Chalet anyone?

Chalet was more like relaxation for me and the others after a long month studying for the exams. Apparently, the chalet wasn't just a chalet but also a surprise party for someone... WOOOOOO who sia? That's our lovely comm secretary, Weinee. She turned 21 on the 23rd of May and there were plans arranged since 3 weeks ago. Almost everything was pre-planned. Transport, surprise, food, cake, presents, etc... All covered. I guess I had to step in to increase the fun as well... Haha... The plot is simple, bluff Weinee that chalet starts on the 24th and act as if we don't know anything, then ask her sister and her friends to cooperate with us in bluffing her. The get the food, cake and presents without her knowing before the date itself. Get Weinee's friends to ask her out on the 23rd and have a great time, blindfold her in the evening and take a taxi down to the chalet. Then the real fun begins. Haha...
But the thing is, getting to communicate with Weinee's sister is more of a hassle then getting the other things done. Because Weinee's very close to her sister and it's hard to avoid Weinee from getting wary of what's going on. SO we need to improvise, we need to do things fast and without mistakes. Guess Sky and Ginny were happy because the budget was well taken care of and everyone else were very cooperative in getting things done.
It came the day when the chalet starts. Ginny, Sky and I met at IMM to purchase stuff from GIANT and have lunch there. We had to arrive at the chalet at about 1430hrs to start on preparations and the deco. Time was with us. We managed to get things cleared and ballons blown by 1630hrs. More of the helpers came and things gotten better. By 2000hrs, everyone was around, the place was filled with card and mahjong players. I had my fun with "bridge", especially I just gotten to know how to play it. 2100hrs, a call came in and Weinee's friends and her were arriving soon. We prepared ourselves and rearranged all the furniture. 2115hrs, Weinee arrived in the scene and everyone was quiet, she came in and stood in front of the cake with her blindfolds still in tact. Her friends asked her to lift her blindfolds. To her amaze, her gasped to see so many people around her; the light litted and we sang the birthday song, both English and Mandarin. Without hesitation, photo taking was executed. Once the groups were done, the cake was cut and everyone had a great time. We wanted it to go smoothly and to end by 2200hrs because the last shuttle bus out of the place was at 2230hrs and we do not want people to be stranded in the chalet for no reason. Slowly everyone left, leaving the SOW comm.
The night lasted long with us playing mahjong and everyone else chit chatting or munching on some food. I played till about 0400hrs, then I went up to chat with the rest. We had a wonderful time. That's when I started to know everyone's names and who was in our comm. Can you believe that? Haha... I took that long... Anyway, I couldn't last the night, I started sleeping at about 7am and woke up at 10plus. I noticed others watching television and eating breakfast. They were preparing to leave for Bedok for lunch and get extra stuff for the BBQ that night. For your info, it was already the 24th of May then. We left the unit at 12pm.
I gotten myself a "breezer" before heading back to the chalet. It guess it was a great idea to buy fruits for the BBQ as well. We reached back at 1545hrs to watch the last few minutes of "Sprited Away". Once the movie ended at 1600hrs, everyone was sleeping besides me, Sky, SK, Yuhan, Michelle and Ginny. SK and I decided to go for a swim, we HAD to. It's a must... Sky and Ginny said that they would catch up later after the food arrives.
The swim was terrific, cool, refreshing and adredaline starts pumping in again. Not to mention the jacuzzy(did I spell that right?) SK introducted to me. Wasn't warm or hot, just bubblings, but it'll do just fine. We chit chatted till Sky joined us and things get alittle crampy. Haha... But we left shortly after that to try out the sauna. That's a must too... I didn't try that one before. I hardly could breathe at first in the sauna. It was filled with steam and it made my breathing a little hard to control. But after a while, my body adapted to the humidity. It was a great sweat too. Could feel that I enjoyed myself in the sauna before a refreshing cool bath. Ginny enjoyed her swim as well.
When we went back, the fire wasn't ready at all. Oh no... Muslim thought it was suppose to start at 1830hrs but what we wanted was it to be up BY 1830hrs. Oh well, just have to start on it then. The BBQ was swell, everyone enjoyed themselves, a great BBQ, lovely food, cool party(of people), what else is there missing? Me of course! I was out cold after drinking the "breezer" and one cup of vodka sprite. I wasn't dizzy or drunk, it just made me tired, which I hated alot. I was so sleepy I slept on the sofa without knowing who came and who talked to me. The only thing I knew were people teasing about my red face and some one passing me warm water. Then seeing "Shi Zu" coming in and her going off the next. -_-||| Awwww man.... That night was a simple night, BBQ, TV and sleep.
The next morning, I noticed everyone up, some left for work. I kept the cushions and blanket ( I don't know who placed the blanket over me... Hmmm...) and changed into my running attire. I took a short jog about 3km before going for a swim and sauna. The guys had lunch in the unit, it was left overs but it'll do just fine. In fact, the microwaved satay were wonderful. MmmMMmmMmmm.... Yum yum... After that, we rented some bicycles for some cycling. We had 4 single bikes, 2 single bikes with carriers and 2 tendons. The one with carriers were a tourture. We had to farry the girls. I'm not saying that they are heavy but the low seats and no gear bikes gave us the challenge, that somehow we lost halfway. The guys had to take turns farrying the girls. We stopped at Mcdonalds for more lunch and to refill. The return trip was a terrible yet fun experience. I manged to get Siwei over to the end of the Coasta Sands Chalet before handing it over to Joo Teng. Must have been hard on him because right after that, it started to rain. When it was time for Muslim to take over, I replaced him in the tendon and rode with Xinmei. Sky asked me to join him to rush back and drop the girls before going back for the other two girls. I complied and raced back. The rain continuously poured while I struggled to keep my vision clear. Once back at the chalet, the rain cleared. I dropped Xinmei before rushing back for the other girls. Apparently, the others were reaching the chalet but we offered to take the rest of the distance to lightened the load.
Once back, some of us had to go back home. After they left, only the predicted 8 remained. We decided to have a game of bowling before thinking of dinner. I guess bowling wasn't the right time then because somehow, after the first game, everyone got alittle distracted. I don't know why. Guess because more people had to go back home and only 4 would be left at the chalet for the night. Sky and Ginny ordered KFC for dinner, why KFC? I mean why that? Haha.. Anyway, time passed and it was down to the last 4 - Ginny, Sky, Weinee and I.
We were literally lazing around, not knowing what to do. Ginny wanted to get an hour's sleep before pulling through the rest of the night. I suggested walking to McDonalds to have a cup of coffee and relax there. Since Ginny isn't up yet, Sky and I took permanant makers and draw on her hands and face. When she woke up, we deliberately place our face very close to her and smiled. She was taken aback and noticed something was wrong. Then she went to the toilet and yelped. Hahaha... Anyway, she didn't want to go out and she said she was having this dizziness. That decided our fate and had to stay in the chalet. Oh well, photo taking then. We played with our poses till we ran out of ideas. Then we went to sleep.....
We thought we could have woken up to catch the sun rise, but we couldn't and we woke up at 0730hrs. We packed everything before going to the beach for a small stroll. The beach was wonderful. I managed to see some animals that I learnt in Biodiversity. It's very interesting and I'm proud of what I learnt during school. Time flew past and we had to check out. Breakfast and lunch was at Bedok McDonalds before taking the last trip home.
I wouldn't say I didn't enjoyed myself in the chalet, but I only could say I enjoyed up to 90%. Somehow, I really wished I could have stayed alittle longer but well, that's not possible. Anyway, why do you need chalets when you have SOW coming? Hahaha.. That would probably be a 1 month's "chalet"!!! Everyone ROCK ON!!!!

Happy, excited and tired
The Mixed Boy

The "BIG" Walk

It never occured to me that I would be walking alot on a day, besides window shopping or shopping itself. But USUALLY I would just run the 10km. This time, I was forced to walk the distance not because my friends asked to me, but because it's a tradition to walk during the Big Walk.
It's an annual event when Singaporeans as well as other nationalities, if they want to, join in the fun in the walk. You know you do not have to pay for the fees to walk along with everyone else, just that you don't get to have the lovely t-shirt. This event was held on the 21st of May 2006, a Sunday, when people adores the bed more than anything else in the world. I on the other hand, can deal with that. Who know's, waking up at 0530hrs can be a pain. Guess I was nervous that day, so I woke up at 0450hrs and started to play Maple Story till 0530hrs when I smsed my senior to wake up. I prepared my stuff and brought with me an energy bar to last me the morning. I looked like a jogger ready to cover long distances with my water bag(without the water pack) and my attire. Apparently, there were many others who wore the same shirt as us, which signifies that they were on their way as well.
We made sure that the rest woke up by giving them extra morning calls. Kallang SMRT (Singapore Mass Rapid Transport) station was so packed with people, officers were deployed there to assist people in moving out of the area. They were not allowed to hang around so that others can "flock" in through that way. The morning was young and we had a long way to go. Surprisingly, we managed to reach the stadium by 0740hrs, that's when the walk has just began. Many others deviated to the goodie bag stalls while many others prefer the slow walk. We, fit under the second category.
The route brought us from the stadium to Nicoll Highway, by Suntec City Mall, pass the Esplanade, U-turned back the same way we came from. It's also amazing what you can find during the trip. There were the dragon dance troop from some organisation that travelled with us, but unfortunately, we were walking at a faster pace. Then there were lovely puppies and dogs on fancy karts and trolleys to bring them around, displaying themselves. Not to mention the Liverpool fan club that hauled and sang their songs throughout the journey. Was getting rather irritated by them because they were making a fool of themselves rather than displaying their hardcore fanship for the club. Don't get me wrong, I'm no soccer fan (though I play soccer), I don't support any particular club. Can you imagine a so boastful fan club group walking around and then side tracking to Suntec City for breakfast? What kind of strong support is that? I would say useless man. Haha...
Anyway, besides those fools, there was this small, cute child that wore the t-shirt, but it was altered. Apparently, the logo was shifted to the center and the tee was much smaller. We noticed it was re-sewed to match his size. So thoughtful and supportive of the mother. It doesn't look nice when the tee is too big for one's size.
Many brought fancy ballons to match the event. Some tied ends of ballons together to make them float high in the sky; some had "chicken" ballons or "dog" ballons that looked like bringing them for a walk on a leash. Haha... Some brought ballons much bigger than the others distributed. Interesting.
One very interesting moment was to see, right in front of us, a group of "Fa Lun Gong" fans holding onto a banner that reads "Falun Gong walks with you", and they had like a group of ladies wearing acient chinese gowns carrying flower baskets and men beating on small drums in syncronisation. In fact, they were all MARCHING!!! Can you believe that? I believe in one wanting to believe in a religion or something they want to believe, but this takes the cake man...
I guess the last thing I would conclude is a lovely lunch at Suntec food court before making our way home for a long long rest... That's not the end of our week... There's still more to come on that following Tuesday...

Tired and Facinated
The Mixed Boy

Nothing like a jog, some gym and a packet of swim to perk me up

It's been like what, 3 - 4 years since I've did consecutive strenuous activities altogether. But today was one of those days I amaze myself with how much energy I have in me.
I reached school about 1000hrs and well, got something to munch on since I'm meeting Dexter at 1130hrs. After which, I went to club room to read the rest of the comics I borrowed from the National Library (now know you know what I've been doing in the library huh? Haha..). When it reached 1130hrs, I left the place(sorry Shijun for not letting you read the comics) to go for my run. The run was a short one, 2.4km, but since I've not ran for about a week plus, I guess it was become more of a challenge then a routine.I could feel my stamina dropping, I couldn't sustain a steady speed on the 3rd round. Fortunately, my IPPT is like a few weeks later, wouldn't say the same for Dex though. After the run, we went to the gym to do meet some iron.
Life isn't as simple as it used to be. I used to be able to sustain gym activities the whole week around, but now with only like a hour plus of pumping, I'm already almost out of gas. Oh no... Haha... But managed to do a hefty amount of exercise. Swimming was next on the list.
Swimming was somehow a little better, I could sustain 12 laps (600m), maybe more, but didn't want to overdo it. However, I was wondering how am I to sustain the laps during the Splash Down during August (I think). I must complete the 70 laps!!! I must!!! Anyway, the weather was really great, if only we were at Sentosa, it would been better. Probably that would happen some time later... Who knows.
Bottomline is that today was alright, a little more adredeline pumped in my system really gave me little of my life back. That's what I long for, hope the days ahead would be a wonderful one... Especially for FOP...

Tired and Relaxed
The Mixed Boy

The bleakness even on Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day *yeah* but then even with such a joyous day like this, I find it bleak and upsetting. Probably there's some things I don't feel like mentioning. Every last bit of hope has gone to the drain... Haha... I think I'm just losing myself... Oh what the heck... Not that I have any chance in the first place... Anyway, beside the bad side of today, at least there's Razor Ramon Hard Gay to accompany along the lousy days... Hahaha... Have you heard of it? If you haven't then you should go to www.youtube.com and search for razor hard gay... His full name is Razor Ramon Sumitami and he is almost equivalent to Ali G from USA. The difference is that Ali G makes fun of the people and the situations around him, Razor only makes fun of himself. You should watch the clips, it's damn dumb yet funny. I like when he comes in with his punch line "DO MO HAR DE GAY DE!!!" or "OKAAAAAAAAAY!!!" and "HOOOOO!!!" Not to mention his hilarious way of walking around and shaking his waist. Haha... Super HARD GAY LA!!!! But I would like to get one of his toys from TOMY. Limited edition... (For those who don't understand what I mean, search for razor hard gay and watch the episode on [Bakafish] Hard Gay TOMY English Subtitles) I think it's really cool to have that game. Trust me, if you really need a laugh, just watch the clips... It'll make your day...

Upset yet calm
The Mixed Boy

Zouk - The clubbing experience

Nah nah nah... This isn't the first time being in Zouk... Haha.. I've been there since last year, but alone... This time I've with a few Council mates from my previous JC. Oh I went to Zouk on a Wednesday this week. So other words, it's MAMBO NIGHT!!! As well as WOMEN'S NIGHT!! Hey hey hey, don't get me wrong, I didn't go there to look at girls lah... My council mates invited me to tag along so I just mindless agreed.
Everything there was fine, when we reached there @ 10pm, the place was still empty. Well, not literally empty but at least not as many people as you expected. People would only flow in at around 1045pm or so beacuse they would want to catch the 1 for 1 offer. Anyway, as I was saying, we reached there by 10pm and went into Phuture first. I can't believe they weren't even playing any songs then... It's so quiet... So mundane... BUT I manage to see Ivon there... Well, it's kinda strange seeing Ivon there, out of all the places in Singapore and at that particular day as well. We only exchange greetings and talked for a while before I rejoined my group. My group was still new to the term clubbing so I had to bring them around, so the easiest place to be at is probably Zouk. The whole thing about clubbing didn't appeal to me as much as I used to a year back, so everything was rather slow and not so-enjoyable. Eventually, we decided to get back home around 1am because it's getting late and some of us have things to do that very morning. Throughout the whole time, I didn't get to see Ivon till I left the building. It's kinda coincidental huh? Hmmm.. I just gave her my free drink coupons because I've no use for them and lef tthe building.
Oh well, I guess that day would be one of the last few days I'm going to a club. It's not interesting anymore as the only thing you can do is drink, dance, smoke or see pretty ladies/handsome guys. But you don't get to interact with them, that's the sad part. Don't tell me about getting to know them and all when they are so uptight about their personal space... As long as you're not appealing to them(which I'm always not), they wouldn't be bothered about you... So heck care them... Anyway, I'm still pissed at the barber who cut my hair so short, it probably gives girls more reason to avoid me... Oh well, why blame my hair when I should be blaming myself and my attitude huh? Haha...

Groovy, Party
The Mixed Boy

Strange connotations of the word "holidays"

Do you not wanted freedom when the exams are coming? Don't you want to get rid of those notes that you have read like thousands of times? It usually comes to a point when you just want to take the papers and get straight to the holidays. Haha.. That's so predictable for a student like me. But have you ever thought what happens after the exams? Do you really think that there's freedom at all after the exams? That you can play throughout the holidays and not worry about a thing? Let me draft out a list of what I think that there's something to be worried about(at least in my life).
Firstly, there's the stage of "unemployment" and getting music from your parents on the issue of "loathing". If you don't find a job, you'll probably not see the likes of the sunshine in the near future. I guess I would get deaf and have a trauma by the near July. The amount of working experience and jobs I had before clearly deprives me from getting a secured job right now. In fact, with so many other stuff in the holidays to cover, I can't possibly afford to give in too much time for the job. I'll get back on the "other stuff" later. Thus, getting a stint job may be a little bit harder than you think. The only experience I had was my clerical skills back in NS, which does not appeal to much employers. In fact, there's morejobs allocated for females than to males in the classified as well. Why not tutoring you ask... I can't tutor anyone. Trust me, the last thing you want to see is someone dying while trying to get 'tutored' by me. I lack discipline and well, I'm a little wishy washy. There isn't anyone who wants to be my experimentee anyway. So it's hard to get someone. Try the agencies you say... But there is this one other issue about tutoring is that I don't like having the feeling of letting my student and his/her parents down. I don't like teaching some by my way, and in the exams, he/she did not produce good grades as they expect from tutoring. You can say I'm picky in my job, but that's not entirely true. I always believe in involving myself in a job that I am sure to produce maximum output with minimum input. Because of this dilemma, I've decided to approach my professors whether I can be involved in his research, even though I won't be paid. I guess knowledge is more powerful and better than money itself. So why not?
Then there's this issue of not being able to go out as often as you wanted to. I've been staying at home most of my holidays now and only been out because I NEED to complete certain tasks. Damn.. That's so boring... In fact, I've been to the library more often than playing my games at home. In one way, it's good to be reading but on the other hand, I would like to do more activities than to read through out the holidays. With heavenly guards(my parents) by the door, I think getting out would prove more of a challenge than a game of Fatal Frame in the PS2. Somehow, not going out often saves me money, but it tends to make my body go lazy. Thus, I dislike staying at home too much.
Ah... The issue of my projects during the holidays - Science Orientation Week (SOW). This is yet the hardest issue to tackle as I've still yet to come up with a draft on some video taking. My inspirations have not come out and I'm kinda running out of time. Tee shirts have not be done and the logo have yet to be refined, getting things done can be a little tat difficult. May be I need more time management, or complete some of them during my time at home. But it's not as easy as you think. Science Camp (SCAMP) is around the corner as well and I have to prepare myself for the camp as well as the frightnight. Time is really against me...
What is the one thing guys dread during their free time in the holidays? Trust me, it's reservist. Well, not that I dread it, but the thing is I've yet to complete my IPPT. The expectations of yourself to get a gold is terribly disturbing. Just think, a difference between S$400 and S$200 is ... (Duh) S$200. There is so many things you can do with S$200. That is why I'm kinda worried in not achieving that goal. In fact, I'm suppose to be training every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays by jogging but I've been rather lazy lately (See what I mean by staying at home too often?). Catching up on sleep makes me sleep even up till noon the next day. Which is bad. I always remember myself switching of the alarm and telling myself "maybe just rest a little while more" and then sleep again. I must get my bioclock readjusted soon...
So back to my title... Strange connotations.... Don't you think the word holidays is just an illusion that bluffs you in thinking you can get a rest from all those tiring work? In a way, it gives you more time to complete other tasks other than your schoolwork, but it still doesn't cut it when it comes to relaxation... Anyway, I just hope things get better soon... After all I've been through for the past 22 years, I think another few decades of this shouldn't be a problem...

Tired, Lazy and Bored
The Mixed Boy

Sing to the Dawn

Sounds very familiar to you right? Especially to the literature students during their Secondary school times. Yes, I borrowed the book again to read it, probably for the 5th or 6th time. It's very nice and aspiring. It can make me very emotional whenever I read the book.
The Dawn is actually a scholarship given to students in Thailand. From what I know in the book, every village has a one-and-only chance each year to send one student for the scholarship. Unfortunately(I don't know whether it's still happening now), it is based on many years ago and most of the villagers are farmer dominant. I.e. The more important roles are farming in these rural areas and it isn't easy getting money from little surpluses. Other from that, they have to pay to landlords whom squeeze more than 60% of their total reap. The character "Dawan" made a very clear question that "why landlords own the land?". In fact, it can be easily answered as due to inheritance but it's an ambiguous answer that will still lead to more ambiguous questions.
The book also beautifully illustrates a form of prejudice undiscrimination or prejudice discrimination in the parts of the country*. It can be seen as a form of socialisation among the villagers to think that way and has been passed through generations to generations. Females in these parts are only thought to be wives and to give in to their husbands or to their male counterparts. I.e. No matter what, whatever a male says, a female has to give in to it. I guess in our society now, it's very questionable on how to system is able to linger for that long. But as they say, different societies practice different forms of practices.
"Noi", "Dawan's" cousin, did explain alot on the dreadful sights of the City, that's where "Dawan" will be going to study. She did mention the bar-girls and poor children that have to find ways to sell things to earn money in the City, including their own bodies. It is very comman of girls around 14 and above to be prostitutes serve the foreign soldiers. However, it can be seen that these soldiers are as lonely as these children who come to the City. They have nothing other than going into the battlefield and have left behind their families. Well, these are "Noi's" opinions.
The chapter on how the religious head monk tries to convince "Dawan" that attaining Narvana is the most important thing in life other than studying is rather intruiging. However, I was very disgusted when he blurted out that "Dawan" is merely a schoolgirl. A schoolgirl that stood her grounds? Who wants to TRY to make a difference? I think that's really brave/bold of her. But then, if we see it in the religious way, somehow, if you want something so badly, it will only bring more suffering. To escape from suffering, we must lose our wants...
The story brings it to a greater height when "Dawan" confronts her brother "Kwai", that "Kwai" was selfish and displayed these male traits(in a male dominating area), even to a point of hurting his own sister. Not only that, scenes of "Vichai" bullying his sister "Bao" and "Dawan's" father sternly rejecting her from going for further studies and give hints that guys are better off studying rather than girls, are all signs of females losing out to their male counterparts. In fact, there was this line that "Noi" even states life can be so tiring and sad that you would just drop all hopes and live with what is there then;there is no use changing anything.
There's always a constant struggle bettwen "Dawan" and "Kwai" about the scholarship. "Kwai" acts very immaturely in trying ways to get the chance from his sister. But it's not strange, especially when you get to know that "Kwai" too wants to make a difference. Just that he is too rash and maybe due to their culture, he thinks the possiblity of him getting it than his sister is much much higher. I don't dispise "Kwai's" actions as it is rather understandable. Just imagine you lose your one chance to studying to your sibling? And that you think there's no need for your sibling to attain that previlege, you would do anything to get it back?
Anyway, the story is rather well illustrated with hidden meanings and expressions. I like reading this book because it has some deep meaning inside that gives me some inspiration. It gives me a chance to question myself, why people in these rural areas act like that and what is it compared to our society right now? Don't mistaken for me trying to emphasize any form of ethnosentrism here. I'm just making comparisons, not judging them. Though it's a secondary school literature textbook, I would recommend to friends to read it at least once. I really enjoyed reading it and wish all my friends to enjoy it too...

*The information given above may not be true. It is only what I interpreted from the book. For those I've offended, pls accept my sincere apologies. Thank you.

Inspirated
The Mixed Boy

Depressing day - Full of depression

If you noticed, I usually don't state on titles that display clear definitions of depression. But somehow, today's feelings were accumulated and eventually become increasingly big. I don't know what is causing this depression nor do I know what can I do to make it go away. To add to this depression, I had a very bad hair cut and I had reaccuring incidences of sad events. I know I should not think too much, I know I should just do what I like to do. I kept telling myself that for the past one week already, yet the feeling is still very strongly embedded in my heart. I know friends would try to cheer me up and tell me encouraging words, that's what they think best for me. I do appreciate them doing that, unfortunately, I'm sorry that I seldom pick myself up when things get this bad. I wish I had a container to pour all my sad memories and emotions into so I wun feel sad. But that would be selfish of me as everyone else would like one too.
I wish my life was either inclined to playing alot or just studying alot, and not in between. It IS very hard to cope with playing hard and studying hard at the same time. I don't really know what to do these days... Whenever there's an exam, we all want it to end as soon as possible; whenever it(the exams) is over, we don't know what else to do with so much spare time. What's wrong with this picture? And due to my parent's expectations, I must complete 1001 things that I don't like to do within less than two months. Sometimes I think who leads who's life in the end, me or my parents. They always seldom see what I want to do in life, only suggests(when it is more like an order) me to do what I should do. *sigh*
I was watching this series on cable, I think the title was "Misleading tricks", but the storyline is so irritating and sad that I am starting to hate that show. But somehow you just want to know what happens next. From today's series, I got to know that there's a lot of conspiracy in the show. There's three guys, A, B and C, who works as lawyers. A and B are the so call bad guys. A is trying to cheat somebody in the story who is one of his clients. I think he is trying to cheat on his wife as well. B is trying to cheat C by getting back his wife from C. Quite complicated, let me briefly state the storyline again. B had a wife who bore a child for B, but left him for some reason I'm not so sure of. She marrys C and fakes C that the child is his, but he found out that the child isn't his. However, he is willing to forget all this and carry on with their lives. In short, C is a forgiving man. But B thinks that C is doing very well and wants to get back at C. Thus, he seduces his ex-wife to come back to him and somehow succeeded, bloody bitch accepts B's "commitments" to her even after all C had done for her. I really cannot understand this fact. Now C is so depressed, he can't fight a case for his client and B continues to provoke him. C confronts B while in front of a stairs. Upon seeing the judge, B deliberately falls down the stairs to frame C in "pushing" him. WTF!!! Like that also can. I really starting to hate dramas now. If I were C I also don't know what to do, I'll be dazed and feel very intimidated by B.
After thinking about these things, I really wish I could rewind my life, all the way to secondary 1 when I can just study so hard and don't care about other stuff so that I can go to a better school and don't be mocked by some people in life. I wish I don't have to take other issues in life into account because I'm sure of where I'm going. I wish I'm not what I am right now, so that I'm better accepted in the society and won't undergo unpre****** di***********. It's not a bad word, it's a term in my sociological textbook. I can't confirm whether it exists in this society but I feel that it's somehow being displayed rather clearly. At least not the "complete" ones but more of my "kind". *sigh*
Oh well, I don't think there's much I can do now, just sigh and wait for time to pass by. I need more ideas for my video editing, hope it would just fall from the sky very very soon. Well, better be going now, look at the sky or something. Can't go out with this bloody dumb hairstyle now. It's damn bloody short and I freaking don't understand saloons and barbers. Dumb ass people can't defferentiate between cut and trim. When I asked for a cut, she gave me a trim, when I asked for a trim, the bloody barber gave me a bloddy cut. SO FREAKING SHORT. "Want to make it nice" he says, wth. Then he still dare to ask me "so is it ok?" What do you expect me to say? No? Then what? glue back my hair? Of course, I say it's ok and thank you. There's nothing much I could do then. Just feel damn sad that people try to do things their way always, not mine. Please.... I did tell the barber specifically what I wanted alright... Don't take me as a fool man... ARRRHHH!!! I hate this hair style...

Depressed
The Mixed Boy

Today I lost all hope on myself...

I really don't know what really happen either, but sometimes I really don't know what am I. Its always seems I don't have enough experience... But logic and perception drives the way we think. Nobody says we should lose our beliefs and values but doesn't mean because of that, you deliberately fail to understand the simplistic view of a modernized, urban society. Does ego and pride always have to come in between family and grand parents? I think that is a dumb, stupid hell of an excuse. People aren't created perfect, so? If you really have to blow your top, just blow your top and let it go. No use thinking about what others think, especially from parents.
I'm losing myself, losing my own pride as an individual who believes in common sense society. The one thing I hate the most is people thinking of money over many other things in life. Though money can solve many issues, it doesn't give any good reason to mix money with personal feelings. It's FARKING hateful to see people crawl on their knees and lick people's asses just because of money.
Anyway, it's over, but my soul is damaged, by 78%. I can't help but cry inside, wondering why am I me... Why am I somebody who can't reason reasonably. Why am I always listening but not being able to do anything. Sometimes it just makes me want to give up everything that I yearn for - a good happy family of my own, a wonderful wife, a great house with a great job. Being able to play games with my kids and all. Why am I thinking so far ahead? It's just call planning. Not something very well designed but at least something I'm moving towards. However, I'm losing that ideal figure very soon. In fact, sometimes I'm ashamed to find a companion. I'm not strong enough to face her and tell her about myself. With all those problems I've placed in this blog since February, I can't how much I'm being able to face anyone in the near future. A confident figure with a weak heart and mind, projects me as an incapable individual. Maybe that would answer to my question of why I go through so many leadership camps yet not being able to lead.
Recently, I also noticed I don't have many friends. I always thought I have so many in schools that I've been in. I always say hi to people and I always make aquintance with most people. But somehow, now I don't see them anymore. Those who followed me to the same University don't mix around with me anymore. Those in the other Uni, don't call or sms at all. The only people I'm being close so far is my OG and my GP family, as well as a few more friends. The bottomline is that I'm losing things, not gaining them. I always thought I made an impact in schools, but this time, I don't. All my effort since Primary school, Secondary school and JC went down the drain. I appear to be like any other people in the school. Options in life seem to lessen even without me getting married.
Why....?

*Sigh*

Sad and more Upset
The Mixed Boy