The so call "birthday"

My birthday yesterday was..................................quiet...............


Hypothesis coming up...

The Mixed Boy

This feeling...

The feeling of giving is always better than taking something from someone. Today's visit to my aunt's place really made me feel really good about my character. To think of others more than yourself makes people around you happy, which in turn, makes me happy. But happy things don't come just as easy. You have to work for it, thus it's tiring to keep on giving in so much enthusiasm. It in turn, also makes me feel much older than I usually feel. It's as if I've all grown up and seeing the younger ones taking over my place as an "energetic individual". Though there's so much more to accept and consider, it is how we as individuals have to live through. One of my relatives, Marianne, lived in UK all her life and is visiting Singapore for the first time. She looks awfully like an Asian but with fluent British accent. The thing about her is that her level of tolerance was remarkably better than I am. Marianne mentioned that UK's studies were very hard, but my mom emphasized that Singapore's studies were much harder than UK's (not necessarily true, it's just her own opinion). I was on the brink of rebutting Marianne, but seeing her "accepting" the idea of Singapore's studies were harder, made me realized that I was a little bit too impulsive and stereotype. Tolerance and acceptance is what we should learn to have. Only then that we can see through many barriers that inhibits every group.

But giving is a double edged sword. Giving too much makes you vulnerable, people just takes advantage of you without noticing the effort you fork out for them. The term "survival of the fittest" blinds everyone from the hard work and time one would fork out for them. Energy can be replenished but time cannot. If the person doesn't appreciate your hard work, it's best not to provide them with your hard work at all... They will be discarding it anyway...

The choice of giving is then very doubtful...

The Mixed Boy

From something to zero...

Can't stop thinking that shit is upon me again.. I'm trying as hard as I can to accept certain facts in life. Especially when the "only person" I can be really close to, talk to, share things with, is not in sync with what I believe in the near future. For many months now, it's been rather alright and things have gotten really smooth. I knew that it can never happen, but I don't understand why I still continue to do what I do. I could have stopped 4 days ago, but I continue to get something as well.. Now I'm just hurting myself more and more each passing day... I hate this feeling. I want to get away from everything. To run away from everything now... but I can't.... I have to continue the week as if nothing has happen. Tomorrow is the only day I think I want to get it done and over with...

Sadded
The Mixed Boy

False Positive Friends

Friends see what they see but don't see the _ _ _ _ _
Friends do what they do but don't _ _ _ _ _ _ _ in it
Friends say what they say but don't _ _ _ _ _ it
Friends feel what they feel but neglect _ _ _ _ _ _ _ it
Friends trust what they trust but don't _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ it
Friends declare what they declare but never _ _ _ _ _ _ _

What is a friend then...? Close your eyes and feel your heart, ask yourself, who are your real friends........... Who are your real 'brothers' and 'sisters' who would do what they do...

The Mixed Boy

The continuation of the end...

It's not really my feel to blog right now or anytime soon but today is just some grueling day that forces me to blog. I don't blog no more mainly because there's no use in letting people know how I feel anymore. Friends are people to choose based on their own criteria. I on the other hand don't fall in much criteria. Sometimes I feel that I belong in the "dumping grounds" of an everyday life. When you are not needed, the more you'll be alone. Its so easy to be closer to someone else than to me. The jokes I crack don't seem funny no more. Hah... And yet people still ask me why am I so happy everyday... I guess living is harder than just dying... The challenge in surviving makes us who we are. But guess fantasy is much more promising now than being practical.

Very soon my mouth will be sealed and you will never hear a word from me again. Every sentence I say, every word I speak, is always interrupted by someone else. It's as if I don't play a significant role in their lives enough to be heard. And "enthusiast listening" is not listening at all... It's just listening to me for the sake of listening to me. Might as well shut myself up... Can't believe my sem's going to be a rush sem and I've not even prepared much... My "love life" is leading me in multiple directions and I'm struggling to keep myself from being controlled by it. I still hate "love" because it continuously blinds me day after day... I have a strong affinity towards Malaysians. I don't know why. I always get to know them easier than Singaporeans themselves. The ironic thing is that I'm a Singaporean too. Does being born in Malaysia have anything to do with having affinity towards Malaysians? I hope not, I hope it's just coincidental.

One more thing I've learnt... Promises are meant to be broken, so are all our hearts. If you can't handle fragile items, don't make them in the first place...

The Mixed Boy