Saturday, December 30, 2006

Her Story, Her Song, My inspiration...

School's going to start soon, I don't know how much longer can I enjoy this restricted freedom. Everyone's got places to go and somebody to meet. I've made the mistake of not planning my own day. The strange things is that I usually have to plan for an outing before people would like to meet me, it's never the other way around. But it's kinda alright, I guess if I've been like this for so many times, it should make me immune to the feeling already.

I didn't managed to find a proper module to place in my timetable. It is either breaching into my free days or something I'm not interested in. In fact, it might be meaningless to have free days when the rest are busy with school. It leaves me alone to do my stuff again. What a bummer. I didn't even managed to find a card game store in town. I thought I could find almost everything there but seems to me it's not so complete after all. I was trying to find the card game "Spank the Monkey", sounds kinda kinky but it's not. It's a fun, hilarious game of 2 - 6 players and it tests your strategic methods. Come to think of it, I thought I would be able to find the stuff probably in www.mymall.sg but I didn't. I used keywords "card games", "card", "games" yet the search tool says that I've used the wrong keywords. Strange?

Recently, my wisdom tooth is inching its way out again, it swells my gums and causes my jaw to stay closed most of the time. It's getting slightly better today as I can open my mouth slightly bigger now. But it is really hell of a pain trying to chew or swallow. Can't wait for the pain to subside so that I can start eating again.

Stephanie Sun is one of the local singers that I appreciate a lot. She produces her songs somewhat nostalgic yet very much matching her preference of her lifestyle. Guess I understand what she meant by "My Story, My Song". But her songs are very inspirational, as if her voice is your alternate source of energy that drives you to work harder. The lyrics to the songs, too, have much meaning and resemblance to our lifestyle, not to mention that she's local. Haha... But it makes it easy for me to place myself in her shoes and think of what would I do if I were her. The lyrics to "My Happiness" tells me that I shouldn't worry too much about things that don't interlink with me. I should find/fight for my own happiness. Her songs are inspirational yet it's all up to me to convert that inspiration to my success. If only I had a chance to meet Stephanie Sun up front, I would get to thank her personally...

P.S. I would like to apologize to anyone who feels offended by my
opinions above. Thank you.

Hoping to be a better person
The Mixed Boy

Monday, December 25, 2006

The question of who is right and who is wrong... No one knows...

I can't believe that I lost my cool just now. I was helping out with my mom in changing the bed sheet but I lost my cool at a small incident. Then I raised my voice at my mom and we had an arguement. I felt that it was a dumb arguement and I was dumb enough to start it. Did my apologies and hope that it wouldn't happen again. These few days aren't very good for me but I'll guess I'll still be happy since it's not going to kill me. =)

While I was thinking things through after the arguement, I was looking out of my balcony and staring at the trees in front of me. I kept asking myself who is right and who is wrong in this world? Are what your parents telling you right or wrong? Are they just under the influence of the government or by culture? Or is it just that majority of the people around them conduct such activities that they should follow to? Does one or two of their own children doing out of the norm considered wrong? The answer is yes and no. No one knows. Sometimes you just look at them and you think it's just not right that you consider them wrong. We don't know what their motives are, we don't know what we "accept" in our society. That makes us hard to decide, but because of norms, it makes it easier to categorize.

Aside from that, as I was saying, I was staring at the tree and noticing the branches. To me, the tree is like a family - it has its roots and the branches are like the generations. Among the trees I saw, most of them have branches going upwards, some of them to the sides. It occurred to me that the straight branches are those generations following the norm. To reach for more sunlight based on the principles of 'The survival of the fittest'. Then again, the ones branching sideways are the deviants. But haven't you noticed that all of them have the same purpose - they make food for the tree, which means they nourish the "family line"? Do deviants necessarily mean those who do not come out with the same outcome? Why must we leave the sideway branches out of the system?

I'm like the sideway branch. It is always been neglected and chopped off first when it gets in the way of the flats nearby. People usually neglect what these 'branches' do before they shun them away. Who's to know, the former may be doing more then the 'straight branches'. But nobody would be there to see them do it. No one can determine whether the 'sideway branch' is doing work unless you see it 'do work'. The only way is to check for chlorophyll. But why not trust that the 'sideway branch' is doing as much work as the 'straight branches'? Is it because it's the convenience of the norm that makes it easy to judge? It is so hard to believe yet it may be true.

Sometimes I don't understand why I have such a hard time trying to understand and go along with life in my body & mind. People always say I always think about myself but I don't understand why do they always say that when they never see what I always do. There's a saying that "action speaks louder than words" but if you are my friends and family, shouldn't they trust me at all in doing things, especially by myself? I don't recall asking favors from my family at all, I usually do things by myself. I can't see why my siblings can't do things by themselves too? It's not about complaining, rather, it's about self-responsibility. If you have something to do, then prioritize your work. Sometimes I really don't know what will I be doing next time - A loser or a responsible medical researcher?

One more thing I noticed about life is that dying is easy, way too easy. But the toughest challenge... is to live. Not to only live but to live happily no matter what setbacks there can be in this world. I want to be like that... to be smiling always, whether serious or not...

Taking & preparing for the toughest challenge
The Mixed Boy

Saturday, December 23, 2006

The chapter on "Lonely Christmas"

The chapter on "Lonely Christmas" happens to recite in my book of life. Many a times it appears some time around this period of the year and it feels very cold. So cold that the snow and ice is still considered warm. Friends have other friends to be with, even my friends have their new friends to be with. Some say I tend to do things are the wrong time; ask people at the wrong time. Sometimes I can't help but believe that also. But how can something be so recurring, so often? Guess it'll won't change the fact that it'll still be a lonely Christmas this year...

SOW comm had a gathering yesterday. I went in late because of stupid arrangements from my previous JC. Can't believe that I was so dumb to believe that there was a party going on and wanted to take a look. Council mates too had a gathering yesterday but they were too late to ask me out before SOW did. Besides, they were always on their own world and never placed me into the picture. They always thought I was strange and not serious. Whatever...

Hao Mai was very happy to receive all her gifts from me. Though I don't really have the cash to spare much, but I guess the season for giving just makes me think that if it's for friends then well it'll be worth it. Muslim was also very pleased to get what he always wanted that he hugged me. He's always been saying that he wanted a Razor mouse so much yet he didn't have the cash to get it. Guess my savings and plannings was worth it after all. I'm happy to get a cute mini Doraemon vacuum cleaner from YiShan. It was nice of her to get it for me. Guess she realized that I needed more cleaning up to do, especially my acts. Haha...

I actually intended to get something for JiaHui, but I don't really know what to get. Pink stuff would be nice but don't think she's up to soft toys. So I thought of going to the movies with her but she's not free too. Oh well, haha, it kinda illustrates the fact about me asking at the wrong time huh? Haha... Nvm... Probably in January then. Guess I'll spend my time thinking of what modules to take next sem then...

Loney, Cold and Tired
The Mixed Boy

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Long, Sad memories drifting in...

After two days of reservist, I come to think of the next 9 more cycles I have to do before I ROD. Having reservist is like a blessing nightmare. Oxymoron? Each time I go pass my neighborhood to go to my office, it always reminds me of very bad memories back then. Very very bad... yet I still have 9 years down the road to come by this place. However, going back to office with my friends there makes me enjoy the day keying in data like what I used to do then. Makes me feel knowledgeable in my field and being appreciated by the rest. Though the days can be very mundane and slow, it gives me time to reflect on the happy times I used to play around in the office. Then come to think of it, the saddening thought of bad memories will forever stay in my heart for they are lessons learned and reminders to keep me focused as what I am trying right now.

Christmas is coming and I've not made much plans for it, colleagues are taking leaves for the holidays and I won't be expecting them quite soon. What a shame. I also hope that I can enjoy my stay there doing something I enjoy most...

Alright, I've gotten my list and I need to get some stuff. Really coincidence that I've to get this stuff for this person, but I'll happily do it... Now I just have to find white clothings...

Scrutinizing
The Mixed Boy

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The confused, the bad and the ugly...

I'm back from Malaysia, from a holiday , but doesn't seem like a holiday. I didn't really enjoy the time there but I enjoyed talking to my cousins. If only the trip wasn't that long. Crap... Anyway, things are really very different there, the attitudes and the way of life is totally different from Singapore. Things are much more relaxed there. It's as if time slowed down for me. The only boring thing was that there wasn't much things to do there, especially when you don't have anything in mind to buy. Electrical devices are not any different in prices between countries, that makes it so hard to get a great deal. At least I gotten nice food there.

The saddening thing was that strangely, I had a dream on every night, and on one of the nights I didn't I dreamt of me having another chance at my ex. But we all know that dreams are probably the opposite in reality. I spent the rest of that day trying to forget what I had been doing for the past one and a half years. Things are getting much better now...

While I was still in JB, I saw someone that REALLY resemblance Jiahui from the behind. I was even more shocked when I saw 'her' with this fat guy and I was wondering to myself why was she there, and with that guy? I tailed them until 'she' turned around, to my relief that it's not my friend but another lady. Phew, what a comical relief. Can't believe my trip was such a strange one.

I'm back, yet I have reservist to attend to. Today's my first day and fortunately, I was posted for clerical job. At least now I can go for this Friday's gathering. I really miss SOW comm. Also hope that this Friday's gathering would be a fun one. Oh well, Yuhan and Mus are at my house now, playing PS2. Kept hearing them complain about the weak players. Hahaha... Also fortunate that Mus constantly reminded himself to keep his vulgarity splurge to the minimum.

I really hope I can stay focused soon, I've been hallucinating of calling my partner once in a while but to my disappointment, I don't have one. I must be strong for my results aren't out yet and I'm still very afraid to face the truth of my slacky sem. God please help me get by this period, I hope I get good grades please.

P.S. I noticed my cousins and aunties say that I become more handsome... I think they were just making me feel alright because I'm the only young adult there that doesn't have a partner then... Oh well... I appreciated what they did for me...

Praying, upset and tired
The Mixed Boy

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

In the eyes of the sky..

Peaceful yet boring day today.. Like any other days, there's nothing much to do without friends. Where's my friends? All of them have their own set of friends... Likewise I should be hanging out with my own, but most of them are in the other university, it's hard to get them then. I really miss our basketball times when I get to be the driver and my friend, SY, would be the passer, Ah Pet as the assistance cum shooter, ZY as the center. Those excellerating times, gone...

The sky looks so peaceful sometimes... Clouds float by like gigantic sheeps having fun up there. Yet, it is too peaceful, too peaceful that you just want to watch it with someone; talk about life and what is the next big thing in life... Sometimes life can surprise me very well, so well that it takes me some time to adjust. Seems so strange yet fruitful when the power of words can change one's mind for the better. Yet for me, mere words can't change any part of my life.

My laptop's still in the care centre, can't believe that it had to have problems right now. I've a design and DVDs to copy yet the only source of progressing is the availibility of my laptop. Crap... Must have been the tiresome, long days & nights that my laptop accompanied me throughout the whole 1 1/2 years. I really appreciate the help my laptop gave to me, I really thank it very much...

Christmas is coming, I did something different last year, guess this year I'm not really in the mood to do anything. Firstly, because I have reservist during the week (though it'll still be a holiday for me), I don't have a single idea what to get for anyone, I don't have anyone to celebrate with and I I have no idea where to go on that day. I'm rather a passive person now, especially when it comes to bringing people out. I enjoy walking around aimlessly and do what I feel like doing at that point of time. Only before that, my usual routine is to plan what to do first. I.e. I usually plan before I go out, but when I go out, it depends on my feelings unless I've a place to be at that particular time. Seems like this Christmas is going to be a very boring one yet again...

Susan just came back from Thailand, hope she enjoyed herself there. Judging from her nick, I guess she really enjoyed herself. Ariane's last day in SWEAT is also today. Hope she enjoyed herself too. She really had a terrible sem. I guess it goes to Ginny, Judy, Jansy and the rest. I also hope all our CAPs will increase because we really need that increment. All I need now are two easy modules to juggle with...

Family can be really good on one hand and really bad on the other. No matter how much you TALK to them, and I say TALK to them, not hit, not scold, not anything but just talk, they would say 'uh huh' but later will repeat the same stupid dumb thing again. Especially siblings... young ones. I can't tell whether it is plain dumb, egoistic or immature, they all seem so similar to one another. When things are so obvious in your eyes, yet you chose to throw yourself into the hot water, means that you deserve to be cooked. As the saying goes, "When you play with fire, you are going to get burnt" Regrets are the hardest to let go but the easiest to get attached to. If you don't play your cards well, don't learn from mistakes, not only you, but the people around you gets affected too. Maybe I'm not too well versed in this field because I don't show my feelings very well; maybe I'm just one-sided; maybe I'm a hypocrite, who knows who's right...

Christmas is all about giving, but is it just me or that saying only goes to Westerners? Have you seen the Salvation Army posts around? If you haven't, then I do believe your acting skills are really top notched. They are around, around and with bells ding-a-ling-a-ling non-stop. No matter how much they do that, nobody seems to be donating anything. It sometimes upsets me when you see the people holding onto the bells and shaking them all day without a single donation. Do we believe in giving? Do we believe in the Salvation Army? Or do we even need the posts around? Are we wasting human resources? Would it be better to ask for donations (any form of donations from food to money to clothes) from each part of Singapore through their grassroots? Would it be a success, or a total floop? Hopefully the Salvation Army gets enough through their hard work...

Throughout the years in Singapore, I see how this magnificant country changed from low levelled (in terms of heights of buildings) , spacious, peaceful place to a high-rised, clustered, modernized one. No matter how much they have changed, this country is still a nice place to be in. I'm not being patriotic, but a home is where we enjoy the comfort of the space we are given. As one would say, "It is hard to please everyone" and "everyone holds different perspective of how they should think" give rise to many discomforts around us. However, events happen for a reason, whether good or bad, there's always something good to see through any minor fault. Not that I agree to higher prices, but neither can I change the pricings, nor the government bodies find it easy to come out with a win-win solution. Some things are meant to be and have to be... We young adults and teenagers cannot see the really reason behind it only because we don't want to see it or ever consider thinking why it is like that. I'm not doing a sweeping statement, I'm just frank with my opinions, it may be wrong. Who knows... Sometimes we just need some time for ourselves to ponder about things...

I like to travel sometimes but I don't like long boring rides. I hate to sit behind a crampped car, making my ass numb while sleeping up-right on the seat. It really sucks... You can't lean, you can't sleep forward, you can't lie down, you can't move, you can't do anything. Just sit there and be a couch potato, just that it's not a couch. Anyway, I really hope I get some nice time in Selangor, there never seem to have much things to do there, especially when you can't drive there and you don't know the roads well. Not only that, the people there seldom talk your language, as in English, they usually prefer weak Mandarin, Cantonese or Malay. I only know basic Mandarin, most of my Mandarin has been returned to my teacher (I'm sorry teacher!!!). What's more, there isn't anything nice to get. Most of the items are displayed repetitively everywhere. If you can find it here, you'll find it there, there and there. Prices don't differ so they just depend on loyal customers. I don't really have much things to buy anyway. The painful part is to choose either to stay at home and rot, or go out and do nothing. ARRHHH... Can't stand it... What to do, what to do...

I wish my days would be better...

Tired
The Mixed Boy

Friday, December 08, 2006

Thoughts will be thoughts, it will never go until you let go...

I didn't really have a very nice day today. Something really bad happened to me but then I'm trying to take it with a pinch of salt.. Some things will always be like that no matter how much you try...

To hate is to care,
To hope is to despair.
To rain is to shine,
To be yours is not to be mine.

To scream is to silence,
Gasping, scratching, wrathing, can't you see?
Only to set you free,
Will thee be happy... again...

Done by: The Mixed Boy



The Mixed Boy

Thursday, December 07, 2006

The normal day...

A normal day:
- Is to meet not-so-courteous people, standing in front of the MRT and not let people get off first.
- Is to have lots of expensive food but would not satisfy your hunger at all.
- Is to cramp into the train with millions of people without any space to breath.
- Is to have people blasting their mobile phone's ring tone as if they were in Zouk Out.
- Is to get by the day with minimal effort.
- Is to day-dream of things you can't have at all.
- Is to try to get into your group but with little/no avail.
- Is to be happy when you actually upset.
- Is to ask yourself whether "she" thinks you're an ass.
- Is to remind of yourself why you are a dumb ass.
- Is to ask yourself "why?" about 100 times a day.
- Is to come back to the same house filled with very troublesome people.
- Is to stand at your balcony and stare at the sky and ask yourself why can't you be there now...

The Mixed Boy

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Sometimes I regret...

Sometimes I regret doing things that embarress myself. For a while, I've been thinking that yesterday wasn't a good thing to ask Ariane out for lunch. Somehow, coincidentally, she always goes off whenever I come online. Haha.. It doesn't make me feel so good anymore...

I didn't have a very good day today... I felt that my family starts to act as if they were mountain tortises. Having dinner in Sushi Tei in Paragon is one place you wouldn't want to be seen looking like some person who is oblivious about manners/services. It IS the job of the waiter/waitress/floor manager to provide good service. BUT it is also basic courtesy that the customer stays patient and let these people (the waiters/waitresses/floor manager) to do their job. If you do not let them even try, why bother to ask them for help? Not everything in this world is about getting what you want, sometimes it's about giving more than recieving more...

I can't believe that my father mentioned about bringing my gf when I DON'T even have one. It's like telling me indirectly that, "Hey, you're big enough, why don't you even have a gf? Too stupid issit?" Urgh... I can't believe I even heard that...

My itch is still here... But it has subsided. Feels slightly better now... I HATE eating TOO much!!! I hate when my parents want to try and stuff us with food. I hate that alot.. When you clearly state that you don't want means you don't want. You don't have to show me that we have abandance of food to know that we are lucky enough to have plenty of food. I already KNOW that... Too much food makes me sleepy then I will get fatter... There are many things in life you don't have to tell/show me to let me know about what is going on...

Now I'm back home, feeling sleepy as usual. I don't want to sleep but I'm already feeling very sleepy. Shit... Don't know whether should I go for a swim tomorrow before the meet up. Maybe I should... who knows...

Tired
The Mixed Boy

Feeling lousy...

I didn't really have a very good day yesterday... My itch is still here, the doctor says it's an allegy, but to what I don't know... Calamine lotion isn't doing much to sooth the itch, it just comes back again and again... haiz... I noticed I"m just a boring guy who doesn't really know how to please a girl, just don't know where to bring her when there's a need to. I also noticed that I'm not a party guy, so that makes me a mundane guy that sits at home all day long. I scolded my sister for being very naive to the things around her. In fact, the itch aggrevated my temper and I just blew. Now I don't feel so good. I don't really bother to scold people when there's no need to. My maple character died, so that's 10% deduction of experience points. It feels so sucky because I need to play damn long just to increase 10% again. Haiz... Susan isn't around in msn, don't know where she went to. Wanted to talk to her for awhile but she wasn't there. Ariane is probably asleep so I should bother her. But she bought a nice top for herself. Glad she likes it. I'm still unsure of my laptop's condition, I don't know when it would suddenly off by itself again. Haiz... I'm lazy to go to school to ask whether I can change the adaptor or not. Further more, I'm just assuming that the adaptor is at fault. I wouldn't want to format my drive because there's too many things to back up and my external hard drive is still occupied. I need to burn copies of SOW for my comm members, but I'm kinda lazy and there's a need to burn about 60 pieces which would probably cost me 15hrs. Haiz... 15hrs of not doing anything... And I don't know whether the dvds would work or not... oh crap... Haiz... So many things yet so little time and this itch has to make it worse... That what's make me feel... SO LOUSY...

Upset and itchy
The Mixed Boy

Monday, December 04, 2006

Talk Talk Wee (TTW) You're Dead already... But you brought me with you.. DAMN!!!

Why am I saying this? The exams are already over, but then TTW killed me... For the last time of my life (hopefully) I will demonstrate what I learn from LSM2104. I'm just glad that the exams are over and I can play with ease... Now the next thing is to plan my schedules... Hmmm...

I was wondering whether how special our genetic pool is, whether there is anything special with the genes. Come to think of it, why not I try to test my gene-line. Would I survive this paper? Would it kill me? Lets see...

I want to see whether the protein "IWILLDIEONBIOINFORMATICS" exist in me and whether there is a protein structure on it. After that, infer to the rest of the human species whether they will die with me in the paper. SO... I took the protein and use BLAST it with pdbaa, using settings BLOSUM62, blastp and unchecked the low complexity to prevent masking of low complexity portions.


The results are shown below:

The best hit has the ID gi|55670668|pdb|1WD4|A Chain A, Crystal Structure of Arabinofuranosidase Complexed with Arabinose Chain A, Crystal Structure of Arabinofuranosidase. Though the E-value and score isn't that all good, it's good identities and positives would state that there is probably a conservation of function in that region. So after that, I went to PDB to search for the structure of the protein, 1WD4. The results are stated below:

I click on the ligand interaction view link to spot for ligands that probably interact with the protein. Then I downloaded the PDB file to indicate the regions of the binding site of the ligand. The results are stated below:


Interesting huh? Hmmm... The region must be responsible for our death when in contact with the paper. To double confirm my hypothesis, I must go to KEGG pathway to search for all pathways that might involve humans. Thus, KEGG pathway here I come...

At KEGG pathway, I search for Arabinofuranosidase and I click on the proper result. I found out that the protein came from map00520 and it is from enzyme 3.2.1.55. The picture is stated below:

HEY!!! It doesn't contain human pathway!!! Yeah!!! That means that we won't die in the paper afterall!!! Hmmm... lets go a little further. The protein seems to be from a bacteria. The taxonomy linage, prosite pattern region and sequence can be seen below in the pictures:


Maybe we won't be dying in the hall afterall... Maybe I shouldn't be worrying too much since it's not in our genes... HAHAHA...





















But you know what? I couldn't do any of the questions in the paper.... -_-||| Damn... It managed to kill me... Maybe it's that bacteria!!!



Note: The method to do protein/homology analysis is not the correct protocol. What is stated is purely for entertainment. I wish to apologise to anyone who argues profusiously about my nonsense. =) Enjoy. Thank you for your audience.

References:
==> BLAST- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/BLAST/Blast.cgi
==> Protein Database (PDB) - www.rcsb.org/pdb
==> KEGG pathway - www.genome.jp/KEGG
==> Ligand Explorer
==> Rasmol standalone
==> National Center for Biotechnology Information Taxonomy linage - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/Taxonomy

DONE WITH EXAMS AND ENJOYING HIS FREEDOM
The Mixed Boy

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Buang at Standard Chartard Run... Damn...

I think I'm getting really lazy and fat through out this sem. I didn't even get to continously run throughout the race. Can't believe that I was one of the last in my team of guys. Guess SK's night runs have paid off because he managed to pace with Sky and Yuhan. That's good for him. I was doing good pacing with Muslim for the first 4.5km. Was behind Sky, Yuhan and SK then it had to happen. My legs gave way... So did my lungs... Don't know whether it's excuses or what but I stopped for awhile... That "while" made me stretch the distance between them. I only managed to catch up with them during the last 3 km when I paced up my speed again. Unfortunately, I was about 5 - 10 min later than them. Oh well... Lazy and fat as I am... can't blame anyone but myself... Need to keep this lesson in mind... Must run longer distances with more discipline... I think I only I still only do "sprints" not long runs... Gonna start running again soon...

Fat and Chubby
The Mixed Boy