. The quizzes were testing on the level of concentration at that moment. Believe me, it was REALLY hard to focus your mind and keep your eyes open during the quizzes. You will manage to see people facing awake or falling asleep during the quizzes. Not to mention zombified faces. Hahaha... Then you'll even hear beepings from one terminal to indicate that someone is pressing on a key for too long. Haha.. The feeling of wanting to complete the quiz is very very high but have reduced your confidence in performing well for the quiz to a very low percentage. Every time I do the test, I would have predicted what the researchers would have interpreted the data. It became clearer and clearer to me on what could have came out from the study itself. To me 60 hours is something really hard to accomplish with mere tactics such as watching TV or reading your favourite book, quite impossible. I develop headaches and severe dry lips. Drinking of water did not help since it's the air-conditioning that is causing the dryness. I took out my cannula after 40+ hours because it became painful and itchy. It probably caused internal injury in the area since I'm still having some pain now. Subsequent draws had to be punctured but were all done smoothly and with minimal/no pain.

It came to the end of the 60th hour, YES!!!! We had our bath and dinner before our sleep on the 61st hour for 12 solid hours. I thought I wouldn't sleep that much but to my surprise, I was really sleeping like a log. I didn't wake up at all and it felt like the 12 hours flew pass like a breeze. Too me some time before I could manage to lift myself from the bed, my body ached all over. Everyone woke up full of enthusiasm to come the 2 last quizzes and drew the last sample of blood and saliva. I really wonder whether the nurse is really a qualified one or not. She drew the last 4mL of blood but somehow pierced half of the needle slowly, then went in the 2nd half quite fast. I was shocked and I think it was very very close to a nerve because ofter that there is a bruising pain around the area. Quite scary... Eeyer... Fortunately was only that very last time... I wouldn't want her to keep drawing from me numerous times.

That 60 hours made us 8 people become close friends, it was more like a mutual friendship that we understand each other's feelings. Unfortunately, Eugene dropped out on the 50th hour because he had a fever. Was sad for him, WeiMing nearly dropped out too for he had a slight temperature. Good thing his will power was much stronger than his immune system. I also found out that I lack a lot of general knowledge. I didn't know some basic things that we see/hear everyday like a turnover or hickey (which is actually a love bite). And just for laughs, I've gotten to know that the Emu is extinct, the ostrich can fly and lives only in Africa, our mother will definitely give us breast milk when we're young and there's a character called Crusty the Snowman. Hahaha... Oh well, time flies when you are enjoying yourself. That's what happened in the trial, everyone comes and goes with a blink of an eye. Before you know it, you're back in the bus heading for home. It's a wonderful yet excruciating experience. I probably wouldn't want to experience such an ordeal again but I look forward to other forms of experiment that would feed on my hungry mind.

Cannula - A flexible tube, usually containing a trocar at one end, that is inserted into a bodily cavity, duct, or vessel to drain fluid or administer a substance such as a medication.

Adapted from www.Answers.com

Sleep Deprived
The Mixed Boy

The sign of fatigue and lost of faith in oneself...

It's yet another day with nothing much to do. I DO have some planning to do but it seems that it's getting out of hand and I've lost alot of control over it. Intern companies just don't salvage people like me, I just don't know why... I'm not lazy, I'm not stupid, I'm interested in my field, but why don't people notice me? Everyday I continue the same circle of thoughts, round and round. I kept thinking why is the world so strange and why people go back in their words (including myself sometimes). Why people complain over the smallest things but waiver away the extreme ones. Why do I always give in to people's request when I myself am an individual and have the right to stand up for myself. Why do people just merely say I'm just being kind and supportive but don't seem to treasure this friend of theirs. Why is everyone indulge in their own space that they have forgotten the ones that used to be in the circle itself?

I just keep on thinking them day by day, quiet as I can be. Looking dazed at the surroundings and the sky; running around getting my stuff for the coming dinner and dance somewhat in end of August or beginning of September. Along this period, I've seen many many sad things about our society that strangely, I feel upset only now. Some people can just be in the world of their own, hugging and holding hands at poles in the train, disallowing others to hang on to it. Some just lean on it as if they own the pole for themselves. Why do they have to choose at a time when there's so many people in the train. I know there's ALWAYS so many people in the train, the reason more that they SHOULDN'T be inconsiderate.

I can't see why must I keep asking people whether they want to accompany me to get stuff or go out for a cup of coffee when they themselves have things to do in the first place. I feel so dumb about them telling me to ask them out when most of the time, they reject me whenever I ask them. Then in the end, they say that I always ask at the wrong time or I'm being insociable. -_- Sick and tired of people saying I've little confidence when every little bit of it just gets nicked off by these people. ARHH!! I don't want to think about it anymore. I've cared lesser for my family problems, it should be lesser for things like these in school. Fatigue is the word, I'm tired. I'm TIRED of hearing excuses that are intangible, sick and tired of seeing myself being the receiving end of rejection. If there's still a sensible person out there that understands my feelings, I hope they'll cheer me up soon. I'll just take the days as they pass by, no more already, please....

Tired
The Mixed Boy

Being alone sometimes...

It's been about 3 weeks after my last paper and being alone for so long (not that I've never BEEN alone for this long before), sometimes makes me appreciate why I'm alone. I'm not saying that I'm happy being alone but it gives me a better view of many things in life. It's not easy to be alone, neither is it easy being in a relationship. I'm not talking about the everyday relationship we all think of but to bring it up to the next level kind of relationship. What I'm referring about is marriage. Marriage isn't a simple "I do" thing, but a whole new life altogether. Even without having children, options crash in to a few tiny ones. Some say that marriage crushes all dreams, some say it opens new ones. But most important of all is what constitutes to a marriage. What actually is the importance in the process of being in a marriage/after marriage that makes it good? Must we get burnt before we know what truely love? Must we lose something before we understand?

Besides marriage, how about family. Is blood really thicker than water? Must we help those that we don't even know that well, even if it means by giving up one of our kidneys? What is a family in the first place? A group that guides us in our learning path or a patriot agenda? How do we know whether a particular culture is correct while another isn't? How come we tend to see in the eyes of the "more correct" person than the "least correct" one? These questions of mine, are just trivial yet hard questions to answer. Nobody is right or wrong when answering them. As much as my brain is producing hormones to react to the feeling of unsureness, it will probably not give me the right answer to my queries but only the best . I feel like I'm reacting to Kant's theory of what's right to what's good. Sometimes viewing another culture displaying different lifestyles than I do, makes me squint my eyes in confusion. But after some thought, they are probably right in their culture, but seems so wrong in mine.

One old sage once said, "you'll never know until you put yourself in their shoes..." It always feels so laughable at first, but when you experience such an event, and put yourself in their shoes, it becomes so clear that experiencing something is so much real than just thinking of it. So is being burnt in a relationship really necessary for a good one? Seems so wrong right? But quarrels don't necessarily mean bad, they just mean a progress of building up bonds/communication. If the quarrels ended good, the bridge is built; if not, then it fails to be build and we may have some "casualties". But most of the time, quarrels we have tend to mislead and bring about wrong facts. Some of them also are caused by failure in preparation/planning. To me, I dislike quarreling with someone, not to mention shouting at one. I just get involved in them because, it seems that, I always can't get the other party to understand what I'm trying to say. Most of the time, it's quite obvious for the other party to understand even without me explaining to them. I always treated them as adults to find out the truth by themselves. Sometimes telling out the problem doesn't solve anything, it may require a mutual understanding from the other party to react accordingly. That, many people can't understand. We say that we're cosmopolitan, but we're only reaching to that level, not yet there. How can we be considered as one when we still have groups? How can we understand each other when one doesn't show that they understand?

People say that friends are just temporary, they come and go as we grow. Haha... ironically, that's not what I heard when I was young. Teachers, friends and TV programs keep saying that friends will always be there and friends will understand one another. Hahaha... strangely enough, I don't seem to see it as I grow up. I always thought I would gain understanding from my peers if I were to put in extra effort in whatever I do and try to understand their position. But I failed... I failed to see why there is so much digress and how can one say that I'm over-reacting. If one can have their own beliefs, why can't I? How can they be successful in their beliefs but I fail in mine. Is being one big family so hard to achieve? Am I not putting enough effort? I'm already tired and wanting to let go of all this probabilities but people around me don't seem to understand my feeling. I always seem to deviate...

I spend most of my time reading stuff, comics, magazines, articles, etc.. I don't seem to have a choice in having fun with other people. Everyone's in the "attached" mood. Ever since I stepped into year 2, things changed tremendously. I lose alot of faith in alot of things and I grow weak and lifeless in my beliefs. Yet, I still have to do my best to pull up my CAP to suit my parents as well as my future dream as a NAR, since being a doctor is already a shattered dream. I always thought I would learn to let loose and learn how to bring up myself as what my brother learnt many years ago. But it didn't seem like it now, I still stay in school as often as I used to and I didn't get to go anywhere else other than home. I'm just re-enacting my life as a secondary and JC student. I feel sad for myself, more like sympathizing. I don't get to understand myself better, moreover, I don't get to see myself as a potential "great guy". All I see is a 23 year old man attending to his curfews diligently. Sometimes I don't even know why I obliged to them, sometimes I don't know why I want to understand certain stuff. More over, I don't understand why I want to think so much either.

Hah... I don't really know why I'm saying all these. They are like words meant to be said to friends to listen and share my grief, yet I'm just typing it out to a screen that never talks back. Hahaha... Sometimes it makes me look very silly, but what can I do? It's the only thing I can relate to when I'm alone and with no one to talk to. Well, they are just random thoughts by themselves. I think they should just remain as random thoughts then.

Thinking
The Mixed Boy

The feeling of loneliness.

I didn't know that I would really feel this feeling but ever since my brother sly to Japan for his grad trip, things really been very quiet and lonely here. It feels really very sianz and I'm trying to create my own schedule to occupy my time. Maple Story isn't always the alternative to my chance of "freedom". Dilemmas give that extra thrill to the loneliness. I really need to do alot of planning...

Thinking
The Mixed Boy

I want to grow out of this old skin of mine...

I want to be someone else... Because all I hear is be yourself and be confident. I think people fail to understand that I've always been. They always fail to understand my feelings and my efforts. They ALWAYS assume first that I've not done enough. But I want to grow out of myself. I'm sick of this 'skin', I want to have another mindset altogether... I don't want to be this race that I hold for 23 years already, it has a existing repulse on other groups. I don't want to hold these characteristics because 'they' are aware of the hypocritical environment that I'm in. I want another set of characteristics that are willing to be ignorant of the current attitudes of people around me, want to be selfish and slack, so that I at least have a reason to be hated and alone. I hate when people think of things lightly and think things can be solved as easy as ABC. I really hate to hear the same old lines again and again. I hate MSN. I also hate online communications, you can't seem to see what the hell the other party is thinking, guesturing or looking at. They can say that they are reading for all they want, I still am not sure whether they had flip to a sports page or a shopping auctions over my upsetting conversation. It's as if I'm not even anywhere near their line of importance as a friend. Sometimes I want to take a long walk, away from home and go somewhere else. Sometimes I want to sit somewhere and read my books/notes where no one can find me. Sometimes I wonder why people think that I must branch out to people when I've already done that and they in turn aren't branching themselves out. It's such a confusing 'game'. It makes me look like a fool to follow steps just to know I don't see a result at all. I don't isolate myself, I never did. If you come up to me and talk, be a little more patient with my feelings, probably I would have given you a nice conversation. The fact that is when people try to talk to me, I'm already in a upset mood. Moreover, I'm already in the phase of "I'm not sure why you are talking to me, is it for work or for the sake of talking to me" kind of feeling. If I'm important enough, there would have been a little more resistant to not want to leave me alone. Must I always say all this before people understand what one should do when others don't seem themselves? I think it's unfair to me when I've already tried to share my personality and others take it for granted.

Swore not to talk verbally for 3 days
The Mixed Boy

The confinement...

I never thought in my studying years that I would come across this experience, but the feeling is interesting. I was more focus on trying to do well for my modules that it was a burden for me to move around too much or do simple grooming like shaving. Combing was still alright since the comb is always an arms away from my seat. My bead is beside my seat and my table is just behind me, what else is there needed? Just a cup of coffee though. Lets just say that coffee is sent to me every day like a prisoner in a cell... It would make me look like what I look in the picture below after 1 plus weeks of not shaving and leaving my house:
OMG!!! WTH... I look like a bloody begger. Of course, I would shave on the day of my papers, so that people won't start dropping coins at my feet or something. The point is that I have NEVER accumulated SO much hair on my chins before. Haha... Not to mention my long hair, it's long enough to tie it up already. Broke my record. So that above, is after my first week, after my shave, I had to wait for another 1 WEEK for my last two papers. The routine remained and there you go again, the begger style:

If you can see clearly, I also have hair on my cheeks and my mustache is showing clearly. Eeyer... Really feels like outcast on an island and deprived from a good shaver. Haha... Well, today is my last day of my exams and I have done my shavings, so this is how I look like AFTER my shave:

Yup, clean and no beard drooping from my chins no more... It really feels better now... Now I need to do is get a good short hairstyle...

Feeling good for the death of Exams
The Mixed Boy

Smart-gene regulation...

The last specimen done and ridden with. Why is it so hard to understand all these damn hard questions? All tricky and criss-cross? I tell you why, it's because we are different from the prof's level. Level of what? Age? Knowledge? No... It is regulation, regulation in expression of genes in fact.

We have a whole different level of regulation as compared to the profs. Why is that so? It comprise of many factors, the more prominent ones are due to epigenetic changes or presence of repressors that inhibit expression of our smart-gene. Studies have shown that there is a dominant repressor called the smart-o-pressor that binds strongly to the smart-gene promoter. There is still tests going on to test out whether there are other transcriptional factors that prevent the transcription of the smart-gene. Dr Jo, a Phd achiever at the age of 23 expresses his experience, "It is hard to come to a conclusion on what actually affects the expression levels. The fact that expression of mRNA is still so ambiguous that it's not easy to pin-point the exact location of the specific transcriptional factor binding on the DNA or whether it is of the structural formation of the mRNA that enhances the translational levels of the smart protein. It can even be a steroid receptor that causes it's enhancement. I have run tests as long as 5 years and my team and I are still on the brinks of getting more results from the tests. We are confident that there IS a difference in regulational levels that causes the difference between profs and students. In fact, there is a hypothesis that the levels of stresscolin may be an influence to the expression levels of the smart gene. However, there is little evidence on that subject..."

The human body is a mysterious thing, even with the layout of the human genome itself. Like what Dr Jo has mentioned, it's hard to conclude the probably cause of this change. To have fun or to study? To increase our stresscolin or fun-o-kinase? Though both pathways have their advantage, they, too, have their flaws. With such ambiguity, thus, there is a emphasis on the need to research on this area of interest, who knows, maybe there can be a possibility of knocking in more smart-genes for higher expression rates.

Adapted from one of Dr Jo's journals
The Mix Boy

The Well-studied state...

In the early-studied state, the knowledge from books and notes flow into the brain, which the brain needs it a lot. Stresscogen is still broken down as the level of stressolin is still increasing. However, stresscogen is not synthesized by the stress in the blood but from stresso-1-phosphate produced from stresscogen. Lactate produced from the muscles and other tissues due to forceful thinking is not proceeded to Cori cycle by interrupted and sent to liver for stresscogen synthesis.

In the well-studied state, the levels of stressolin is at it's maximum and the brain will conduct stresscogen synthesis only, taking the stress from the blood. Lipid synthesis still occurs as the individual will feel very hungry every time stressolin is expressed. Thus, usually the patient is very fat.

Long exposure to stressolin will cause sensitivity of stress receptors to drop. It will cause the patient to be numb to studies and may be fatal as the patient loses sense of what is in front of him/her.

There is only one way to cure this sickness and it is the injection of fun-o-kinase at a period of once per day. Fun-o-kinase will phosphorylate stresscogen synthase and inactivate it. As stresscogen synthase and stresscogen phosphorylase is a multi-enzyme, phosphorylase can be activated and cleave off stresscogen. The release of stresscogen from the body through the blood enables survival of the individual. Tests have been conducted in Singapore by Dr Jo together with various statistical evidence, there seems to be a decrease in insane or deaths of individual when stresscogen levels are lowered by the activity of fun-o-kinase activity. He also added that, "it is important to take some time off everyday to have some fun to reduce the amount of stress inside you..." Thus it is important to be studying but also tactful on the amount of studying needed a day. If you need a rest, take the rest and rest well... No use stressing over something that cannot be helped...

Analysis studies by Dr Jo
The Mixed Boy